I’ve pretty much been homebound all week. Around 4:30, I started feeling like I needed to get out for a bit. I called up Trish and, no questions asked, she was off to the rescue. Trish and Marisa picked me up for dinner at 6, and we headed to Chelsea’s Kitchen.
We sat out on the patio and enjoyed the beautiful weather and the friendship that surrounds us—a friendship so deep and so solid that it’s really only with them that I am able to let my guard down. We sat for two hours as I divulged my deepest and darkest fears and thoughts. The ones that are going on in my head most of the day but that I refuse to share or even acknowledge.
I let it all out and knew that in my weakest moments, I was not being judged—only loved. I was being real and feeling the things I’ve been trying not to feel. It is in front of these two that I am safe and protected. They are my soul sisters. They accept and love me no matter what. Do you know how rare that is? A friendship like that? It is on a whole other level, and I am so, so lucky to have them.
We laughed and cried, and I think I scared our server away once or twice 🙂 But I didn’t care. I’m learning that when a breakdown happens, it happens, and you just have to go with it.
Ronan is sleeping with me in my bed, and Woody is in Quinn’s—and that sucks. I don’t know if we will ever come up with a better solution while we are going through this. I have a hard time sleeping without my kids when they have a cold. How do you not sleep with your child who has cancer? I wouldn’t be able to. At least with him beside me, I’m able to get some rest at night. If he were alone in his room, I would be up all night checking on him.
Either way, I lose… because the time that Woody and I had together at night is now gone. I don’t see us getting it back anytime soon. I just pray that we are strong enough to survive this storm. I miss Woody every second of the day.
P.S. After talking with Woody, we both agreed we should not take Ronan to the ASU game on Saturday. It’s just too risky. I’m going to have to find out where I can buy a Sparky costume of my own so I can wear it around the house for him 🙂
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