Your other song for the night. And it really is your song. I still can’t listen to it, without bawling. She is so beautiful. I love you both to the moon and back.

45 responses to “Your other song for the night. And it really is your song. I still can’t listen to it, without bawling. She is so beautiful. I love you both to the moon and back.”

  1. Hi Maya-

    I am still so amazed by you! I read every single update and I am not a FB user but quickly texted my husband who is on FB to vote! I was temped to sign up for FB all for your darling Ronan!
    I took our 10yr. old son Jack in for his montly post treatment check up/CBC yesterday and our Oncologist and nurse who have heard and been following your posts to Ronan wanted me to make sure my friend Cheryl gets in touch with you! I said you are barely able to get out of bed right now and have thousands of other important people to get back to but I would do my best. I think you two would really hit it off not just because you have both lost the loves of your lives and you are very “real” people who share many of the same beliefs. She (and her hubby Dave and son Nick) lost “Cooper the Trooper” to neuroblastoma and it just sucks! I mentioned Cooper’s website to you and I know you have plenty on your plate but if you are bored (ha) and want to see who Ronan is pals with in a place that may be a lot better than where we are check out cooperproscia on caringbrige. He and Ronan were everyone’s favorite boys! It is so hard to believe that Ronan was a healthy boy just about ready to celebrate his first bday when Cooper died. Not fair for these boys or the loving families left behind. I know you are given so much advice but one of the best tips I got from one of my sons Child Life Sp. at UCSF was to take it not just day by day but hour by hour and that was great advice because it helped me a lot and many other moms like us. I also liked your thoughts on meds. I had so many friends telling me to take anti/depres. or relaxers all that junk- I almost NEVER even take tylenol so I refused any RX’s – I just wanted to be myself and deal with reality. Continue to love yourself and your incredible husband and Liam and Quinn.
    ps.. when Jack was diagnosed we had a site called “jacksbigrace” that was set up by friends with 40,000+hits but then I couldn’t keep up anywhere close to what you do so then we stopped the site and just joined caringbridge which I am embarrasesd by in comparison to Ronan’s site but who cares and feel free to take a peak- we did have a baby girl (Stella Rose 4yrs. now) right before Jack finished chemo and almost died of pneumonia but that is another story.

    Deborah Pogacar

  2. So beautiful, it’s 3:00am where I am, I’ve read your entire blog in the past week and my heart is broken for you. Taylor Swift is the reason I found out about your blog, before I knew she was to perform it,I heard she wrote a song so I listened to it on YouTube that same night. You are going to do such wonderful things for childhood cancer, I’m just so sorry you had to lose your precious boy for that to happen. I am in a sad place in my life right now but Your blog truly changed me and for that I thank you. It puts things in perspective and makes me love even harder. You are a beautiful soul Maya!

  3. Hi Maya,
    You recently came into my life. And it couldn’t have happened at a better time, which I know sounds cold after everything that your family has been through but it will make sense I promise. I learned about you and your beautiful blue eyed baby through Stand up to cancer. So I read your blog and laughed at Ronan’s antics and cried whenever you got bad news. Then I found out two weeks later that my cousin’s daughter 7 year old has Stage 4 Neuroblastoma, just like your Ronan. And now I know that no matter what our family will get through it because of you and Ronan helping to get a cure Alannah has a fighting chance. So thank you for everything you are doing to help fight childhood cancer and thank you for helping Alannah.

  4. Hello Maya.
    I’m French, yes from France! So sorry if my english is not really good…
    I read you every day since I’ve heard Taylor singing Ronan.. And I can’t forget you’re story.. You and Ronan really touch me, so much !
    Ronan was so gorgeous, so perfect little boy and I regret to don’t know you earlier.
    I would have liked to know you one year ago and support you, and help you everyday with good words..But now.. I don’t know what to say… I’m really sorry for you, I can’t understand you’re pain, but million milles away from you I think about you Maya, and I think about Ronan. I hope he is safe too.
    You have been THE perfect mum for Ronan, don’t forget this. You (and you’re family) make him happy. He is gone happy. Don’t forget this Maya !!
    You are a really great mother, really good person. I love your words, I’ll continue to read you everyday and I’ll pray for you to keep eyes closed for the night.

    There is a french song, from my favorite french singer
    And there is a sentence that we can traduce like :

    Since you’ve go to the sky, angels never been so beautiful…

    It make me think about you’re Ronan
    Love and Peace,

  5. Maya,
    I have no words for your pain, I have never had to experience your pain. I too found you from Taylor. She is not really “my style” so I do not usually follow her but at the SU2C show her words about Ronan brought me to tears. He was a BEAUTIFUL little fighter. I have a young couple that lost their 2 year old recently as well and the song speaks for him as well to my heart “fought like an Army guy” I pray each day that your pain will become bearable and the new life growing in you will start to bring some joy back into your life. I am a strong believer Ronan is around you and is excited to see his new sibling. I pray each day you have a few more moments with a little less pain. Peace and blessings Jennifer

  6. Hi. I’ve recently have been following your blog. I am heartbroken for your loss. I have two little ones myself and I couldn’t imagine loosing them let alone the pain you must feel. I wish for you to have one more moment with Ronan just one sec with him……..
    This world sucks!
    Keep fighting.

  7. I love this song so much. I cry right along with you. Taylor is my new favorite person! Bless her 22 year old heart!

  8. Hello,

    What a beautiful picture, one to keep forever in your heart. You are such a strong woman, with a force only a mom can be.

    Greetings from Canada


  9. It is such a beautiful song. Thank you Taylor and Maya for writing it and changing the world! FU Cancer.

  10. Hi Maya,

    I know a song that always makes me think of you. It’s “The Shape of You” by Jewel. It’s a tearjerker so don’t listen until you’re ready. You and your family are in my thoughts, take care.


  11. Maya,
    I just learned about your blog after reading the NYT article about the story behind Taylor Swift’s new song “Ronan”.

    I was so amazed by the emotion that Taylor Swift captured in the words of her song…it made me think about my younger sister, Aimee, who passed away 18 years ago. I totally agree that the true miracle is that we did get to spend time, however short it might have been. Even after all this time memories of her still get me all choked up. The sound of bare feet down a hallway, a little voice asking me “Am I pretty?” with a hair brush all tangled up in her hair, or how her eyes would light up. While I can say that it gets easier as time passes and the emotions won’t always be so raw the hurt never goes away. It’s like a wound that heals but leaves a scar.

    Thank you for keeping the memory of Ronan alive in your blog and using it to inspire so many.

    My heart truly goes out to you. I don’t know what it like to be a mother who has lost her child but I can relate to losing someone so young who should have their whole life ahead of them. God bless you and keep you through these difficult times.

  12. Hi Maya,
    I knew you and your baby’s story thanks her, the song she wrote is so wondeful, the lyric made me cry and her voice is amazing.
    I read your blog, doing that I was often in tears because Ronan’s life story is commovent and I don’t know what to say, I’m speechless.
    I am a very young girl (and I don’t speak English very much, I’m still studing)…reading Ronan’s story inspired me. I thought that one day maybe I could be a oncologist…
    I mean…it would be an amazing work…can help somebody like Ronan…I’m not still sure, I’ve never thought about this possibility before…but I will, I will.
    I’m so young but I’m near you and your family.
    Ronan was (and still is) a beautiful baby, he will always live in your, in our hearts all.
    This blog saved my life.
    Thank you ♥
    A little big hug,

  13. I just found your blog today through the posting of Taylor Swifts song from a friend on Facebook. I have not had your experience, but it affected me so much as my little boy shares your sons name and he’s only 4 and I can’t imagine life without him. My heart goes out to you.

  14. Dear Maya,
    I too heard about your blog and foundation as a result of hearing Taylor Swift’s beautiful, yet heart-wrenching song, Ronan. I learned that her song is based on your blog entries and I quickly turned to reading your blog posts after having put my 15 month old son to sleep. Needless to say, reading your blog entries had a profound effect on me as did seeing the pictures or your gorgeous little boy with the most amazing blue eyes I think I have ever seen. I found myself crying for your lost little boy, whom I do not know, but with whom I share a birthday.

    You were able to convey in your blog posts what my worst fear is about my own son, that someday something terrible might happen and the person that I love most in this world will not be with me anymore. This is a terrible thought that you experienced in reality. I am so, so sorry for your loss and I will do everything I can to help you in raising funds for your foundation. Today, I have emailed all of my friends and have asked them to vote for your foundation on Facebook to receive funds as part of the Chase Community Giveaway. I’ve also asked them to tell their friends, which happily, many of them have done. I truly hope you win, you deserve to. I’d like to do more. Please let me know how I can help your foundation. You are making a difference. Other children will benefit from what you are doing. I am in awe of what you are doing.



  15. Hey Maya!

    I’m starting a mini fundraiser in Oct/Nov and all net proceeds are going to be donated to your foundation! Your blog inspired me to do something good for this cause.

  16. Hi Maya,

    I, like many others, discovered your blog after listening to Taylor Swift perform Ronan’s song on Stand Up To Cancer the other week. Her lyrics (your lyrics, really) were so powerful and so raw that I still cannot listen to the song without crying. I have spent the last few days reading through your older entries and getting to know you, your family and, of course, Ronan. What an amazing little boy he was. I am so very sorry for your loss. It is obvious to me that his life, however brief, was meant to inspire others, myself included. I am currently in nursing school and was unsure of what area I wanted to pursue after graduation. After reading about Ronan, and the horrific statistics you posted regarding childhood cancer, I have decided to pursue pediatric oncology as my specialty. Ronan inspired that.

    Best wishes to you as you experience the joy (and sorrow) that this new baby will bring to your family. Sending hugs your way.


  17. you are truly the perfect picture of a mother’s undying love for her children and for that I tip my hat to you and say thank you. we love you and your little sweet heart and i think I speak for everyone when I say we are proud of you and Ronan’s courage you are truly remarkable. with love Ahmanah

  18. Maya…I have read your entire blog ever since listening to Ronan’s song from Taylor. You and your family have touched me so much!! I am constantly checking for new posts. I am spreading the word out here in jersey about your blog and I support you 110%. Anything for Ronan.

  19. Hello Maya and family,

    Ronan was a very beautiful boy and it looks like he was loved by many and he loved you very much. Reading your story is truley inspiring and really hits home with me. My son Zachary Michael lost his battle to Hepatablastoma (a liver cancer) after 8 months of fighting on 10/20/2002. 1 month shy of his 3rd birthday. It is the worst thing that I went through and continue to battle with. I miss him so very much that it hurts all the time. Its going to be 10 years this year that I lost him and I still can’t watch his home videos nor look at his pictures. I think its because I never wanted to close that chapter of his life. I want you to know that after reading your story, it has opened a door that has been forced shut all this time. Once I heard Taylor Swift’s song, it felt like she was talking about my little Buggz and awakened something in me that has I havent’ felt in some time. I cried for 4 days straight. I think I have the courage to start a new chapter with him and start the acceptence of his loss. There was so much that I said I was going to do in honor of him; from starting a foundation, building a playground in his name, raising awareness about childrens’ cancer, the list goes on. Thank you for sharing Ronan’s story and I am very sorry that he lost his battle to the monster. I really believe that our children are with us all the time and sometimes guiding us down paths that we didn’t expect!

    My heart goes out to you. God bless you and your family!!


  20. Maya your story is amazing. After hearing Taylor’s song about Ronan my heart broke and it made me very interested in starting a club at my school dedicated to fundraisng for childhood cancer and visiting children fighting this disease. I wish the best for you and your family. Ronan’s story has made such an impact and will continue too.

  21. I ran for Ronan tonight. It hurt like hell and I was fucking grateful. It was a privilege.

  22. Maya,
    Just like many I started reading your blog when I hear the Ronan song on YouTube. You did it! You are making the word spread about childhood cancer! I have shared with others. I haven’t read all of your posts on your blog. I can’t imagine. Just to read your words it’s hurts. I will buy a shirt and some soon to support your wonderful cause! And I would just like to say that you are a perfect mom. You have done everything for your son and family above and beyond what many others do!
    – I will keep reading your posts! I will still follow you and the cause! Keep your head up your a strong woman. Don’t let anything stand in the way of your dreams.
    Thank you for all you do and everyone standing up for you!

  23. Hey Maya! I’ve been reading our blog for a while and am so inspired by it. I’m a nurse at a hospital in Chicago and plan to work in peds oncology as my boyfriend had lymphoma when he was 18. He inspired me but reading about Ronan has made my desire to work in that field even stronger. I was in our hospital website and there was a story about you, Ronan, and your blog on there! I was so excited to see that Advocate (our hospital system) is taking notice and spreading he word!! Good luck to you and your fam, I think you’re awesome! ~ Tracy

  24. i have a confession to make. i cry every time i read your posts.

  25. Hello Maya-
    Just getting my kids off to school and wanted to let you know I am headed to Stanford (right near Lucille Packard Hospital) today as a guest of my moms, to a St. Judes benefactors thank you luncheon. I am going to talk about Ronan and make sure ALL know about him and your site and most importantly the foundation. I want to encourage my mom and the others like her today to give to Ronan’s foundation. Hoping you are feeling good today:)

  26. Hi Maya just read your blog and my husband works at saiint judes it is hard for a doctor to try to tell a parent there is nothing else they can do for there child. This is the most hardest thing for them to ever have to do. They are there to heal and do everything possiable to heal these babies. They have to be strong and sometimes they start to cry and they trun away because they have to show there strong but in true they have there hearts breaking as well.
    my husband treats each child as if it were his own to try and save them
    i watch him when he comes home and sits in the car and there are tears in his eyes and i know that it is killing him inside . but he always said he went into medcine so he could save these babies . You just don,t know the hurt that is inside of these doctors the burden they
    carry with them to lose one child to them is the most hurt for them i know i see it in my husband everyday . They try to be strong but sometimes that is not that easy. One day there well be a cure and i hope it is soon . life will get better for you and Ronan is giving you many blessing so don,t over look that and always remember there is hope as long as every one
    stands up and say no more we need a cure now .

  27. Hi Maya,

    im japanese so i cant tell u my mind well in english but i will try.
    I heard the song “Ronan” on youtube.
    I knew it that Taylor made a song for Ronan..but i couldn’t heard
    cuz i thought it will make me cry. Yes,I cried a lot when i heard this song.
    I can understand your mind cuz I lost my grandma..she also passed away because of cancer.
    i really loved her, i didn’t want leave from her.. so much.
    but my family told me ” Even she was not in here she always be your side, Don’t forget it”
    Since that time Im breathing with strong heart. 😀

    I dont know what I can do for u..but I can read this blog everyday
    I can love “Ronan”, I’d love to support what I can do.

    Love you, Ronan and Family.


    1. I’m so so sorry this happened to u Ronan and maya. Everyone will die it was Ronan time. When you die u will see Ronan safe,healthy,happy. For now we can just help other with the disease like Ronan. Taylor was so kind to a song for Ronan. It was so beautiful.

      R.I.P. Ronan your mommy will see u again.

  28. Maya,
    I have been following your blog since I hear the Ronan song. And my heart broke for you when Ronan passed away. I just felt like I should tell you that I took my puppy to the vet today and while we were waiting for the vet I heard another dog come in and the lady called his name and his name was Ro. It was weird all I instantly thought about was your sweet boy. I’m so glad to hear your foundation got the $50,000 grant. I know you’ll do great things with it! 🙂

  29. Your Blog is so Inspirational! Your little Ronan is so Sweet. I am so impressed with all that you have gone through. What an amazing song and Tribute from Taylor Swift. It is so emotional to a stranger like me, I can’t even imagine how you must feel about it. Thanks for sharing with the world your most precious child. He is AMAZING!
    Thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

  30. Maya, I am one who truly suffers from depression. I also have Lupus. To say I take a lot of medications is to say the least. I have read your posts and I want you to know that you were smart not to take anti-depressants for extreme grief. They don’t work that way. Because you are now pregnant, I truly believe the anti-depressants would have had an adverse effect on you. Anti-depressants are strong, powerful medications that are meant to change the “brain waves” in people with true depression. In your shoes, without depression, I would be depressed too. I miss Ronan and am sorry for you and your family.
    Love, Marie Ellison

  31. Charlene Dhea R. Rodriguez Avatar
    Charlene Dhea R. Rodriguez

    Hi maya!
    I’ve been reading your blog for quite sometime and it never stop inspiring me. So i decided to apply for med school (im from the Philippines btw) after a long struggle of deciding if i should continue my climb to this profession. childhood cancer is almost ignored in my country unfortunately but because of ronan i thought i could start to make a difference and take the first step in FUCKING cancer out!!! Thanks a lot and to your baby doll. Goodluck and God bless your family!! 😀 stay strong because we still had a lot of fighting against cancer to do.

    -Charlene, 20 from the philippines 😀

  32. Hi Maya,
    Thank you for sharing your story. I am a fairly new nurse trying to find my “passion” for what type of work I wish to spend my life pursuing. You (and your beautiful Ronan) have inspired me at a level that is indescribable. There is such intense pain in this world and everyone should be able to feel love like you and Ronan shared! My heart is shattered with/for you and I’m sure it is nothing compared to your pain. I’m so thankful you received the $50K from Chase and am confident you will do amazing things with it. Just know you have prayer warriors all throughout the world now surrounding you and your family each moment during your day. Ronan has reached far and wide and this story will change this world! All my love.
    Angie Dennison, RN
    (From South Dakota)

  33. I work at a Children’s Hospital and yesterday I very young boy named Ronan in the hospital. My mind couldn’t help but wander to your Ronan when I saw that name.

  34. Maya, I admire your strength, your love for Ronan transcends time ,space and worlds…I am so inspired by you, I voted for you on chase community giving,….please continue to share Ronans story with the world…. Keep fighting, we are with you!

  35. Honestly Ronan is one of the most beautiful kids I’ve seen in my whole life.He’s an angel. Everytime I listen to this amazing song I cry.You are such an amazing mom,and your little angel is definitely proud of you.

  36. Hi Maya,

    Just wanted to let you know that I, Like many I am sure, found your blog after Taylor Swift’s hearwrenching performance on Stand Up for Cancer. I was home alone. i had just put my precious little girl to sleep and had nothing on the DVR to watch. All that was on was a stupid telethon. So I watched.
    I started watching and the tears started to flow. I do not even begin to understand what you are going through but the thought of losing my little pumpkin face brought me to my knees and I cried for you and your little angel Ronan.
    I had no Idea who I was crying for at the time all I knew is that I never wanted to feel that pain. That even the thought of that pain was too much to bear. I am truly sorry that you have had to bear it.
    I could not get the song out of my mind so I Googled …. and I found your Blog (Which I just finished reading in spite of my mother and husband who asked me why I was torturing myself) and I found out who you were and I cried for you some more.
    As others have said before ….. Thank you for being corageous enough to share it all with us because in doing so you have made me a little more patient with my Sweet Pea, you have made me extremely thankful, and you have made me feel extraordinarily selfish. Thank you for all of it 🙂 I can no longer do nothing. I am a mother now. I have no excuses.
    I have made a promise to myself that on my birthday for the rest of my years I will donate what I can to your sons foundation because my birthday is also May12th and I am honored to share it with your angel Ro.

    Thank you for all your courage, profanity, tears and truth!
    Tania Thompson

  37. Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. As I’ve read recently, and learned of the new baby, I thought of another family–the Sullengers–who had a little girl who died, and a little while later got pregnant and had a boy. In fact, this week she wrote a post about how the new baby (now toddler) has helped with her grief. It made me think of you and I wanted to share it: I know your stories aren’t totally similar, but it made me think of you…

  38. This song is what led me to your blog.mi had semi heard about the song, then one night on my way home from work they played it, and I cried the whole way home. I can’t even listen to it now without crying, I’ve been trying to read your blog but that makes me cry because I have 2 babies and I could NEVER imagine what you are going through. Let alone how you manage day by day. You are a truly strong woman and In reality there really isn’t much more to say.

  39. I love Taylor Swift, too! What an incredibly beautiful person she is and what a voice!!

  40. Wow, I just recently started reading your blog after hearing a bit about your Ronan. I can’t imagine how life must be for you now. I can only read your blog a little bit at a time because it makes me cry so much. I have a little boy who’s 1 1/2 and I worry all the time about him (he has asthma and some serious allergies) I can’t even imagine living in a world without him, I think you are brave and amazing, with everything you have done, and how honest you are. I just ordered some fuck you cancer bracelets and I can wait to show them off and tell people to read Ronan’s story.

  41. I heard of your baby’s story just recently and went back to read your journey. I have fallen in love with Ronen, as I am sure you of all people understand. Those eyes! I think you are an amazing mommy with amazing strength. I have a soon to be 14 year old son who I too love to the moon and back. Fuck you cancer and fuck you for robbing this mother of her life with Ronen. Beas strong as you can be

  42. Hi Maya. My name is Sydney and I’m thirteen years old. I heard about your blog from Taylor Swift, who happens to be my idol and role model. But now I have two more role models: you and Ronan. I know I’m not a mother, and I don’t know how it feels to lose a child, but I’m deeply sorry for your loss. I went and read all of your blog entries, and Ronan seems like he was such an amazing boy. His eyes captivate you instantly: and the things he said are absolutely precious. I admire you two for your amazing strength and dedication through that entire journey. I listened to Taylor’s song … over and over again, and Ronan reminds me of my little cousin. The blue eyes and the hair … oh wow. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am and how much your story has touched my heart. I will NEVER forget Ronan. Thank you for sharing your strengthening story with the world. Ro’s perfect little soul will live on with us forever. Love always, Sydney

  43. Dear Maya,
    I’ve been trying to spread the word about your story and childhood cancer all in all over here in Switzerland. I figured to have my friends download the song was a good way to do it plus it’s an easy way to donate for the cause. Anyways, as I was myself trying to download the song on iTunes i realized it was only available in the US. I think it’s a bummer its the only Swift song we can’t get on the swiss iTunes since its the one that matters the most. I know you can’t do anything about it, but I thought I would send my love and support from across the ocean anyways. You’ve been heard in that tiny tiny country of mine because you’ve came a long and brave way.
    Goodnight Maya and goodnight little Ronan. I love you two.

  44. hi maya, im 13 years oldi just reliazed your story and im so sorry. i have a brother the age ronan died. he’s four and if i lost him my heart would break to pieces. i pray for you and your family. Dont forget God is wonderful. Have you ever thought why God let Ronan go to heaven? God is wonderful. He gave you ronan for 4 years for a reason. Ronan was an angel God bless him. never ever forget if you belive god and have faith and be will until the end of the Earth God’s angel will hand you your rockstar Ronan. God gave youa wonderful heart to start afoundation to save kids like ronan. God bless you for doing it for him. God wil comfort you and your family. Dont forget ronan will be in your heart Forever and Always. One day you will see Ronan and that will be wonderful. God bless you a lot . Dont forget God is wonderful. please email me im waiting for your response whatever you need dont heisatate thanks.

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