I feel a little like Alice in Wonderland. A little lost, scared, curious, brave, hopeful, determined — a champion, a dreamer, and strong. A little like the Mad Hatter too: crazy, funny, smart, and zany. And the White Queen — confident, gracious, and sassy. I relate to so many of these characters in this movie. I feel like I am Alice, living in a crazy dream that I just can’t wake up from.
I haven’t cried in a few days, which is rare. I hope all of these drugs are not numbing me too much. I want to feel things… but I also don’t want to feel too much, or I won’t be able to function. These past few days, I have been looking at Ronan and just feeling happy and extremely lucky to be able to spend so much time with him.
His spirits have been great. He is so feisty and has been cracking me up. Last night, Liam and Quinn were in the shower, and Ronan kept running in there and throwing things on them. I was trying to get him to stop, but of course, he was not listening. I did my pretend “Woody call,” which is something I do when Woody is not here. Sometimes it works, and Ronan stops the naughty things he is doing.
Last night, when all of that was happening, I yelled out, “Woooooody!” Ronan looked me dead in the eye and said, “Woody’s not here.” I died laughing. Liam and Quinn were hysterical. It was so funny — and so smart of him. He has so much mischief and fire inside of him. It keeps me on my toes, and I love every second of it. He is so strong and brave. He is my hero.
Since we won’t be in the hospital for Thanksgiving, we will be spending it with our dear friends, the Kotaliks, and Mimi and Papa. It is going to be the best Thanksgiving ever. We have so many things to be thankful for this year. Just being able to be together as a family is a huge blessing.
We will hopefully start his chemo on Monday. Woody is devastated that we have had a little setback, but Ronan’s body needs to fully recover from the last round before starting the next one. I have faith that everything happens for a reason and that it will all work out. It just has to. We have come too far with all of this.
My mom and Jim will be coming out on the 1st of December for a visit. My mom is so nervous because of the way I flipped out on her the last time she was here. I keep reassuring her that I will be fine this time. I’m on medication, for crying out loud, and I know that is helping. We are surprising the boys and not telling them that Papa Jim is coming too. They will be so thrilled. It will be nice to have both my mom and Jim here. I have a very special bond with my stepdad. I love him to pieces and feel so lucky that my mom married him when I was 13. He is the greatest man.
That’s all for tonight. I am looking forward to a very peaceful weekend, with some very special friends coming into town for a visit on Saturday. I am so excited about that. It has been much too long since I have seen this dear friend of mine. I’m planning on a fun Saturday night and taking her and a few other girls to Chelsea’s Kitchen for dinner. It is going to be a very special evening, to say the least.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all tomorrow if I don’t get to check in. I am thankful, always and every day, for all of the blessings in my life.
Love to you all, my friends.
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