The hands that refuse to let go


 

 

After a Friday evening meltdown, a sea of tears from both my husband and myself, we somehow managed to pull it together and put on our happy faces for the weekend. Time to pick ourselves back up off the bathroom floor and together; we did. We spent Saturday doing things around the house with boys. Lot of quality time just enjoying being together. Later in the evening Woody ran the boys’ over to his parents house for a sleepover. The twins stayed the night, but Ronan just wanted to come home so of course, he let him. Woody and I had planned on having a date night, but it didn’t quite work out that way. I had plans for an early dinner to celebrate one of my best friends, Marisa’s birthday, but was planning on spending some time with Woody after. I met Trish, Marisa, and Danielle, at True Foods for a dinner out. I tried my best not to be a Debbie Downer, but there is not pretending around those 3. There is no need to pretend either which is why I love them so much. I sat outside alone before the girls arrived waiting for our table. All I could think to myself, was, look at all these shiny happy people…. everywhere. I wanted so badly to be one of them but could barely muster up the energy to come out of the zombie state I was in. Once Marisa arrived, we sat at the bar and both had an amazing Margarita together and caught up on some things. It felt so good to be with my little M. I miss her so much. Trish and Danielle arrived soon after and we sat down for dinner. It ended up being such a wonderful evening. We talked about everything. Somehow, those girls managed to take my sadness and wash it away for a couple of hours. I was so happy to be with them and celebrate another birthday with Marisa. We talked about how we will all be together when we are 60 doing the same thing and how life will have all worked out beautifully. I can’t wait to look back on everything we are going through and have survived it. All with the help of my beautiful friends. Luckiest girl ever.

When I returned home, Ronan was still awake but he was tired and ready for bed. I kissed Woody goodnight and crawled into be with my little bug. Although I was beyond exhausted, I tossed and turned the entire night. It was an awful nights sleep once again. Ronan woke up bright and early, so I got up with him and we let Woody sleep in. Our Sunday was spent spring cleaning. Or, in our case I’ll call it, “You’re moving to New York in 5 days so you’d better get your shit together.” Woody cleaned and organized the garage, I tackled the boys’ closets, drawers, toys, my closet, and everything else that needed to be done around here. I cannot go to New York without a clear head and having everything organized to a tee is the a good start to that. Ronan happily played around the house all day and waited for Liam and Quinn to come home. Woody and I were able to get a ton done which feels really nice even though my anxiety is though the roof. I went for  a fast 4 mile run this evening to try to burn off some of my nervous energy. Oh, and Trish, if you are reading this, totally forget to text you that I made it home safely and did not get eaten by a coyote on my dark run:) My run felt nice but didn’t do much for my nervous energy. I came home to a house of happy boys’ playing sweetly. I finished up all of the laundry and the rest of the little things that were left to do. Ronan is now curled up beside me and sound asleep. Woody and Quinny are playing video games and Liam is asleep in his bed. All is peaceful here. I love nights like this.

Liam and Quinn have Spring Break this week. Normally we would be going somewhere totally fun for vacation. Not this year. Makes me so very sad. We will spend the week at home and I will do my best to entertain and soak up my time with them as much as possible. Ronan has his clinic visit tomorrow and it will be his last one before we leave for New York. He told me tonight he is sad to leave everyone to go to New York and wants to know why Liam and Quinn can’t come. I hate that we have to leave them behind. I don’t know how I am going to do this when Thursday rolls around. It is going to be beyond hard to say goodbye to them for such a long period of time. We will have to set up our nightly Skype chats. Everybody seems to enjoy that.

So much to do this week. I am trying my best to be excited for New York because I know once we get there it is going to be great, just like our last long stay there in December. I didn’t even want to come back here at that time. It’s hard; my heart is torn because it feels like it belongs in both places. UGH. Don’t even get me started on leaving Tricia. That is going to be beyond brutal. I’m still trying to convince her to move to New York with me…. best idea ever:)

Goodnight dear friends. Hope you all had a beautiful weekend.

xoxo

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2 thoughts on “The hands that refuse to let go

  1. Marquita Ward

    If you can also think of this as a “spiritual war” it might help. You are on deployment..and will return victorious! God is for you, who can be against you…?
    Praying for healing and all the encouragement you all need to get through this, in Jesus name amen.

  2. Michelle Hobbs

    Glad you were able to spend time with friends and get organized at home, that helps a little I’m sure. It won’t be long and you’ll be settled and thriving in NYC ;). You are all in my prayers…xo

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