Feathers, Glitter, and All Things Sparkly

 

 

 

Today was a very productive day.

My sweet, dear Fernanda stopped by for a coffee drop-off and a visit. She went over my “to-do” list with me and helped me decide how to tackle it. We also talked about our little project we have in the works. She has an amazing business mind. More on that when we are further down the road. Let’s just say the two of us, when Ronan is well, are going to change the world and make the most amazing things come out of this.

It is a good, healthy distraction for me right now — something I am very excited about. I am so honored to have Fernanda by my side. It amazes me how you can know someone for years, and then something like this happens and your relationship either truly blossoms or bottoms out. Out of all of this, I have found a very special friendship that had always existed. I just never knew how deep it ran until now.

After Fernanda left, one of our angels — who writes on my blog often but whom I had never met — came over to help me with some things. My new friend Rita came and tackled the mounds of paperwork that have been looming over my head like a dark cloud. It took her around three hours, and I am so grateful for her and her organization skills. There is no way I was going to be able to handle that project this week. My mind feels all out of whack, and paperwork has become completely overwhelming to me.

Thank you so much, R. You saved my life today. And Ronan loved having you here. I can’t believe how openly he welcomed you into our home. I am very thankful for that.

I cleaned out our pantry, caught up on all of our laundry, paid some bills, and cleaned and organized all of Ronan’s toys. If I leave for New York with things like that undone, I will drive myself crazy thinking about it. Stupid OCD. I will feel so much better knowing everything is organized and put away where it belongs.

Ronan was a happy little boy today. He played a lot by himself while I got things done. He snuggled up in my arms and we took a good nap together. Snuggling him is one of my favorite things in the world. He fits so perfectly in my arms.

Liam and Quinn came home from school and spent the afternoon playing with Ronan. I am trying to let them soak up their time with him as much as possible. They are such good big brothers. I am so excited to spend Christmas with them in New York.

I have not done a single thing in terms of Christmas shopping this year. All of the gifts, cards, and “stuff” just feel so meaningless. Woody came home all excited about a gift he got me, and I didn’t mean to burst his bubble, but I told him I didn’t want anything. That isn’t entirely true. The only thing I want this year is the best doctor in the world operating on my baby — and he already got me that. I couldn’t ask for more.

I know I will have to get some things for Liam and Quinn, but I think I’ll leave that up to Woody. I just can’t focus on that right now. One of my favorite parts of Christmas is sending out our annual holiday card. Not happening this year. That makes me sad. But I’ve got bigger fish to fry. I’ll send you all one on my blog instead — how about that? Think of all the trees I’ll be saving.

We have a pretty solid plan in place for New York. Woody, my in-laws, the twins, the Kotaliks, my mom, my oldest friend Sandy (whom I’ve known since I was five), and Tricia will be coming in and out. Trish and my mom will be with me on my birthday, and that makes me so happy.

I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve — as I always do — for how we will celebrate once Ronan’s surgery is successful. One of them involves glitter. Lots of it. I am obsessed with anything sparkly and glittery. I used to be a very fun girl. I’ve been thinking of ways we can mark this milestone in a positive, joyful way. Trish and I even went shopping for hats to wear in New York, and I bought a silly white feather headband for New Year’s Eve.

Who cares if we’re at the Ronald McDonald House? There will still be sparkles, glitter, and feathers galore. This is our journey. And I cannot wait to say goodbye to 2010.

You know what I’m going to say to 2010?

Adios. Worst year of my life.

2011 is going to be about getting Ronan healthy and whole.

I heard “Iris” by The Goo Goo Dolls on Pandora tonight, and it made me think of Ronan. That feeling of wanting to hold on to a moment forever. Of wanting the world to understand something they never fully can. Of loving someone so much that it feels otherworldly.

Cheers to you, baby boy.

P.S. I totally heart Neil Young and Johnny Cash. They bring me peace and sing us to sleep every night.

Goodnight to all of you beautiful souls out there. Wishing you health, peace, and happiness. I love you all. I am so thankful for the way you continue to hold us in your thoughts.

Ronan is a fighter. There is not another soul like him. I promise you, he will get through this. I can feel it in every fiber of my body and soul.

And through this journey, I’ve come to trust something deeply: my instincts about my life are right.

I believe.