I’m just a girl in the world

Favorite conversation of the night:

Me: “Ronan, you’re so nice.”

Ronan: “Thank you.”

Me: “You’re welcome.”

Ronan: “Mom, you’re so cute.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Ronan: “Your so welcome.”

I love his little voice so much. And that smile could melt your heart. I love that every night, he curls up beside me and holds my hand as he falls asleep. I love waking up to him each morning and his bright blue eyes, and how excited he is to wake up his brothers and start the day. Being with Ronan is like a piece of heaven. He is my little pea, and I am so lucky to be his pod.

Sarah came over early so I could go to my therapist appointment. It was a good one, as always. I always leave there more vunerable and with a flood of emotions running through me. I feel like it’s a cleansing of my soul that I really need though. After that, I ran some errands and came home to a happy Ronan who told me he missed me so much. He was all snuggled up in my bed with Sarah. As Sarah was leaving she told Ro she loved him and he told her he loved her too. So sweet.

Ronan is not feeling well today. He was really clingy most of the day. My dear friend, Gay, came over to help me pack. Thank GOD for her! She just comes in here and snaps her fingers, and bam!, it’s done. She is so much fun to be with, even when we are doing things like packing up bags. We got Liam and Quinn’s bag packed and Ronan’s. One more check mark off my list! Pam also stopped by and cracked Gay and I up the entire time with her funny stories about being at Sloan with her daughter and how important her flat iron for her hair and lip gloss were to her. It was her coping mechanism and I love it. Her daughter was having a major surgery done and Pam sat and applied lip gloss over and over again. I totally get it. I know I am going to be the same way. Anything to make the situation seem a little more normal. I was so happy and thankful for those two today. They made me laugh a lot which is something I needed today since I spent the majority of the morning crying over anything and everything. The anticipation of leaving her is enough to send me over the edge.

I also got to see Niki and Fernanda for a bit. They both buzzed by quickly. Again, so lucky for the friends I have. They keep me going because I can see how much what we are going through has changed them. Their lives will never be the same just because of the kind of people they are. That shows me what amazing hearts they have. All of my friends are this way; they are the one’s I keep closest to my heart. I will keep them there for the rest of my life.

Woody and I had a good little pow wow tonight. He is always so interested in my therapy sessions and sometimes I don’t really feel like telling him about them. We got into it a little bit, in a healthy way. I told him what was going on and how I need to deal with a lot of this, on my own, in my own way. He gets it and is giving me my space. He also told me he knows exactly what I am thinking…. how my deepest fears are he is going to walk out on me like my dad did. He told me he will never give up on me and never let me down… like me father has. I know this about Woody; it is one of the main reasons I married him. No matter how much I push him away, because I am hurting, he won’t let me get too far. He has been really great about giving me my space, but also reminding me that we need each other. Before I met Woody, I was used to dealing with things in my life on my own by myself. When you are in the middle of a crisis, it is easy to revert back to that. I am trying not to; but I am very independent and stubborn and my mind tricks me into thinking I can do everything on my own. I am working on these things… I don’t want to go though this alone, but I also want my space. I am hoping to find a happy medium, if that is possible.

Woody and I always joke the Gwen Stefani‘s “I’m just a girl in the world,” is my theme song. So tonight’s song is dedicated to the Wooddawg. And the other love of my life, Gwen Stefani.

Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I’m exposed
And it’s no big surprise
Don’t you think I know
Exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me
To hold your hand
‘Cause I’m just a girl, little ‘ol me
Don’t let me out of your sight
I’m just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don’t let me have any rights

Oh…I’ve had it up to here!
The moment that I step outside
So many reasons
For me to run and hide
I can’t do the little things I hold so dear
‘Cause it’s all those little things
That I fear

‘Cause I’m just a girl I’d rather not be
‘Cause they won’t let me drive
Late at night I’m just a girl,
Guess I’m some kind of freak
‘Cause they all sit and stare
With their eyes

I’m just a girl,
Take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype

Oh…I’ve had it up to here!
Oh…am I making myself clear?
I’m just a girl
I’m just a girl in the world…
That’s all that you’ll let me be!
I’m just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb
Makes me worry some

I’m just a girl, what’s my destiny?
What I’ve succumbed to Is making me numb
I’m just a girl, my apologies
What I’ve become is so burdensome
I’m just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there’s no comparison

Oh…I’ve had it up to!
Oh…I’ve had it up to!!
Oh…I’ve had it up to here!

And yes, how lovely is this dress…. I would totally wear this dress while singing “I’m just a girl,” to the Wooddawg.

xoxox

Nighty Night! Sweet Dreams!

2 thoughts on “I’m just a girl in the world”

  1. Great post..I would have loved to see Ro and Sarah today..And in regards to dealing with stuff on your own….I get it but with your love ..your awareness is key and will help you so much. nite nite Thompson Family

  2. I dedicate this song to you. I think of you every time I hear it. xoxo

    Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
    Drifting through the wind
    Wanting to start again?

    Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
    Like a house of cards
    One blow from caving in?

    Do you ever feel already buried deep?
    Six feet under scream
    But no one seems to hear a thing

    Do you know that there’s still a chance for you
    Cause there’s a spark in you

    You just gotta ignite the light
    And let it shine
    Just own the night
    Like the Fourth of July

    Cause baby you’re a firework
    Come on show ’em what your worth
    Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
    As you shoot across the sky-y-y

    Baby you’re a firework
    Come on let your colors burst
    Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
    You’re gunna leave ’em fallin’ down-own-own

    You don’t have to feel like a waste of space
    You’re original, cannot be replaced
    If you only knew what the future holds
    After a hurricane comes a rainbow

    Maybe you’re reason why all the doors are closed
    So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road

    Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
    And when it’s time, you’ll know

    You just gotta ignite the light
    And let it shine
    Just own the night
    Like the Fourth of July

    Cause baby you’re a firework
    Come on show ’em what your worth
    Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
    As you shoot across the sky-y-y

    Baby you’re a firework
    Come on let your colors burst
    Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
    You’re gunna leave ’em fallin’ down-own-own

    Boom, boom, boom
    Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
    It’s always been inside of you, you, you
    And now it’s time to let it through

    Cause baby you’re a firework
    Come on show ’em what your worth
    Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
    As you shoot across the sky-y-y

    Baby you’re a firework
    Come on let your colors burst
    Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
    You’re gunna leave ’em goin “Oh, oh, oh!”

    Boom, boom, boom
    Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
    Boom, boom, boom
    Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

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