Ro baby. I played musical beds last night as I fought off the Ambien sleep. I won. I fell asleep for about 10 minutes in our bed and then woke up, in a panic because I cannot remember the last time I have seen the stuffed animal, Gary, that I bought for you over Christmas. I said to your daddy, “Where is Gary?!” He was too deep in a sleep to wake up to help me so I just let him be. I didn’t find Gary and it’s driving me nuts. I keep pretending you hid him somewhere. Such a silly thing to be upset about but it is important to me. I ended up crawling into Liam’s top bunk bed, where both of your brothers were curled up together. I tried to lay there with them for a while and I was hoping to fall asleep. I didn’t. It was too crowded so I got up and went into your room. I grabbed the big, warm, cozy blanket that you died on (I cannot believe I even have to say those words) and draped it around my body and crawled into your extra cold bed with your Master Yoda’s and sock monkey friends. They kept me warm and I finally fell asleep around 3 a.m. I woke up today, sad like I do everyday but I forced myself to leave the house as I knew staying at home again, for the 3rd day in a row was not going to be good for me. I went to my Starbucks office instead and continued to address the thank you cards that I am working on getting sent out.
“There’s that smile. And not the bullshit one. You are going to be o.k. I promise.”
I love you so much. I miss you. I hope you are safe. G’nite sweet boy.