Do you know if this hotel is pager friendly?? I’m not getting a sig’ on my beeper.


It’s days like today that make me really angry at cancer. I pretty much sat and held Ronan the entire day. We snuggled in bed and on the couch and watched movies. He won’t let me leave his side; not that I would want to. We watched “The Fantastic Mr. Fox,” and the ever so appropriate, ” The Hangover.” (hence the title of my post tonight) I seriously think that is one of the funniest movies ever and I don’t think I could ever get tired of it. Ronan laughed a lot during the movie in spite of his pain. I’m not censoring much these days from him, especially if it makes him laugh. He is feeling awful and has been fighting a low grade fever most of the day. I’m pretty sure he’s developing Mucositis, just like he did with Round 4 of his chemo. He’s telling me his throat hurts, he’s not talking much, he doesn’t want to eat. He’s in pain and just wants to be held. I’m pretty sure we will end up at the hospital if I can’t get his fever to go away. I am positive his ANC counts are at 0. That means no immune system at all. Poor baby. I would give anything to take his pain away.

Our Saturday should have been spent at the twins’ basketball game and at our dear friends son’s 2nd Birthday party. I was so sad to miss both of those things today but I am glad Woody was able to go and take the boys. As my Niki said tonight… next year we will all be together to celebrate her little one turning 3. Thanks my friend, for checking on me the entire day even though you were in the middle of your son’s birthday. You are so amazing to me. Woody and the boys’ had a blast and came home so tired. They are now all snuggled up in bed while I sit here and will stay up as long as I can to watch Ro and his fever. I spoke to the on call doctor tonight and she said as long as his temp does not go above 100.4; we don’t have to come in. Hoping we make it through the night.

I still hate the nights. The nights where if and when I fall asleep, my dreams are filled with such vivid nightmares that I toss and turn all night long. The nights where I no longer get to sleep with my husband because Ronan refuses to share our bed with anyone but me. My poor Woo… what kind of a man would allow a child to kick him out of his own bed? Only the kind of man who has a heart of gold and who would give up anything and everything for his son. I feel awful. I miss Woody and our precious time we used to have together staying up late and laughing at silly things that we would talk about at night or watch on T.V. while the boys’ slept. I feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath me in so many ways. I’m tired and we still have such a long road ahead. Will this nightmare ever end???? Will I ever get my normal life back??? Everything is forever changed; and it better be with a very sweet outcome. All of our blood, sweat, and tears will save our baby. I swear to god on my life. Fucking cancer.

That is all for tonight. Going to try to unwind while watching my sweet lil’ man sleep. G’nite, sweet dreams my loves.

xoxo

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Do you know if this hotel is pager friendly?? I’m not getting a sig’ on my beeper.

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Do you know if this hotel is pager friendly?? I’m not getting a sig’ on my beeper. « ROCKSTAR RONAN -- Topsy.com

  2. Alyssa Crews

    UGH! So sorry that Ronan isn’t feeling well. I hope he starts feeling better soon and doesn’t get a fever or have to go inpatient at the hospital again. I know home is where he wants to be. I’m glad you two got to enjoy The Hangover together 🙂 So funny! Praying the time when Ronan is perfectly healthy will come very soon. He’s such a fighter! My hero. My 2nd junior semester of nursing is dedicated to him. Everything I read, study, learn, everyone I help, all dedicated to Ronan. He’s my inspiration. Believing…
    Alyssa
    COLE Prayer Team – http://www.colesfoundation.org

  3. Marquita Ward

    I understand where you are..my heart aches for my loved ones going through hell..my faith is tested and this is yet a season…waiting for this one to change over into a more welcome season…God bless your family and all it stands for.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s