Stupid bloody nose

Stupid bloody nose. Those were the words I heard all day long. Ronan had a handful of bloody noses over the weekend, but nothing that we couldn’t control. Last night, he wanted to sleep in his own bed so I let him. I slept in his room with him, but in the other bed. I fell asleep around midnight and woke up to noises that were coming from the livingroom. Ronan was sitting on the couch, upset over his nose that was bleeding. I don’t know if he was upset because he didn’t know where I was or because of the bloody nose. All I know is he was pissed and wanted nothing to do with me. It took me a good hour and a half to calm him down and get him back to sleep. He was slamming doors, screaming, and crying. I think it was a combination of him not feeling well and me not being in his bed with him that upset him so much. We had an appointment for the clinic at 10:45 this morning, but I called and got us in early. From about 9-4, Ronan had a pretty consistent nose bleed. His platelets were really low so they transfused him twice. He also received some blood. My body physically aches from all we went though today. It seemed like all the pinching in the world could not get the blood to stop. We were covered in his blood by the time we went home and his little nose is so sore and raw. He was so upset by the whole thing that we had our nurse, “A,” give him a sedative, twice. Mimi Kay stayed the entire time with me, thank god. She helped to get me new Kleenexs, and wiped me down with baby wipes when I was covered in blood. Now that’s a good mother-in-law right there;) Finally, around 4:00, it subsided but we waited until 5 to go home. Once we got home, Ronan was off and running full force; despite me trying to keep him relaxed and calm. He threw a bit tantrum about wanting to go and get shaved ice, so I took him to the little place right by our house. I figured after his day, he deserved it. Since we’ve been home, he has been fine. But one more nosebleed and we will have to be admitted into the E.R. Praying that this does not happen.

Sitting in the clinic today was hard. You know what’s sadder than a 3-year-old with cancer? A teenager with cancer. I have decided that after spending the afternoon, surrounded by older kids with cancer. As I watched them, I felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces all over again. At least Ronan doesn’t understand what is happening to him. He just finds it more annoying then anything. He is so fiercely independent, and I know a big part of his anger is not being able to be independent anymore. But he doesn’t get the jist of it.. the bigger picture of all of this. These older kids, understand everything. They understand mortality and what they are up against. I can’t imagine what they must be going through or feeling. Thinking back to when I was a teenager, I was so clueless. I had no idea that I was so blessed to be a healthy kid… I will never look at teenagers the same again. Especially one’s with cancer. Add them to my list of heroes.

Okay… I am so tired my eyes are blurry. Hope I even make sense tonight. Going to try to get some sleep. Thanks for all of you who were thinking of our precious Ronan Baby today. Big huge virtual hug to you ALL!

Sweet dreams, my angels.


8 thoughts on “Stupid bloody nose”

  1. The people at my church prayed for Ronan as I keep he and the family on the prayer list. I admire how you use the post as a way to heal. Do what you need to do lady. We just want you all to come out on the good side of all of this. God bless you all!

  2. Jesus blood is covering us and I know the Lord is faithful to take care of this situation. Remember His blood when these things take place. Hopefully this won’t happen again. The Lord takes us from glory to glory. Test to test. This results in testimonies..speaking of the Lord’s faithfulness to get us through it all. Thank you Lord for another hard trial that you have gotten them through. Continue to bless with times of refreshing and thankfulness. In Jesus name amen.

  3. Cancer and its effects are so unforgiving. My heart goes out to you and want you to know that I think of you and Ronin and your family every day. Your words bring me back to Mila’s struggle and even to this day, almost 3 1/2 years later the hurt is still there. She never had the nose bleeds, but I am sure that Ronin is not only mad, but unable to understand why this is happening. Please know you are in many prayers and there are those who may not be there physically, but in spirit who are supporting in some small way the steps you take daily.
    I have to agree with you about seeing the others who are also afflicted. I wish each and every person was able to spend just one day on the third floor of Phoenix Children’s Hospital and go from room to room and vist each of these little warriors. Maybe this world would be one of compassion, understanding and love if they did.
    Hugs to you and your family…and prayers from one who truly understands your daily struggles.

  4. Hi Maya~ What a tough day you all had…I hope today was better. I’m so sorry that you are dealing with all of this. Extra prayers coming your way! xoxo michelle

  5. What a beautiful child! My heart goes out to you and your family. Please know that I pray for your blue eyed beauty every day! Stay strong and give him an extra special hug today. I have a little girl and boy and I can’t ever imagine going through what your going through. You really do inspire me and everyone else dealing with this horrible disease. As always, my thoughts and prayers are with you all.

  6. I am amazed daily at the strength that this family and Ronan put forth when meeting the challenges of his affliction and the treatments. I contribute what I can although anonymously and you all will be in my prayers every day.

    That this pain should be inflicted on this little boy is such an egregious wrong. Ronan keep up the fight, I know you will prevail.

    I doubt that I could show he strength of this little guy.

  7. Keep up your strength. You are amazing. Do not let foolish words bring you down. Praying often and always for you all. Looking forward to seeing you all my Jedi family:)))

    Willits crew

  8. I want to say thank you for your blog it has given me strength to endure and help a friend through his battle. Last year one of my friends died of lymphoma then a couple months I had another friend diagnosed with cancer and it’s so hard especially at my age knowing at any second your friend could pass away at the age of 17 but not going to happen. He fights like rockstar Ronan

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