Clinic Day

When going through something like this, you find out who truly loves you. Not just an on-the-surface kind of love, but a love so deep that their lives are affected by what you are going through. It’s simple things, like seeing them be more grateful for what they have. A dear friend calling you to tell you how guilty she feels about going on an upcoming trip. A friend who is far away and it’s killing her that she can’t be here to bring you coffee and sit with you. A neighbor who texts or calls you five times a day just to check in.

The people who truly love you have a hard time going about their day because your pain is their pain. It’s the petty things in life, like buying a pair of expensive shoes, that just don’t matter anymore because they are realizing there are more important things in life. Like the fact that your three-year-old has cancer and your lives will never be the same.

My friend Trish has been sending me amazing quotes via text message every day. I don’t know if she made this up or if it’s something she saw somewhere: “True friendship has no agenda.” Amen to that. It is a beautiful thing to see the ones I hold dear to my heart waking up with a new outlook on life. It makes me feel like even though what we are going through is awful, we are making people’s lives better. Even the strangers we don’t know, who write the most beautiful words to me.

It is because of all of these things that I am surviving and pushing forward. I am fighting this fight for everyone who knows, or hopes to meet, Ronan someday.

I’m sad for my friend Laurie today. She has the little guy, Jack, who is almost to the end of his treatment. They are in isolation for his stem cell transplant. Jack has been doing great through everything. He is an amazing little boy and our ray of hope. The stem cell transplant has been really, really hard on him, and he is in a lot of pain. I’m sad for his parents, who have to see their little boy this way, and I’m sad that little Jack is hurting so much.

I know this is our future, and it’s just not fair that anyone should have to go through this. I know Jack is young enough that when he is all grown up and off doing amazing things, like becoming a doctor, he won’t remember this. It’s just a glitch in time, and it is going to make him so much stronger than other boys in life.

As I sat down for breakfast with Ronan this morning, I was reading the paper while he watched his cartoons. I turned to the back of the paper, and the horoscope section caught my eye. I never read my horoscope; it’s just something I’ve never been into. Well, I’m glad I did today.

Here is what my horoscope said for today: Instead of wandering around searching for answers, assume that you know all you need to know and that you are here to use your ability to serve others.

Wow. Talk about a horoscope being spot on. Maybe I will start reading mine more often.

Ronan and I have a big day ahead of us, full of school, playing, and chores. He is feeling great today, and his great days equal my great days. I am so thankful for his “health” today. He is eating a huge breakfast and singing along to his cartoons. He is happy, which in turn makes me happy. I love him so much.