Awake. Lovely. Fell asleep for about an hour. Woke up due to horrific nightmares. Not going back to sleep anytime soon.
I talked via text message to Ashley’s mom today—the little girl who underwent surgery. It went very well, and she is now recovering in the ICU. Her mom told me to prepare myself. Fuck. How do you prepare for something like that? I sent Woody the text message she sent me about what to expect. His response? “Fuck.” Great. My rock, who is usually my positive power, knows what we are about to go through is going to be hell. I am trying to mentally prepare myself, but I don’t even know if that’s possible. She did tell me that she is completely in love with Dr. La Quaglia, though. That makes me feel a little better. Cheers to Ashley and her successful surgery. So very happy for her and her family.
Today, we spent the day all together as a family. Liam and Quinn leave tomorrow, and I am devastated. Ronan is going to be so sad; those boys are his life. We tried to soak up being together as much as possible and had a great day. Lots of laughing and throwing snowballs.
Tonight, Woody and Quinn ran out to get some dinner a few blocks down the street. Ronan was so upset after they left because he wanted to go with them. He screamed and cried the entire time they were gone, which was about 20 minutes. I was dealing with him when I looked over and saw tears pouring out of Liam’s eyes. I immediately left Ronan to his temper tantrum to tend to Liam. I sat and held him and asked him what was wrong. He told me how much seeing Ronan scream and cry bothers him. I wanted to die right then and there. Of course, it all makes perfect sense. Liam has been spending a lot of time with Mimi and Papa on this trip because they are his safety, his security. With them, there is no chaos, nothing unexpected, nothing scary. Liam lives for calmness, structure, and rules. With Ronan, you never know what you are going to get, and every second is different from the next. Liam does not like this at all, and seeing him tonight, all I wanted to do was take him home and put him back in his secure environment where all this madness does not exist. I held him for a long time, let him cry, and explained why Ronan was acting this way.
Ronan got so mad that I was tending to Liam that he shut himself in the closet. I let him; Liam needed me. As soon as Woody and Quinn returned, we ate dinner, and then he took the twins upstairs to watch football. I curled up with Ronan and fell asleep—for a little while anyway.
So, it is officially New Year’s Eve. I am so ready for 2010 to be over. Worst year of my life. 2011 is going to be much better; I have a great feeling about it.
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