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For Those of You in My Comments Asking for My Substack
I hope to see you over there. xx https://substack.com/@mamamaya4
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The World Has a Very Low Tolerance for Your Grief
The world has a very low tolerance for your grief. It wants you to be sad for a respectable amount of time, then return to yourself. It sends flowers that die on your counter. It says he’s in a better place and everything happens for a reason and means: please stop making me feel this…
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Read Her Words and Let Them Change You
https://www.newyorker.com/culture/the-weekend-essay/a-battle-with-my-blood Never in my life have I cried the way I cried reading this article. When writing tells the truth, it does more than inform. It reaches in and touches something wordless. I paid to read it, and I would pay again. It should be placed gently into the hands of anyone who still believes…
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Happy 36th Birthday, Taylor Alison Swift
Dear Taylor, On the eve of your birthday, I found myself at home with Poppy, curled into the quiet of our living room, pressing play on The Eras Tour, and I was wildly unprepared. The way I am always unprepared. Because everything you do exceeds the edges of expectation. Because that is who you are.…
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The Fate of Ophelia
I tend to grasp onto songs Taylor has written as they relate to things in my life. Her songs become my lifelines — the rope I cling to when I’m drowning in grief, the words that make me feel less alone in my ache.This one though. As of now, it’s my favorite on the album.…
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You Fucked With the Wrong Mama Bear
I am a writer. Writing has always been my lifeline—the way I process, untangle, and make sense of the world, even when it refuses to make sense. Even weeks later, I find myself still trying to piece this together, still reaching for the words that might bring clarity or, at the very least, give my…
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As If I Needed Another Sign
I’m on Substack now. Follow me there if you love me. When I say I think about the PNW a hundred times a day, I’m not exaggerating. It’s a longing that sits deep in my bones, an ache that feels almost unnatural in its intensity. I crave the crisp, fresh air on a winter morning,…
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Cutting Funding for Kids Fighting Cancer Is the Loudest Way to Say Their Lives Don’t Matter
It’s late. I need a minute because I have too much to say. Childhood cancer is the number one disease killer of kids. The number one. And yet, here we are, watching as $190 million for pediatric cancer research gets ripped away like it means nothing. Right now, all I can do is sit here…
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September is…
September is childhood cancer awareness month, but to me, it should be a cause that we fight for every single day throughout the entire year. The magnitude of what these kids go through demands our unwavering dedication. I never, in a million years, could have imagined hearing those devastating words, “Your child has cancer.” Yet,…
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Why the Narrative Around Grief Needs to Change
I had the pleasure of meeting Beth through Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, and I was deeply honored when she recently reached out to me to discuss a piece she was working on. Although I haven’t spoken publicly about one of the darkest periods of my life, it is a weighty chapter in my book. I shared…
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Dear Ronan,
What would I do with a sixteen-year-old you? A tall, copper-colored skin sixteen-year-old you. With eyes tinted such a spectacular shade of blue that they stopped strangers dead in their tracks. You would have grown into your youthful beauty as I watched you bloom into the most spectacular teenager, following in the footsteps of your…
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Happy Almost 16th Birthday, Ro
To celebrate Ronan’s 16th Birthday, we have decided to make a generous donation to the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP) in conjunction with Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour stop in Philadelphia. Our contribution will establish the Ronan Thompson Nurse Navigator Fund at the CHOP Cancer Center. The Cancer Center at CHOP is renowned for its team…
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May 12, 2023
This year, on Ronan’s birthday, I’ll be in Philadelphia attending the Era’s tour thanks to Taylor Swift. This day is usually difficult for me, but I’ve found that giving back in some way brings me comfort. As a part of this effort, we’ll be making a donation to the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, and I’ll…
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That Girl Named Taylor Swift and an Era’s Tour
I’ve been trying to write this for weeks, but so much has happened that it’s taken me a bit to get this post out into the world. I’ve been busy with some health stuff I don’t want to get into. And horrified by another mass shooting because, in this country, we prioritize guns over innocent…
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May 12 and Ronan’s Day of Love
On May 12th of this year, Ronan would have turned sixteen. In honor of his birthday, we celebrate ‘Ronan’s Day of Love’ every year. This year, his birthday coincides with The Era’s Tour in Philadelphia. I am currently undecided about attending the event, but I would appreciate it if you could join us in celebrating…
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Quinny Q Takes NYC
One of my proudest parenting moments happened over Christmas break. I was driving back to my parent’s house from Portland, Oregon, with Quinn. We had just spent the evening there with a girlfriend of mine, her daughter, and her daughter’s best friend. I coaxed Quinn into going to Portland with me, and we had the…
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Happy 10th Birthday, Poppy Rue!
Happy 🔟th Birthday to my dream come true, PoPpY RuE!! My tiny fashionista from the beginning. Your heart is made of pure GOLD. Kindness radiates from your soul. Your sassiness balances it out to keep me on my toes—your creative ability in all things; writing, singing, acting, painting, drawing, and storytelling. Your laughter is infectious.…
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My Delayed Grief for my Dad.
It’s one of those writing days where I would give anything to call up my dad and run some things past him. My dad died in 2014, and because of Ronan, I couldn’t properly grieve for him because Ro consumed my grief. It’s only now that I am finally starting to process the loss of…
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Bits and pieces of a chapter because I cannot post it all. But I cannot wait to put this book out into the world finally. Also, these words did not come from my mom. My mom is one of my safe people and always has been.
“How are you holding up, sweetheart?” I felt the touch of _________hand on my shoulder as the breeze of the California coast sent shivers down my spine. Her words feel safe, like I was six years old and ready to climb into my mother’s lap for a gentle bedtime story. I answered ________’s question in…
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Hi. It’s me. Do you know what’s going to happen after I put this book out into the world? I will finally be free of this extra layer of pain I’ve been carrying around on top of my grief because I can talk openly about all the trauma and bullshit I endured. I’m in the trenches right now. Thank you all for being so patient and so supportive. Here is a little snippet below.
“I was fine with being the “crazy” one—the wildcard who had become so unhinged over the death of her child. I wasn’t fine with being in an environment where I didn’t feel safe or genuinely supported. I had grown tired of the victim mentality games. The passive-aggressive gestures. The love that came with conditions. The…
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I will never stop wishing for you.
I was telling Charisma a few days ago that I don’t dream of you very often. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve dreamt of you since your death. I don’t know why that is because you are the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I…
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The Magic of Fernanda
I spent last weekend in love filled bubble as I watched one of the greatest loves of my life walk down the aisle in the wedding of the century. It was the most incredible weekend, and I was honored to be a part of it. I was asked dozens of times how I knew Fernanda.…
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I hope you all know just because I haven’t been posting doesn’t mean I haven’t been writing.
At what age do you think we realize our mortality? That is the question I posed while lying in the MRI machine, trying my hardest not to freak the fuck out over how claustrophobic I felt. God damn it, Maya. Why can’t you think about something more pleasant to pass the time? You just had…
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Happy 15th Birthday to the love of my life.
Ronan, Eleven years without you feels like the cruelest joke. A never-ending nightmare that I cannot wake up from. I think about you so much that you are a part of my daily life. I’ve been doing that since you died, and that won’t ever change. I imagine you at fifteen as the most incredible…
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I love you, little man. I love you, Taylor.
To see Ronan, Taylor’s Version on an actual album will forever be one of the proudest, most incredible moments of my life. And having my name beside Taylor’s feels like a dream I never want to wake up from. I love you, Taylor. Thank you for all the ways you continue to make my little…
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Threaten me. Call me names. Spit on my dead child. It’s all in good fun, right? Because kids will be kids!
For the past 48 hours, I have been called names, had my life threatened, had things said about me that are not true, had my dead child spoken of in a derogatory way, and told to remove my post by several adult women or else. As I stated earlier, I had a conversation with the…
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Brophy and Sunnyslope continued…
This afternoon, I received a phone call from Mr. Ryan, the Principal of Brophy. We spoke at length about what happened at Friday night’s game and about the disappointment that we both felt over what transpired. Mr. Ryan took accountability for the situation, apologized, and has reached out to the Principal of Sunnyslope. We had…
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An Open Letter to Brophy Preparatory School
I attended Friday nights basketball game between Sunnyslope and Brophy. As I entered the gym before the game, I was thankful to have the opportunity to be there in person to watch my twin boys play for their Sunnyslope team. I know not every parent (including me) is able to attend all their children’s games,…
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I love you on a Sunday. And all of the other days that follow.
Ronan, They say time heals all wounds, but we know that’s not true. It’s been ten years of not having you here, and my wounds are still just as deep, and the heaviness I carry with me never goes away. I have learned to live on this earth without you, but as time goes on,…
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Thankful for the opportunity to continue talking about Ronan, Taylor, childhood cancer, and the horrifically hard world of bereaved parents.
https://kjzz.org/content/1737378/you-were-my-best-4-years-scottsdale-mom-reflects-taylor-swifts-rerelease-ronan?fbclid=IwAR0enkIGpunEZ1qheo1ngCebWs7VHK59S0wR3YE7pVWlQJaviWYlMFquNSk
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I love you, little man. I love you, Taylor.
https://www.vulture.com/amp/2021/11/maya-thompson-interview-taylor-swift-ronan-song-video.html
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Keep Writing Through the Pain — Your Pain Is Your Power
https://staygoldforronan.company.site/ “Keep writing through the pain; your pain is your power,” is what I heard in my head all day today. So I did just that. I wrote. And sobbed. Rewriting Ronan’s diagnoses is the cruelest form of self-torture, but there’s no way around it. On a happier note, my lovely friend Samya finished up…
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Get Vaccinated. That’s It. That’s the Post.
I am so tired of this narrative. I’m so tired of having pointless conversations that go nowhere about this virus. I’m concerned for the safety of my daughter and kids everywhere because of the unvaccinated idiots (I’m not even calling them people anymore) gallivanting around as if they have something to be proud of. As…
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Hello Darkness, My Old Friend.
Ronan, It’s storming in Arizona tonight—the wind is howling, the rain is being finicky—but the lightning and thunder are playing a game of tag. Storms were our favorite. You used to love for me to take you outside—so we could dance in the rain together. Tonight, Poppy was sleeping during the storm. I woke her…
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Loving Ro Was Red
Ronan, You are unequivocally everywhere, yet you are nowhere. My eyes still wander for you while making my morning coffee as a hummingbird appears outside my window. I still spend my days chasing glimpses of you in the grocery store as a little boy who looks to be about four years old crosses my path.…
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Happy 18th Birthday to my Gemini twins, Liam and Quinn.
L I A M A L E X A N D E R Happy 18th birthday to my firstborn twin! My baby A. My LiLi. My gentle giant. I don’t know how this happened, how 18 years have gone by in the blink of an eye, and my little baby boy is so grown up.…
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Ronan’s Day of Love
May 12th is Ronan’s fourteen birthday. It is also Ronan’s Day of Love. Wear purple. Be brave. Do a random act of kindness. Laugh louder. Hug harder. Kiss longer. Explore nature. Have an adventure for him. Sprinkle his magic wherever you can. Tag me, and I’ll repost all the love.
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The three on earth who own my heart.
Liam and Quinn will be eighteen in June. Poppy just turned eight.
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Ten Years Without You Can Fuck the Fuck Off.
Ronan, Ten years ago today, you left this earth; you left me, you left us. Prayers didn’t save you.Medicine didn’t save you.My primal screams didn’t save you.Love didn’t save you.I would have done anything to save you. I would have traded my life for yours in an instant, but unfortunately, that’s not the way life…
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New York City, I Couldn’t Possibly Love You More
Ronan. I am walking the city streets of New York on the most perfect New York day, except I seem to be the only one who thinks it is perfect. Even though it’s the end of summer, it is gloomy and has been pouring down rain all morning long. All of the other human beings…
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Oh, Hello There — I Guess I’m Blogging Again
I am a mother, a bereaved mother, a wife, a lover, a friend, a survivor, a warrior, a pissed off feminist, a rebel with a cause, an activist for many and loyal as fuck. My blood may bleed gold and childhood cancer will always be my number one cause in life, but I fight for many.…
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Our new little website launch day is today!
Ronan. I miss you so much. I find myself thinking about your 10 year old self so much lately. What would you have been like at 10? What would your voice sound like? What sports would you be playing? Would you still be my little trouble maker? Would you still tell me that I was…
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Six years later and I swear I’m still waiting for you to come home.
Ronan. I’m on a plane leaving Arizona because it is almost the day that you died. And three days after that if you were still here, you would be turning 10. So, we packed up like we do every year for these still very painful dates and we are heading to New Orleans to see…
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Calling All Rockstar Models!
Coolest thing about being one of Ronan’s rockstars? Making the world a little better and brighter for all the brave little rockstars fighting cancer, which is totally what we’re doing with our favorite event of the year, Runway Heroes! Here’s where we need you: To make Runway Heroes possible—and raise as much money for…
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We Are Gathered Here Today to Get Through This Thing Called Life
Ronan. Five years without you in my world, and I don’t think there will ever come a time when I am not in disbelief. For the most part, the shock has worn off, but it still lingers when I least expect it. We left town for the anniversary of the day you died and for…
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Just a little update…
Ronan. I’ve been in hiding. Yes, you’ve been dead for over 4 years now and at times my pain is still so unbearable that I have to completely check out. I can usually foresee when this is coming. It all started with a September that was slammed for childhood cancer awareness month. I hardly slept,…
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Wanna help The Ronan Thompson Foundation win 10k??
All you have to do is VOTE here so that we can win a 10k grand from KIND snacks. Please help us out as this could be so helpful to our cause. Vote and share away. Thank you!! https://causes.kindsnacks.com/cause/the-ronan-thompson-foundation-4/
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We are going to keep this going all year long. Somebody gets these girls on Ellen! Or an agent!
Be Bold Go Gold, Part 2! https://vimeo.com/140747049
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