My Grandpa Jack passed away Tuesday night, and I don’t even have the tears to cry about it. He was my favorite grandpa, and I always looked forward to seeing him whenever we went back to Washington. I would take the boys every summer to his house, and we would sit and talk to him. When we were there last August, I took Liam and Quinn to visit him in his new nursing home, and he didn’t even know who I was. That made me very sad, but now that he is gone, I just feel numb. I am in so much pain from what Ronan is going through that anything else that comes my way doesn’t hurt at all. I know if it were not for what I am going through right now, I would be crying nonstop and on the first flight to sit with my Dad, Aunt Sheri, and the rest of the family at his funeral. I don’t have it in me to be there with them or to leave Ronan. So to all of my family reading this, please know that I wish I could be there, and I love each and every one of you. RIP Grandpa Jack. I’m so happy you get to be with Grandma Bonnie now.
So, last night I saw via Facebook that my little cousin Shannon had a modeling gig going on pretty close to my house. She models for a lot of different things, but the event last night was for a company called “Bella Legs.” You can check out the website here: http://www.bellalegs.com. My cousin Shannon has the best legs in the world and is a perfect model for this company. I really wanted to get out and support her, so I called up a couple of girlfriends and asked very last minute if they wanted to go out with me. My two friends, Lindsey and Jocelyn, dropped everything to take me out. You have no idea how much that meant to me.
We got to the event, and I got to spend some much-needed time with Shannon and her dad, Roy, who I am very close to. It felt so good. Throw in a few Coors Lights, girlfriends, and family… best night in a very long time. I got to have a nice long talk with Roy, which is always so good for me. He loves me so much and vice versa. We talked about my grandpa, my dad, and about Ronan. He knows Ronan is going to be okay and kept reassuring me of it. I know this too, but it is always nice to be reassured. I ended up meeting the owner of Bella Legs, and she couldn’t have been sweeter. I asked her if she ever did charity events, and she said absolutely. Cancer has unfortunately been a part of her life. I gave her my info, and she said she would love to put together something for Ronan. I am so excited for this plan to come into action. Two of my favorite things—fashion and Ronan 🙂 After Roy and Shannon left, I got in my girl time with Joss and Linds. Those two make my heart sing, and being with them is always a blast. I so needed a night out to relax a little and have some heart-to-hearts with my friends. It was a night full of fun and beauty.
Ronan is back to being his normal, happy, hyper self. He has been running around all day, and I couldn’t even get him to nap today. I went to Liam and Quinn’s school for their Thanksgiving Day feast. I was so happy to be able to go. It was a little overwhelming. I still don’t do well in big social situations. I found myself taking a lot of deep breaths and trying to focus on my sweet little guys. They were so happy to have me at their school. I don’t get to spend much time there.
Tomorrow we go into PCH for a check of Ronan’s kidneys, which is just a precaution. Then we will have his blood levels and ANC counts checked. I can tell his immune system is spiking up just by the way he looks and is acting. We have to make sure they are high enough to start chemo on Monday, though. Here we go again. Trying to mentally prepare for next week in the hospital. I can do this. If I survived last week, I can survive the week ahead.
Gosh! This post has taken me forever to write. I started it on Wednesday and kept getting sidetracked. Just a combo of being busy and tired. Today we went to PCH to get Ronan’s labs done. We also had to go over to Nuclear Medicine to have a five-hour GFR test done. It is basically a test that measures Ronan’s kidney function. It is standard protocol when going through chemo. It was a long day, though. Ronan’s platelets were very low, so we got a transfusion while we were there. If they don’t come up by Monday, we will have to postpone our chemo week. I think he will end up being okay. We go to the clinic Monday at 9 a.m. to have his levels checked, and if all is well, we will check right into the hospital for our week of chemo. Ronan and I left the house at 7:30 this morning and did not get home until 4. He has been running around all evening, playing with his brothers. Home is his favorite place in the world. I am so happy we get to spend the weekend here.
Happy Friday night to you all. I hope you have a beautiful weekend. xoxo
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