RoSweetness.RoMagic.RoLove.RoMazing.

Ronan. Can you even believe the sweet pictures, below? Some little girl, whom we don’t know had her 7th Birthday party today. She wanted to share the RoLove so she did her whole birthday party with you, everywhere. Thank you, sweet dolly Kate and her mommy, Nicole. I feel like I’ve been kissed on my lips by my Robaby himself.

People’s kinds hearts are amazing. And these little girls will grow up to be even more amazing, because of our love baby doll. I am so thankful for the parent’s who are grateful for the lessons they are learning. I am so grateful for parents like this, who understand how lucky they are to have their babes to tuck in and kiss goodnight. I am so thankful for the beauty that WILL come out of this. Your death will not be in vain, Ronan. I will keep spreading our love, everywhere. I am thankful for the beautiful people who are listening. Thank you so much. To ALL of you.

xoxo

Sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast

I feel a little like Alice in Wonderland. A little lost, scared, curious, brave, hopeful, determined, a champion, a dreamer and strong. A little like the Mad Hatter too. Crazy, funny, smart, and zany. And the White Queen, confident, gracious, and sassy. I relate to so many of these characters in this movie. I feel like I am Alice, living a crazy dream, and I just can’t wake up. I haven’t cried in a few days, which is rare. I hope all of these drugs are not numbing me too much. I want to feel things… but I also don’t want to feel too much or else I won’t be able to function. These past few days I have been looking at Ronan and just feeling happy and extremely lucky to be able to spend so much time with him. His spirits have been great. He is so feisty and has been cracking me up. Last night, Liam and Quinn were in the shower and Ronan kept running in there and throwing things on them. I was trying to get him to stop but he of course was not listening. I did my pretend Woody call, which is sometimes what I do when Woody is not here, and sometimes it works and Ronan stops the naughty things he is doing. Last night when all that was happening, I yelled out, “Woooooody!” Ronan looked me dead in the eye and goes, “Woody’s not here.” I died laughing. Liam and Quinn were hysterical with laughter. It was so funny and smart of him. He has so much mischief and fire inside of him. It keeps me on my toes and I love every second of it. He is so strong and brave. He is my hero.

So, since we won’t be in the hospital for Thanksgiving, we will be spending it with our dear friends, The Kotaliks and Mimi and Papa. It is going to be the best Thanksgiving ever. We have so many things to be thankful for this year. Just to be able to be together as a family is a huge blessing. We will hopefully start his chemo on Monday. Woody is devastated that we have had a little set back but Ronan’s body needs to fully recover from the last round to start this next round. I have faith that everything happens for a reason and it will all work out. It just has to; we have come too far with all of this.

My mom and Jim will be coming out on the 1st of December for a visit. My mom is so nervous because of the way I flipped out on her the last time she was here. I keep reassuring her that I will be fine this time…. I’m on medication for crying out loud and I know that is helping. We are surprising the boys’ and not telling them that Papa Jim is coming too. They will be so thrilled. It will be nice to have both my mom and Jim here. I have a very special bond with my step-dad… I love him to pieces and feel so lucky that my mom married him when I was 13. He is the greatest man.

That’s all for tonight. Looking forward to a very peaceful weekend with some very special friends coming into town for a visit on Saturday. I am so excited about that. It has been much too long since I have seen this dear friend of mine. Planning on a fun Saturday night and taking her and a few other girls to Chelsea’s Kitchen for dinner. It is going to be a very special evening to say the least.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all tomorrow if I don’t get to check in. I am thankful, always, everyday for all of the blessings in my life. Love to you all, my friends.

xoxo

The happiest day of my new life

I got a phone call from Dr. Maze today re: Ronan’s scan results. He told me as much as he could, which was so nice of him to do. Waiting is the hardest part and he instantly put me at ease with his news. Woody heard from Dr. Eshun around 5:00. We have some very good news to share tonight. 2 weeks ago we were told to expect the mass in Ronan’s abdomen to shrink around 20-25 percent, but not much more than that. Dr. Eshun told us tonight that the mass has actually shrunk 47%. That is huge news for us! We could not be happier with those results. It is still in his bone marrow, and there are a couple of other areas they are going to watch… but nothing else has progressed or started to grow, so Dr. Eshun is very pleased with what he is seeing. I fell to the floor after hearing this news… and cried like a baby. All I could think about was how I knew Ronan would fight this as hard as he possibly could. He is proving it by the results we are seeing and how well he is handling everything. He is so unbelievably strong. He is fighting so hard for us all of us, because he loves us all so much.Today has been such a happy day for our family, a day full of hope and a big sigh of relief. We still have a long road ahead of us, but today was a victory for us. Tonight, we will sleep a little better and dream a little sweeter. We are so full of hope and joy and are going to continue to love Ronan so deeply and so much that it kills all of his cancer. We are doing everything we can to surround him with positive energy, laughter, and love. We will continue with his treatment plan and pray that we continue to see amazing results.

I had lunch today with 3 lovely ladies. I finally had the chance to meet another mom, Lara, her son was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma and he is now 10 years old. They live here and are very involved in raising money to fund less toxic treatments for this disease and to find a cure. I cannot tell you how much meeting her meant to me. Her son, Noah, is alive, healthy, and is so full of love for life. He beat all of the odds and is living proof that miracles do happen. Lara gave me a lot of great advice and seeing her courage and strength was so very inspiring. I can’t wait to meet Noah someday and introduce Ronan to him.

I  also saw a therapist today. I knew within 15 minutes of our session that she was the one. Intelligent, compassionate, and we meshed well. She gets it. You want to know how I really knew she was the one for me?? She asked me about Ronan’s cancer, she asked me to tell her what his treatment plan entailed. I went through the list of 5 rounds of chemo, surgery, another round of chemo, stem cell transplant (maybe 2), Radiation, and the last blast of antibodies. She looked at me and goes, “Does cussing offend you?” I go, ” No, quite the opposite.” And she goes, “Good. Holy shit.” Ahhhhh, a woman after my own heart! I loved that she was so raw and blunt. I don’t need any sissy pants, sugar-coating, therapist. I need someone who understands that this is one of the worst possible things to happen to a parent and who can look me in the eye and tell me it’s bullshit, but she can figure out how to get me through it, so I don’t have to check myself into a loony bin. This lady is going to be that person for me, I can already tell. I feel better than I have in a very long time. I can see little pieces here and there of our old life coming back. It’s like there are little flickering pieces of glitter floating through the air and every once in a while I’ll catch one. I caught one yesterday when I spent a few hours with Woody. We went furniture shopping and to lunch. I can’t tell you how important those few hours were with him. I allowed myself to forget about Ronan’s cancer for a while and just enjoyed spending some time with my husband. It was a beautiful day spent with a beautiful man.

I just want to tell each and every one of you who are reading this blog, following Ronan’s journey, praying and thinking about us, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will say this over and over again until the day I die… I know he feels your love and I know all of the love, prayers, and positive energy are working. There is only so much medicine can do, so please continue to do whatever you are doing for him:)