I think I have officially cracked. I’m sure I’ll have lots of times where this is the case but I think it happened yesterday. That’s where my family, friends, and husband come into play and put me back together. Especially my husband. He is my rock, my pillar of strength, my everything. I tend to overdo things in my life… this has pretty much always been a theme of mine. I’ve been overdoing everything, except the most important thing which is connecting and being present with my family. I have been keeping so busy… so overly busy… I guess so I didn’t have time to sit and truly think about what is going on. I mean, I know what is going on… but it is easy not to think about it when you have too much on your plate. This has been my coping mechanism. So the last few days, I’ve taken some time away from researching, blogging, emailing, etc…. it felt nice. Woody and I have had some good talks. Somewhere in the middle of all the chaos I forgot about my best friend; him. And I know why. It’s easier for me to not look at him in the eyes and to not see his pain. It’s easier to be too busy, because it’s hard for me to see him hurting and I don’t want him to see how scared and sad I am. But he knows…. I married one of the smartest men out there… it’s one of the reasons I love him so much. He sat me down and told me that I need to put my faith back into him and trust that he has already done all the research, talking with doctors, etc…. He did this weeks ago. I guess I just got lost in the shuffle of all of this… by obsessing. It has been my way of dealing with things. It’s not the right way and it’s not the healthy way. I see that now. I’ve got to trust the people around me more, trust the doctors, trust in all the prayers and good energy. It’s hard for me… but the person I trust most in my life is my husband. 110 percent. He is the most amazing man in the world and I know with him by my side we will get through this. Some people search their whole lives for what Woody and I have and never find it. Even though all of this, I still think I’m the luckiest girl alive. I’m going to focus more on being in the present… I can’t think and obsess about the future. I am here, Ronan is happy, and that is all that matters. We have to make the most of our good days with him because as of now, these are the good days. He is home with us and everyday I have to remember that the days we are together as a family are the best days of my life; no matter what our circumstances are. Ronan, Quinn, and Liam need to have things as normal as possible and that is going to be one of the main things I focus on. I have to bring back the balance and harmony in our lives.
After hounding Phoenix Children’s Hospital for 24 hours, we received Ronan’s CT and Bone scans back. I am just going to touch on this and say that it looks like the chemo is doing what it is supposed to be doing. It appears to be working but we will know much more next week after our second set of scans. This is very good news for Ronan and for our family. Please continue to pray for our little fighter… he has such a long road ahead of him.