A Lego kind of weekend

What’s different now? Everything. Nothing is the same and it’s like living in a foreign country, stumbling around in the dark, or starting completely over with your life. We are all adjusting to this new life. It’s not fun and I try to just take it day by day, but it’s hard not to worry or think about what the future holds. All I know is my future cannot exist without Ronan. I know I am a strong woman, but I could not survive that. We had such a perfect plan for our life and I’ve worked so hard to get myself to where I am today. So hard. I did everything right. I worked my butt off in college, fell madly in love with the most amazing man put on this planet, watched him chase his career dreams and supported him, had 3 beautiful kids together. We had a plan. A really good plan. Now our plan is out the window. Now our days are filled with the unknown and that is scary. One of the reasons I loved my life so much was that is was safe and secure. That’s gone too. So now we just sit back, watch, and pray for good days and for a miracle to happen because that is all we can do. Life has thrown us the biggest curve ball possible and we have no control over it. I think that is one of the hardest parts for Woody. He has always been so in control of his life and the decisions in it and now he has none. He has a hard time with that. While the boys’ and I were in Washington for the summer, my mom, Ronan and I were at dinner and I remember telling my mom how lucky I was to be married to Woody. How after being with someone for 11 years the fact that he still takes the time to text message me 5 times a day just to tell me little things like he how much he loves me, how great of a wife I am, how lucky he is to be married to me….. still blew me away. We sat and had a conversation about how in this day in age, a love like ours in rare and hard to find. I will never doubt that he will always feel that way about me, but now the sweet text messages have stopped because all that matters is saving our son and we are consumed by it. I miss little things like that; the way that we had nothing to worry about and life was so simple, easy, and fun. I just want to be able to take Ronan to the grocery store with me. I would give anything to have him running up and down the aisles or fighting with me about sitting in the cart. It’s funny going to the store now and watch the moms with their little one’s. They are usually screaming at them to sit down or trying to get out of there as fast as possible. I used to be that mom. I miss being that mom.

Today, I got out of the house for a few hours. Woody’s cousin’s wife, Kristen, and my friend:) came a got me out of the house for a bit. We went over to ZinBurger for a bite to eat and a beer. Yeah, I totally had a beer in the middle of the day. So weird and out of character for me since I never even drink, but it felt good. We sat and enjoyed our food, beer, some football on T.V. and talked. Real talk too. It’s nice with Kristen because I never have to sugar coat anything(not that I would anyway) and she is the same way with me. She tells it like it is and I’ve always respected that about her. We then went and saw a great, lighthearted movie, “Easy A.”  It was exactly what I needed today. Funny, cute, and a bit raunchy.

I’ve been reading up on nutrition and trying to help the side effects of chemo. There is a lot to learn but I am frustrated with the lack of information on kids and cancer and chemo on the internet. I’ve been looking for books but am having a hard time finding much. I’m starting to get overwhelmed, but I am determined to make sure that Ronan is eating as healthy as possible. We eat healthy anyway… but I’ve got to up his calories and I am being crazy about his organic food. Most of the stuff we eat is organic, but I am also trying to cut out any crap and restrict his sugar intake as much as possible.

This weekend has mostly been spent building Lego’s with our little man. He loves to help build them and I know it was one of Woody’s favorite things to do as a kid. Woody and Ronan are building some Star Wars ship now and Woody just yelled over to me, “How’s your life, mom?” My reply was, “Perfect.”

4 thoughts on “A Lego kind of weekend”

  1. Having a life that feels perfect with everything going according to the plan you all laid out is normal. No matter what you all are going through, some important parts of your life remain constant:
    Woody, you, Liam, Quinn and Ronan and the great love you all share. Your values and morals remain deeply rooted in your hearts. No one will ever be able to take those away. AS I read your blog each day, I give thanks for the wonderful blessings you all have in your lives, even while you all fight this cancer together! God Bless you all.

  2. Maya,
    I just want to say thanks again for your blogs. You are going threw so much that I can’t imagine. I thought I had it tough cause My little girl has a hole in her heart and needs surgery next year. I am hoping not. I have lots of people praying for her and those same people are praying for your little guy. You help all us moms with your strength. I try and forget about it until Dr apts.
    Yesterday I was in the store with her and she was having a mass temper tantrum and your blogs came to me as I was trying to be oh so calm. About how you miss that and how you took it for granted. It calmed me down. I am so grateful to be a mom. I Love your quote once said “every morning is like waking up for Christmas“. That is so true thank you for reminding me of that.. You are a wonderful inspiration to me and I thank you for these daily blogs.
    When Jayden was newly starting to eat I started to feed her real healthy foods . I got a book from a friend it is called Super Baby Foods by Ruth Yaron. The front says feeding your baby and toddler. It has 350 quick easy delicious and nutritious recipes. It tells you how to make your own yogurt, fruit snacks, . And so many more fun delicious foods It is all nutritious and full of foods that have lots of vitamins. Hope that helps..
    Your doing great!

  3. Sweet Maya,
    I have not walked in your shoes, and would never insinuate that anything that I have experienced compares, but I wanted to share a few thoughts.

    Being a mom opens you up to the deepest love, the greatest joy, and sometimes, the darkest despair. The hopes and fears regarding every aspect of our children’s lives are a constant part of our being. We don’t want our children to hurt; we would gladly take on all of their pain.

    You and Woody are doing everything imaginable to insure Ronan’s wellness. Everything that is in your control has been mangaged to perfection. Ronan has the best doctors, the love of his family and friends, the prayers of the masses, and is a cherished child of God.

    Ronan is a very special little guy who will beat this awful disease. He will be well; he will survive; he will do great things with his life.

    Not being in control is one of the hardest things to endure, especially when someone you love is suffering and you can’t make it go away. Keep putting one foot in front of the other; keep being open about your feelings; let us know when you need help; dig deep into your heart and soul with faith; and continue to be strong. You are a mom, and moms have an inner strength that is Herculean!

    At the beginning of every day and just before I fall asleep, I spend time praying. I always begin with the following: “Dear Lord, please keep my children healthy, happy and safe.” Those three basic things are what really matter. As you know all too well, the rest of the things in life are “fluff”.

    I believe that every day is a day toward sustained wellness for Ronan. I know that he is safe, and his belly laughs and big smiles tell me that he is still a happy guy.

    “Dear Lord, please restore Ronan’s health, please keep him happy, and let him know that he is safe in Your loving arms.”

    Good night, dear Maya. I love you!

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