I love you more than Liam loves Bacon.




Ronan. As you know, your post got hijacked last night due to some man and his ignorant comments about childhood cancer. The only person here that I am apologizing to, is you Ronan. I’m so sorry that I didn’t get to properly tuck you in last night due to having to call some guy a fuckwad. Somebody has to get their hands dirty in this game of childhood cancer, Ro. I guess I’m that person now because I am here to say what is the truth. People need to stop being ignorant when it comes to things like childhood cancer. The world of people who are now aware, are getting really sick and tired of it. I am not going to be silenced because I am worried that I am going to offend someone. I am not here to make friends. I’m here to make FAMILY. A whole, new big family that is going to take this world by storm and stand up for the things they believe in, such as you and childhood cancer. People need to stop looking at childhood cancer like it is the plague. People need to start looking beyond the scary world of childhood cancer and see all the beauty that can come out of it. And yes, I get to say this even after you died. Even after childhood cancer ripped you from my arms, I can still see the beauty in all of this while calling some douchebag a fuckwad. This man has since written a public apology. Actually, I’m not sure he even really wrote it, but that is what he is claiming. Whomever wrote it did a really shitty job. It lacked any ounce of feeling or real emotion. This apology means nothing to me. It’s going to take more than a few words, to even start to undo the damage this man has done and all the people he has pissed off. A lot of people are asking for him to resign. I’m not going to ask of this. I’m going to ask that something really, really good come from all of this. My wish is that because of all of this, he is now aware of how NOT rare childhood cancer really is. I am going to wish that he takes this lesson and hugs his kids tighter. Laughs with them longer. And really takes the time to pour every ounce of love that he is capable of feeling, into his kids. All because he is so incredibly grateful that he is not the parent who is driving down the road while taking their dead child’s blanket and inhaling it just so they can be reminded of how their child once smelled. My wish is that he will become the best father and human being that he can possibly be. And just for good measure, he can donate a ton of money to your foundation. Although that opportunity may have flown out the window when I decided to call him a fuckwad. So maybe he should be the one to now push for this Barbie to get made. He can turn his wrong into a right but it is going to take much more that a heartless apology letter.

So Ro…. what have I been up to? So much. Too much? Maybe, but as of now I’m in “the zone.” I have a lot of things to get done. I left the house at 7:30 this morning and I am just now getting home. It is 11:30 at night. To say it was a long day, is an understatement and I have the headache to prove it. But being the good mama that I am, I could not go to sleep tonight without tucking you in. I could sit here and catch you up on so many things that have been going on, but I am having a hard time even formulating my thoughts so I am just going to tell you this one little bedtime story. The best one of the night where no fuckwads or douchebags are involved. I had a little meeting tonight. A meeting all about you and your foundation. It lasted almost 4 hours. I sat in a room full of the most gorgeous women that ever lived. One’s that I believe in so much because of the way I have watched them believe in you. You know how I often just sit back and quietly watch things? I do this a lot. I like to observe and sit with things. I depend on you a lot to give me the green light on people, places or things. I know you know I listen to you, more than I listen to anybody. Tonight, you were so right. I was in a room that was so full of love that it could have circled the moon and back. I was talking about you to this group of women, which is still so hard for me to do because all I want to do is cry and for you to appear and for all of this to go away. But as we have established, you are not physically coming back and I am now left here to try to fix this broken mess of a world. As I was talking about you, I was in the middle of saying how I want to do amazing things for your foundation to raise money, but how I feel like this market of charity events is oversaturated with things like Balls, Galas, and other fancy things. This is GREAT for other foundations as it does generate a lot of money….. but  I don’t feel like this is the right direction for your foundation. Somebody said out loud, “Then what would be your dream event?” My reply was, “A huge rock concert.” Just as I said these words, a very large, heavy book came flying off of the shelf and landed on the floor. BAM! The timing of this book flying off of the shelf after the exact moment that I said these words, was so uncanny that I know it had to be you. I just had to be. It was your way of giving me the green light. A rock concert is what we shall shoot for, baby boy. You said so yourself. I truly believe this and I am pretty sure so does everyone else in that room tonight. You are the best little boy, Ro. Thanks for being there for me when I need you the most. Thanks for never leaving my side. I’m so lucky to be your mama.

I’ve got to end this tonight due to my raging headache. I’ll do it with tears running down my cheeks like I usually do, but tonight it’s not only because of how much I miss you. It’s also because of how LUCKY I feel to have the support and love that I do. Because of how much of an honor it was for me to be a part of these women tonight. The fact that they have opened their hearts to us will forever leave me humbled and grateful in a way that I never knew was possible. I am in awe of each one of them and I am so inspired by them; for so many different reasons. Tonight my very big, very broken heart feels a little big lighter. Thanks, Ro baby. None of this would be happening if it weren’t for you. I love you.

G’nite baby doll. Sweet dreams. I hope you are safe.


10 responses to “I love you more than Liam loves Bacon.”

  1. Considering you have an awesome Rockstar in your corner (Bret Michaels) I think a concert is an AWESOME idea. It’s so true to you and true to Ro…perfect ❤

  2. Beautiful & Rock on.

    PS Thank you for the reminder to love and look for and want light for ALL people, even the fuckwads.

  3. I am so glad that you are not silent. You and Ronan are making a huge difference in the world.

    A concert is a brilliant idea. Maybe it can go on tour?

    Fuck you cancer!!

  4. I am so glad that you are not silent. You and Ronan are making a big difference in the world.

    A concert is a brilliant idea. Maybe it could even go on tour?

    Fuck you cancer!!

  5. Yeah!! Go Maya!!! …I think I have mentioned this before….I am a concert producer/promoter….I put on a music festival every year….I know all about securing a venue, the permits needed, how to get vendors, make flyers, sell tickets…the whole deal!! …and as a member of your mafia….my knowledge is all yours!! I will help in any form I can…I can make phone calls, lists of things needed, potential roadblocks, contact musicians….frontline, baby!!! let me know…..one

  6. Rockstar Mama!!! Rockstar Ro!!! You are both doing big things and changing this world.

    Can’t wait to hear about it and possibly attend this Rock concert!!

    Peace and strength mama

  7. I hope your headache is gone today. May you always be surrounded by loving, caring, kind women who love you and support you. Rock on Maya! XOXO

  8. Hi maya. No need to post this on your site but I’ve been following you since last April I have3 little kids and a best friend who’s little girl has stage iii neuroblastoma – I feel for you so much. Stay strong and most of all i hope you turn all this time and energy into
    Something great. I am so sad for you some
    Days. You seem so angry and I worry that you are consumed. You have been dealt something most people
    Will never experience. I know
    You can’t compare but there is always something to teach others about and thats your grace. Just looking at you in Your photos it’s innate. Ronan was an amazingly beautiful little boy and it makes me cringe seeing such harsh staments next to such a beautiful face.

    While I know you will never be whole, I pray for yOur peace. For your boys. And for your hubs. Keep your strength and make something as positive & amaZing as he was.

    Praying for you always.

  9. Maya! Ro-mazing idea! Of course, a rock concert is a natural choice for you and your Ro 🙂 Is it a coincidence that ROnan and ROck star both start with RO? I think not. And that book falling off the shelf HAD to be Ronan agreeing with the idea! Also, I would like to back-up Stefanie’s idea from a few posts ago- Flash mob!!! With light sabers and Bret Michaels and a big F U CANCER at the end of it…. I don’t know why, but I feel like that is SO you. You would be awesome at flash mobbing and getting the word out. The light sabers would definitely grab some attention. Just another one of the many ideas to consider 🙂 Keep it up, you are awesome. We all love you tons! Oh, and love the “not here to make friends, here to make FAMILY” thing! Well, you have done that. A Maya Mafia Family to kick some serious ass in the sick, sad world of childhood cancer. Love to you, Ro and the fam.


  10. Oh beautiful Maya, Maya, Maya, I feel like I know you following your journey and am moved to inspiration and pain all in one post yet again. I can never begin to say “I’m so sorry” enough for the loss of your precious little boy. Yet, I am so moved that you can say you’ve found beauty in everything since his death. I’ve fought so hard to find beauty in the deaths of so many loved ones of late, and today, I couldn’t help but think of you when I stood in a room of ROCKSTAR MAMAS like you…11 women whose children all have cancer, and are enjoying a short retreat in Sedona this weekend, away from the hospital bills and medical treatments. They get to have a full on camp experience, and for many, it’s their last memory with their child. My sister Allie also tired of the Galas and Balls for charity so she took charity face to face today…for women like you, giving the Moms of these kids a day of pampering and makeovers. It was small in comparison to the battle your fighting to end childhood cancer, but nonetheless, it made a mini-impact on these women who are dealing with so much.

    It was the most amazing day of my life…being on the other side of death, on the side of life for once. I’ve been to so many funerals the last three years, watched cancer eat so many loved ones alive slowly. For once, I got to make a difference in someone’s life before a child dies. Anyway, I hope you don’t mind, but I named these Mamas ROCKSTAR MAMAS because they stand in the same company with you, I believe. And like you, I want to spread awareness for what these Mamas are facing – I am willing to share the “unpopular”, “downer” topics because they NEED to be faced just like you were saying in your other post about that horrible hijacker dude. I watched a whole community come together today to support these families – it makes me believe more can be done. Please let me know how else I can support you and your foundation.

    Thank you for sharing your story, bravely and fiercely. It’s not fair, but goddamn Maya, you are making some sheer fucking beauty out of ugly.

    Read the very end of this post – that’s the part for you. 😉
    For you: http://meganaronson.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/today-made-my-top-5-rockstar-mamas-cancer-bliss/

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