Ronan. Today, was not a day I expected at all. I had an early appointment at The Fetal&Women’s Center of Arizona. I had to take your brothers because the appointment was so early. Mandy Bee offered to come and sit with them while I went back for my appointment. As we were sitting there waiting, Mandy goes, “You know you can find out the sex of the baby here, right?” I told her I wasn’t aware of that as I thought I had to wait until I saw my OBGYN in a couple more weeks. She told me how she found out at 12 weeks here with both of her boys. I am further along than that, but not much. As soon as my name was called, I got up and asked if it was o.k. if everybody came back in the room with me. The sweet lady told me it was. Your brothers sat playing on their iPads and I was on the table, getting my little belly lubed up. Pretty soon, Poppy was on the big screen. My heart started pounding. So loudly I was sure that everyone in the room was going to hear it. The lady started measuring some things. Mandy chirped up, “Can you tell the sex of the baby today?” The technician told her she indeed could. She asked me if I would like to know. I said, “Sure!” Of course you know I am so impatient when it comes to all things being pregnant. She put the little wand over my belly. I felt myself panic. Oh god. Ronan really wanted a girl. Please. I really wanted a girl. For as much as I can say all I care about is a healthy baby, the truth is, a little girl would mean so much mainly for the fact that you wanted a baby sister. The picture came on the screen. I heard her say it was a boy, before she said anything at all. “From what I can see here, it looks like you are having a baby girl.” “Really? Are you sure?” The technician told me she was about 90% sure. I could not believe my ears. I started bawling, tears falling everywhere. Mandy came over and grabbed my head and kissed the top of it. I buried my head in her shoulder trying to control myself. It was no use. Mascara and snot everywhere. I don’t think I have stopped crying, the entire day. Quinn was over the moon. Liam chirped up that there was a 10% chance that is was not a girl. So typical. So funny. I tried to call your daddy. He didn’t answer. I had Quinn call your Nana. She thought we were all lying to her. No way could it really be a girl.
I finally got your daddy on the phone. As much as I hated to tell him this on the phone because he is in Vegas, there was NO way I couldn’t tell him. “Guess what?” I said, tears still falling everywhere. Your daddy never knows what he’s going to get with me. It could have been everything from “I’m leaving for Tibet to I bought a dog.” I think he was really relieved when he heard me say, “We’re having a baby girl.” He was so happy. He said he knew it. I think deep down, I knew it too, but the confirmation was nice today. I spent the rest of the morning calling and texting our closest peeps. Fernanda. Stacy. Becca. Macy. Liz. Dr. Jo. Melissa. Gay. Tricia. Danielle. Marisa. Carolyn. Charisma. Kass. Rach. Robyn. Rissy Girl. Katie. Meg. Our Fairy RoMo. It is her birthday today. Can you believe that shit?! I found out on her birthday, which was not planned at all! This appointment just happened to fall on her birthday! Talk about another huge sign! There was one person I had not told yet. Your Sparkly. He is the last person I told today. This was not something I was going to tell him over the phone. I had to tell him I was pregnant with this baby, over the phone. I NEVER get to make him smile with happy news, because all the news I sit and share with him is usually so fucking sad or me venting. I sent him a text. “Where are you?” He responded with “In a meeting. Are you o.k.?” I said I was o.k. That I needed to see him today. “I’ll see you in 20 minutes. Come to my office.” I met him there. I was in the middle of sending an email when he came down to get me. I didn’t see him walk up, I only heard him barking some smart ass remark to me, like he always does. He sat down. I told him to hang on, that if I didn’t send this email, I would forget to do it.” He sat. I kind of crawled over to him and gave him a big hug. He laughed at that. “What’s going on? You look pretty today. You know what the baby is, don’t you.” I smiled. “Yup. It’s a baby girl.” I watched his eyes light up in a way that his often do, when he is truly happy. I was so glad I got to tell him my news in person. “I knew you were having a baby girl. I told you that. Ahhhh! You with a baby girl. Finally, someone you can do all those girly things with that you love doing. You two are going to be something else.” I laughed and talked about you a little bit. How much you wanted a baby sister. I am still trying to absorb this all. I cannot believe all the little blessings you are putting in our lives. I left your Sparkly and as I got in the car, I sent him a quick text. “You are going to make the best grand poppy ever. She is so lucky to have you.” He responded back with a simple, “I will.” I said, “I know. Thank you.”
The rest of my day, played out in a way that I don’t think I can take much more. I got a text from Carolyn saying to call her that she had some news. I, of course went to, “Oh fuck. It’s got to be something bad, because too many good things are happening lately.” I texted her back, “Is it good news or bad news?” I was expecting the bad from my friend and foundation president. She responded with, “It might just be the BEST news ever.” I called her. I did not think anything else could happen today, that would leave me speechless. I was wrong. Tears all over. As of now, I can’t talk about our news. All I can say is I cannot believe all of this. I am overwhelmed. I am floored. I cannot believe how truly hard you are working, Ronan. I have never believed in something more in my life, then you. You are making so many amazing things happen. I ended the day with Stacy at Fernanda’s house. I told her the Carolyn news. She could not believe it. A baby girl and now this?! She looked at me and said, “How are you not so overwhelmed?! Aye! Maya! You know this is all Ronan. You know that you could have been in bed for the past year, and we would have all been o.k. with that. Because that would have been totally acceptable! But you chose not to do that, and look at everything is happening.!” I started to cry. I said I knew. I knew but I also knew from day one, that I couldn’t do that. I have to make you proud, Ronan. Lying in bed for the past year, would not have made you proud. But I appreciated Fernanda saying that. I know she meant it because she is such a true friend like that. All of my friends are. I am so lucky to have them all. They stuck by me during my darkest of days. Even on my darkest of days, when nobody knew what to do with me, they stood by me. They didn’t judge me. They may have gently slapped me here and there, but they didn’t talk ill or abandon me or whisper behind my back. This is why they are still in my life. Because they never gave up on the you and me part of this. They just let me be, trusting in me to come around when I needed to come around. For that, I will forever be so thankful. For that, they will forever be my sisters. This baby girl, is going to have so many beautiful aunties. With you watching over her, with a daddy like yours, and your big brothers, too. This baby girl is going to be the most loved little baby girl in the world. Thank you, Ronan. I so badly wish you were here. More than anything. She will be a part of you and I cannot wait to meet her. Please make her extra extra spicy.
Today, was a really happy day full of never-ending tears. Tears of both happiness and sadness. Today, my tears were more happy. I’m soaking that up, because it doesn’t happen often. I miss you so much. I love you so much. I hope you are safe. Please keep this baby girl safe for me, Ronan. I know you will.
Happiest Birthday ever to our Fairy RoMo. You are pure magic and are totally going to make the best fucking godmother ever. Poppy is so lucky. We all are. I love you.