Beautiful weekend, beautiful friends

What a great, long weekend. We spent it pretty low key. We really just hung out at home, watching movies, playing outside, and getting ready for the upcoming week. On Saturday, Charisma, and her family, who had been in Tucson for Thanksgiving, drove up for the day to see us. We spent the day watching the boys play, Charisma and I went and got pedicures while the Woody held down the fort, and then we went to Chelsea’s Kitchen for dinner with some of the girls. I can’t tell you how nice it was to spend some time with my friend. I miss her so much and will never let so much time pass again before seeing her again. The boys really get along with her son. He is such a sweet soul like his mama. Ronan was very playful with her and had no problem warming up. I was surprised considering the way he usually is around people. I am happy CC got to see how “healthy” he looks. He was running around, happy as a clam the entire day and night. It was a great day and night. I was sad to see her go… wish I could keep her with me here forever;) Ronan’s favorite soon to be doctor, Katie, also came by the house for a visit. At the beginning of all of this, when everyone was poking and prodding at Ronan, because they didn’t know what was wrong yet…. Dr. Katie is the only one Ronan would let come near him. She sat in on the surgery when they removed the tumor out of the left orbit of his eye. She is family to us now and it was so good to see her. Ronan is still talking about it this morning. He keeps telling me he loves Dr. Katie and wants to know why he can’t see her at the hospital. So cute and sweet. Thanks Katie for the visit. It meant so much to us to be able to see you. Your being there for us during the hardest time in our life is something we will always be grateful for. You were the only one who put my mind at ease.

Tomorrow, we go into the clinic and we will have Ronan’s platelets checked. We need them to be above 75,000 in order to start his chemo week. Praying that they are. I’m stressing that this is now going to throw off our whole New York plan. We will know more tomorrow depending on if we get to start this round or not. It’s not good to let more than 6 weeks pass in between chemo treatments. I just cannot imagine that he will not be good to go….. he looks and is acting like he is feeling great. He’s been so loving to me lately. I know a lot of it has to do with being home and with Liam, Quinn, and Woody. Today, I sat on the couch with Quinn and Ronan and watched all of the new version of “Alice in Wonderland.” Quinn and Ronan loved it. I couldn’t believe Ro sat through the entire movie. About every 20 minutes he would wrap his arms around me, smile up at me and give me the biggest kiss. It was so sweet. Liam and Woody spent the day watching football and playing some G.I. Joe PS3 game.

Everyone is tired tonight and we all need a good nights sleep to get ready for the week ahead. Last night, I made the mistake of coming home from my evening out and I didn’t take my medication that helps me sleep. I was trying to prove to myself that I was so tired, that I didn’t need it. Big mistake. It was the worst night of sleep. I tossed and turned all night long and had the most horrific dreams. I won’t be making that mistake again. It’s not worth it at this point in my life.

Good morning! I fell asleep soon after writing that last night. Ronan was way too cuddly for me to stay awake. A good night sleep makes such a difference. Boys are off to school and Ro playing Star Wars in his room. I’m ready to check in to the hospital. Fingers crossed. I’ve had our bags packed and in the car for a week now. I have Ronan all prepped and he knows that we have to go in today. He seems fine with it. I’ve come to learn that if I prepare him for things, he adjusts better to the situation. I hope you all have a beautiful Monday. I will keep you posted on if we are admitted today or not. Love to you all!!

xoxo

Stupid bloody nose

Stupid bloody nose. Those were the words I heard all day long. Ronan had a handful of bloody noses over the weekend, but nothing that we couldn’t control. Last night, he wanted to sleep in his own bed so I let him. I slept in his room with him, but in the other bed. I fell asleep around midnight and woke up to noises that were coming from the livingroom. Ronan was sitting on the couch, upset over his nose that was bleeding. I don’t know if he was upset because he didn’t know where I was or because of the bloody nose. All I know is he was pissed and wanted nothing to do with me. It took me a good hour and a half to calm him down and get him back to sleep. He was slamming doors, screaming, and crying. I think it was a combination of him not feeling well and me not being in his bed with him that upset him so much. We had an appointment for the clinic at 10:45 this morning, but I called and got us in early. From about 9-4, Ronan had a pretty consistent nose bleed. His platelets were really low so they transfused him twice. He also received some blood. My body physically aches from all we went though today. It seemed like all the pinching in the world could not get the blood to stop. We were covered in his blood by the time we went home and his little nose is so sore and raw. He was so upset by the whole thing that we had our nurse, “A,” give him a sedative, twice. Mimi Kay stayed the entire time with me, thank god. She helped to get me new Kleenexs, and wiped me down with baby wipes when I was covered in blood. Now that’s a good mother-in-law right there;) Finally, around 4:00, it subsided but we waited until 5 to go home. Once we got home, Ronan was off and running full force; despite me trying to keep him relaxed and calm. He threw a bit tantrum about wanting to go and get shaved ice, so I took him to the little place right by our house. I figured after his day, he deserved it. Since we’ve been home, he has been fine. But one more nosebleed and we will have to be admitted into the E.R. Praying that this does not happen.

Sitting in the clinic today was hard. You know what’s sadder than a 3-year-old with cancer? A teenager with cancer. I have decided that after spending the afternoon, surrounded by older kids with cancer. As I watched them, I felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces all over again. At least Ronan doesn’t understand what is happening to him. He just finds it more annoying then anything. He is so fiercely independent, and I know a big part of his anger is not being able to be¬†independent¬†anymore. But he doesn’t get the jist of it.. the bigger picture of all of this. These older kids, understand everything. They understand mortality and what they are up against. I can’t imagine what they must be going through or feeling. Thinking back to when I was a teenager, I was so clueless. I had no idea that I was so blessed to be a healthy kid… I will never look at teenagers the same again. Especially one’s with cancer. Add them to my list of heroes.

Okay… I am so tired my eyes are blurry. Hope I even make sense tonight. Going to try to get some sleep. Thanks for all of you who were thinking of our precious Ronan Baby today. Big huge virtual hug to you ALL!

Sweet dreams, my angels.

xoxo