An inferno church twice in one day and still not eating Chick-fil-a!

Ronan. Geez. My little blog post seemed to cause quite an uproar. Am I surprised? Not really. I know that not everyone is going to choose my cause, which is childhood cancer, as their cause. But you know what? I can guarantee you, the people that do not care about this cause, have never been on the floor of a children’s oncology unit. If they have been, I can guarantee you this is something that they would support. If you don’t support childhood cancer, then please stop reading my blog. Why did the chick-fil-a thing piss me off so much? It has nothing to do with the Christian part of this. You all missed my point on that one. Chick-fil-a could have been run by a bunch of Atheists and I would have still been just as pissed. It has to do with the amount of money that was spent could have done some actual good in the world. How about all the starving kids in Africa? How about how they have no clean water over there, to drink? How about helping out with something like putting in wells for them, because clean water should be a right for EVERYONE. How about all the orphans in china who are born with medical needs? I know there are more problems in the world, other than childhood cancer. All I was saying, was I wish people would stop being so ignorant and donate to causes that actually matter. And no, Ryan from Chucktown, Wa. I will not be back to Chick-fil-a when as you put it, “one of my kids starts crying about wanting it.” Fuck off. My kids have a dead brother to cry about, tears will not be shed over some fucking chicken. Unfortunately, they know what the real problems of the world feel like.

Ronan. So yesterday was a day spent with your brothers. Quinn was still not feeling 100% so we stayed home much of the afternoon. I called to get him a follow-up with the Neurologist just to play it safe. I took your brothers swimming for most of the day. Those two are so intertwined now it’s if they are the same person. This is good and bad. Summer is hard because it is the town of them, constantly together which means a lot of arguing, fighting, but love as well. I was swimming with them yesterday and they would not get off of each other. They were kind of play fighting but kind of real fighting, too. I was doing my best to let them do their thing, without letting things go to far. At one point I just looked at them and said, “Geez. Where is Ronan when we need him. You guys’ really needed him to keep you from doing this, 24 hours a day.” It is so true. You broke up our family dynamic so much that you made everything perfect, special and just the way it should have always been. You were the in between fun that your brothers so needed and so still need. They were always so happy to be entertaining you, that it seems like a lot less fighting between the two of them, occurred. This always makes me sad to sit back and watch or think about. I know the everyday normal of our days, would have been so different with you here. I imagine them a lot. How your little life, changed our family so much, for the better and not having you here now makes everything feel and seem so wrong. Even a simple day at the pool.

After a day with your brothers, your daddy got home and I told him that I really needed to get out of the house and go hiking. He was fine with that so off I went. I hiked up Camelback as fast as I could. I found myself trying to fight off the heat and wanting to stop. I heard myself in my head saying, “You don’t get to stop, Ronan is at the top.” Over and over again. I didn’t stop. It did not matter that it was over 100 degrees outside. I passed people left and right, pushing myself further and further into my inferno of Hell. I sat at the top for a long time. I stayed at my church, for over an hour. I decorated a tree with your bracelets. I watched the sun start to finally dip down below the mountains surrounding me. I watched them and felt myself filled with a peacefulness that I seem to find in that little church of mine. It was a good hour of just sitting and being with the world that I don’t do enough of. I got up and headed down. I got a text from Rita saying she needed to exercise and was thinking about going night hiking. Holla!!! Count me in! I told her I had just come off of Camelback, but I would climb another mountain with her. She said, “Haven’t you already hiked today? I can’t let you do that.” I told her nonsense and to hurry her ass up. I met her at my other favorite mountain for some badass, totally dangerous night hiking. Well, it might have been had we not both had headlamps on. I think that kind of took the danger out of it. It was super peaceful and serene. I was proud of myself for going to my church twice in one day! I think I really needed it yesterday.

It’s early morning now. I have much to do in the name of cancer fighting business. But first and foremost, I can hear your brothers starting to stir, so breakfast must be made. I miss you. I love you. I hope you are safe.


18 thoughts on “An inferno church twice in one day and still not eating Chick-fil-a!”

  1. I love the sass. You ARE bad ass Maya. I am so with you on the chick-fil-a thing. 5 mill can go a long way in not only fighting childhood cancer or hungry kids in foreign countries but under priviledged kids in the US that get overlooked! Seriously the antigay christian wack jobs can suck it. Keep that fire!

  2. Really??? Some dushbag dared to comment on the Chick -a-fuck-fe thing? Cause I know where my kids are never eating again. I cannot tell you how sad I am for you and your family, but also how proud I am of you for weeding out the assholes and moving forward with the cause.
    Much love,

  3. I for one will not eat there again. You are absolutely right, if you’re going to donate to a cause, make it something worthwhile. I know that not everyone will donate to your cause, but at least donate to something good and meaningful. I believe in your cause so much, I tell everyone about it all the time. I do not have to have a child with Cancer to realize how important your cause is and how much we need this funding. I have two children and my world could be turned up side down at any moment. I will fight for your cause because it’s for children who do not deserve this to happen to them. I watch my father in law go through chemo treatments and it’s awful. To see a child go through that is horrific. They need a voice and they need help. Maya, I stand beside you and your fight. Keep fighting keep moving. You are making a difference. Much love you to you and your family. Love to Ronan.

  4. Thanks for always fighting the good fight Maya! I can’t believe that people spend their time and energy on reading blogs with views they don’t support.

  5. It honestly blows my mind that your post causes anything but an uproar against cfa. the end of the article was complete bullshit if you ask me.if they are not anti anything they better get there heads out of their assholes and figure out what their money us supporting. i am pretty confident they are well aware.

    As for you sweetness, sending you love and prayers that hope continues to trickle into your beautiful Ronan filled soul. And yes after yes after yes.

  6. Wow, Maya, I totally got what you meant about Chick-fil-A… What a lame and non-productive way to spend that money, in comparison to the powerful impact it COULD have had on much more pressing concerns. I’m really surprised that some people missed that point.

    I love/hate this line: “My kids have a dead brother to cry about, not some fucking chicken.” Love that you put things in perspective so concisely, hate that it’s true. Keep fighting, Maya.

    1. Totally agree with you Sara!

      You summed up the love/hate for that line very well. I feel the same way. Love that she put it into perspective, hate that it’s true.

  7. I’m so happy you found your church, a place to go where you can feel calm and peace. Sometimes I’m sure your church is place where you can go to feel sad and angry too and that’s okay. You are an honest and powerful women, you deserve the best church possible :). As always, I’m so sorry Ronan died, thank you for sharing your story – being apart of your world for the past year and a half has been an unforgettable experience. Sending you thoughts of love and calm from WA. (and yeah fuck chick-fil-a-holes!)

  8. Go Maya. I do not stand for intolerance—we are officially NEVER going to Chick-fil-A again. Complete waste of money on promoting hatred. REAL CHRISTIANS ARE TOLERANT. How do these people overlook that portion of the Bible. F U CANCER!

    1. Yes Julie, I totally agree with you. Real Christians don’t judge.

      I know it’s been said before, but I love this: “Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you do.” Could not be more fitting. Have these people who call themselves Christians ever read the Bible?? Did they forget than unless you are Jesus, YOU are a sinner too?? I personally would rather be around people who “sin” in a harmless way of being with someone who makes them happy that happens to be the same sex, than be surrounded with people who, for example, cheat on their wives. In my opinion, that is something that is way worse and worthy of being upset about, but still not even worthy of donating $5 million to.

      Love and hugs to you, Maya. Glad you went out and survived the inferno twice 🙂 You are doing amazing things.

  9. I am a Christian, my little brother is gay and is also a Christian. Easy, no, to say the least! I agree with the above statement, REAL christians are tolerant, loving, accepting, non-judging, as it should be! Anyway, just wanted to say I’m thinking of you and your sweet family as I always do and have for over a year now! I keep you all in my thoughts and prayers! I hope it helps. Keep on doing what you do Maya! xoxo

  10. You go, Maya. You speak your mind and ignore all these people that don’t know what they’re talking about – just like you’re doing. I am a strong Christian, and I STILL think what Chickfila did was wrong. You (and Ro, of course) are HUGE inspirations to me, I never take my bracelets off (wearing them as I type this, on the beach.) So anyways, keep on going like you are, your determination and ability to see what is truly wrong in this world will get you SO far – I honestly think if anyone can bring awareness to these kids, it’s you.

  11. I get your point, I second your fury, and I admire your directness. I also love that you have “bullshit” as a tag line. And I’m so impressed that your grief propels you up the mountain instead of always keeping you in your bed under your covers.

  12. Hi beautiful courageous bad ass Maya,
    I have been reading your blog for over a year now and although I have wanted to comment many times to show you how much you have touched my soul, I would be so drained by the end of your heart wrenching letters that I would just mentally shut down.
    As you already know, many people suck out there and you are right, this is YOUR blog and people don’t have a right to judge YOU! I understand we all have different beliefs and how boring would life be if we didn’t, but I am so appalled by people’s negativity and judgements! This is about Ronan, your sadness, your badassness so fuck everyone. Don’t even waste your time explaining to them why or what you meant. I LOVE that you straight up said don’t read my blog and fuck off. It’s perfect and that’s it! Block their asses!
    I pretty much always give people the benefit of the doubt and I don’t know why it still shocks me to read some of these negative comments. I mean I know there are some stupid people out there but seriously, these are some heartless people as well! Ugh. I don’t have the patience for this type of BS. It makes my blood boil.
    I have not lost a child and I am a mother of a an almost 3 year old boy, and I plan on doing everything I can towards child cancer, for you, for your family and for Ronan. And of course all the other kids that are fighting every single day. When did our world become so backwards? These are children. I can’t even drive by the PCH without all my hair on my body rising and sometimes even uncontrollable full on tears. Innocent fucking children who are being turned away. Ugh.
    Maybe I haven’t commented before because I haven’t known what to say about how fucked up the system is. Maybe it’s because I live in fear everyday that someday I will know what it truly feels like. Maybe I feel helpless. I just know that you are such a badass and if I ever get the chance to meet you, I will seriously hug you with every compassion that I have in my soul for you and it’s a lot;)
    Yvette M.

  13. Maya- u rock as always…..hopefully the majority of your readers (like myself) understood that you were not bashing christians or any other religious organization. You pointed out that Chik fucking fil a donated a fuckton of money to a cause that basically is driven by hate and ignorance….oh…will people ever learn???? no- but you keep up the fight…you’re doing amazing things and there only more amazing things to come…

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