All Good Things Are Wild and Free
My name is Bonnie WIlson and my friend first found you on flickr. She told me about your website and your beautiful boy Ronan. I fill your pain right now because i also lost my son Ronan just over 14 months ago. I read and looked at all your pictures of your son and my heart hurt all over again for you. I feel your pain, anger, loss, and all the other words that come with losing the most important person in your life. I wish i could say after a year it gets easier but you just learn to live with the loss. You will have your good days and your bad. I always say tomorrow is a new day and try to remember the good things in life. You are a different person and will forever be changed but trust me, you will be stronger than you think you can be. I always say BREATHE! I see that you run. I Bike ride and it helps me get my mind clear.
My story is that I have two boys, Gavin is 8 and Ronan would have been 5. Both were premature. Gavin was born 5 weeks early and was 3lbs 6 oz. Ronan was 11 weeks early and was 1 lb 15 oz.. He was in the NICU for 84 days and came home on oxyden and heart medicine for rapid heart rate problem. It was a rough couple of years with many doctors appointments and specialist. I thought that was one of the hardest times in my life, little did i know what we were going to face in the near future.
Ronan was a fighter from the beginning and was full of life. By the time he reach 3 years of age he was healthy and strong. He loved playing rough with his brother and looked up to Gavin. We did alot as a family and created beautiful precious memories that i am thankful for.
Things took a turn when there was a sickness at the daycare that both Gavin and Ronan attended. I can’t go into detail about this due to litagation. Ronan contacted E-coli and was misdiagnosed with the flu and sent home. 3 days later we took him in again and they rushed him to Doiernbeichers childrens hospital. This was April 1st. We thought going in that he was sick but that he was in one of the best childrens hospitals in the nation. They did everything for our Ro Ro but it was to late. Eight long days and nights of fighting for his life and he could fight no more. Our precious Ronan died April 8th at 9:45 at night in my arms. I listen to his heart until i beat no more. I was sure i would feel his soul leave his body but i think it had left two days prior. I held him tight and didn’t want to let go. This i believe was and is the hardest thing anybody can go through. A mothers love is the greatest of loves. I was crushed. He fought so hard coming in to this life and fought so hard leaving this life. He was four and a half and had so much life to live! Can i say angry, broken, lost ect…..
I knew when Ronan wasn’t go to make it that i had to choose right then and there that if i didn’t promise myself to continue to fight to live, this would break me and kill me. This has killed the old me but it is a choice everyday on how to live my new life with the new me. It is the hardest thing to do but i struggle to keep that promise to myself to make life count and not take things for granted. Somedays i fail. There is always tomorrow.
Going through your photos of your Ronan brought tears to my eyes because our sons had very similar commonalities. We called him Ro and he loved storm troopers and mokeys. I know this might be wierd to say but i believe your Ronan and my Ronan are together looking down at us and are happy. Its us left behind that have to deal with missing them so horribily.
We are doing a Cancer walk July 16th in memory of my sister-in-law who died of stomach cancer 7 months after Ronan. I will be Thinking of you beautiful boy Ronan and will light a candle for him. I wish you peace of mind and comfort and knowing you are not alone.
I would like to invite you to see my Ronans pictures on his facebook. Ronan Wilson Medical Fund.