A hard day ended with a beautiful night

I’ve pretty much been homebound all week. Around 4:30 I was feeling like I needed to get out for a bit. I called up Trish and no questions asked, she was off to the rescue. Trish and Marisa picked me up for dinner at 6 and we headed to Chelsea’s Kitchen. We sat out on the patio and enjoyed the beautiful weather and the friendship that surrounds us. A friendship so deep and so solid that it is really only with them, that I am able to let my guard down. We sat for 2 hours as I divulged my deepest and darkest fears and thoughts. The ones that I have going on in my head most of the day but I refuse to share or acknowledge. I let it out and knew that in my weakest moment, I was not being judged, only loved. I was being real and feeling the things I have been trying not to feel. It is in front of these two that I am safe and protected. They are my soul sisters. They accept and love me no matter what. Do you know how rare that is? A friendship like that? It is on a whole other level and I am so, so, lucky to have them. We laughed, and cried and I think I scared our server away once or twice:) But I didn’t care. I’m learning when a breakdown happens, it happens and you just have to go with it.

Ronan is sleeping with me in my bed and Woody is in Quinn’s and that sucks. I don’t know if we will ever come up with a better solution while we are going through this. I have a hard time sleeping without my kids when they have a cold. How do you not sleep with your child who has cancer? I wouldn’t be able to. At least with him beside me I am able to get some rest at night. If he were alone in his room I would be up all night checking on him. Either way I lose… because the time that Woody and I had together at night is now gone. I don’t see us getting it back anytime soon. I just pray that we are strong enough to survive this storm. I miss Woody every second of the day.

P.S. After talking with Woody we both agreed we should not take Ronan to the ASU game on Saturday. It’s just too risky. I’m going to have to find out where I can buy a Sparky costume of my own so I can wear it around the house for him:)

rockstarronan

September 9, 2010

Childhood Cancer, Mama’s Thoughts, Neuroblastoma, Ronan’s Progress

AZ, Cancer, Childhood Disease, Family, Neuroblastoma, Parenting, Phoenix

5 responses to “A hard day ended with a beautiful night”

Chris

September 9, 2010 at 9:50 pm

You’ve got to figure out how to be with your husband. Y’all need some together time too. I’ll be praying for you to find that time. Ronan may get mad at y’all, but you have to protect your marriage. It’s for your children’s sake as well as your own. Just an hour at a coffee shop holding hands may be all you can manage. You may need to make a date soon. You’ll figure it out.

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Jeff

September 9, 2010 at 10:15 pm

You find the Sparky costume and I will wear it……let me know!

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Amber

September 9, 2010 at 11:13 pm

I can not imagine what you and your family are going through Maya. Just want you to know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers! Your friend Chris is right. Maybe you can move Ronan’s bed into your room? Or buy a baby monitor/camara? That way you can share your bed with your husband and still have your little angel in your sights! Take care Maya!

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Candyce Lindsay

September 9, 2010 at 11:43 pm

Maya, I bet you have gotten some good ideas from your buddies on how to make the sleeping arrangement work for all. Sounds like for now you have a solution. But you might need to break up the status quo when Ronan is sleeping through the night fairly well making use of the times Ronan is able to not be disturbed by you not being there. I trust that you and Woody will figure this out as the great parents and spouses you are to each other.

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Willits Family

September 10, 2010 at 12:04 am

Maya

I truly feel your pain. I get the no sleep and time with your husband. It all is far and few between, but what little you can sneak in do and absorb every minute. We are going on our first trip away from the boys since Chet was diagnosed 2 years ago with his diabetes. We have traveled but always with boys so we can monitor Chet. I don’t even leave him at soccer practice alone. We have a good friend whose son also has diabetes and she is taking care of our son this month while I take care of her son next month. It is definitely good to keep in contact with others who are or have gone threw this awful roller coaster ride. It will help you ask and answer these questions you have about Ronan and about how to cope in life. I ran to the mall quickly today and felt your pain. It was so loud, food smelled and not many polite people. I got a stomach ache and left thinking of you all and your trip out in public. It is going to be 2 steps forward and 2 steps back for awhile. Soon you will get your groove back. I mean 5 am boot camp that is a great start. I am impressed…….

You have to let out your emotions whenever and wherever you can. Keep up your strength you are being the Best Mom and Best Wife. I look forward to seeing you all next week. Hope Quinn is on the mend. Miss you all.

XOXO
Gay and Boys

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