Although I was ready to check into the hospital today; I wasn’t really mentally ready. I left my house early this morning feeling overwhelmed with things that I didn’t get to this weekend. The piles of laundry, the bills, the dishes, my unmade bed…. silly things that could have easily waited; but it was still driving me crazy as I rushed out of the house this morning. So, not getting to check in actually turned into a good thing in a way. Ronan and I got to run some errands, I got everything done in the house that needed to be done, I got to spend some time with Liam and Quinn, and I went on a very dark and cold run with my friend Lindsey. Oh, I so needed that run tonight. It felt so good to be out pounding the pavement with my friend. Today was a very, very, good day. Not only was I happy to have another day at home, but Ronan was in one of the best moods that I have seen him in, in a very long time. That made me so happy. I am now caught up on almost everything. My mind is at ease and I will pray that we can start his treatment on Wednesday. I am ready to get cycle 5 over and done with. I could care less that we will be in the hospital on Thanksgiving… I will just be thankful to be with my baby while he gets his “Magic Medicine,” and that we are one step closer to closing the chapter on his chemo treatments.
Last Saturday, Ronan had his first sleepover at Mimi Kay’s since being diagnosed. The twins stayed over as well and it was so nice to have some adult time with Woody. We met our friends, Pam and Larry White for dinner. Can I just tell you, how in love I am with these two people?? They have been through what Woody and I are going through and have come out the other side, stronger than ever. Woody is in love with them too and that says a lot. It was so nice to be out with them and laugh and listen to their words of wisdom. They are full of great advice and are such fun and loving people. Friends for life; forever. I am so thankful for my pediatrician, Lindsey Campbell, for giving me Pam’s number. She has impacted my life in such a positive and healthy way. Her husband is amazing too, which is always a bonus;) I am looking forward to lots of happy and fun times with them in the future.
I cannot believe New York is less than 2 weeks away. I am so thankful for my support system who is coming out so I won’t have to be alone. Woody will still have to be here, working. We don’t have a choice, he has a law firm to run. Thank god for family and friends to help me out. I know I could handle it on my own, but it is always nice to have an extra pair of hands. I’m excited to get out there, get Ronan settled, and make the most of this. He is so excited to go and keeps talking about how he can’t wait to see Santa Claus. Tricia is coming out for about a week before Ronan’s surgery. I am hoping Ronan is feeling well enough that we will be able to let him enjoy all the wonderful things New York has to offer. Well, as much as he’s allowed without exposing him to too many germs. Is that even possible in New York?? We are going to make it possible…. we are going to make this as positive as of an experience as possible. I will do anything just to see my baby happy. He is not going to be happy about being away from Liam and Quinn, but I will get him through it by looking forward to the reunion they are going to have when Liam and Quinn do come to New York. That is going to be a glorious day:)
I am feeling more peaceful today than I have in a long time. I know that can change in an instant but I took today and soaked in Ronan’s happiness and love. It does a mommy good to see him this way. His happiness equals my happiness. Also, we have been having a lot of time as a family and that means so much more than it used to. There is not a day that we have together that I take for granted. So today, I exhaled and kind of just let all of my worries and pain go. I deserved a day like today, without the guilt. I tried to focus on our main objective which is getting Ronan healthy. I have to be stronger for him, I have to keep it together a little better than I have been. Not only does he need me, but Woody and the boys’ do as well. I have a lot of people counting on me and I cannot let them down. I love them all way too much. I know days like today are rare in my life now; but I am still so very thankful that once in a while, they appear. They are about as rare as seeing a shooting star or a rainbow; and when I do get a day like today, a feeling of happiness and peace washes over me like I’ve never felt before. I am thankful that I can still feel some sort of happiness insight of all of the pain.
Hoping for a peaceful night sleep tonight so I am going to snuggle up with my little Boo. Thank you all for keeping up with us and sticking with me even at my weakest moments. I love you all. xoxo