Ro is still in the hospital due to a low ANC count. His numbers jumped up today, which tells us he is on the up and up, but they still need to get higher before we can come home. He is in a lot of pain due to developing mucositis, which is a side effect of the chemotherapy. It is kind of like ulcers in the mouth. Although we cannot see anything inside his mouth, I can tell they are more along the lines of down his throat.
He has not been wanting to eat anything, so he is getting nutrition from his Broviac line. We won’t be able to go home until he starts eating and everything is healing. It will take his ANC levels coming up to heal the sores.
It has been a rough couple of days at the hospital, and I needed a break. I called in Auntie Karen tonight so I could sneak out, and Woody and Quinn came and relieved her after the ASU game. They are sleeping there tonight. I came home and caught up on laundry and straightened up the house. It feels good to have all of that done.
I will have to be back at the hospital early so Woody can run home and meet with a client. It’s one big shuffle, but I am grateful for the break and the quiet tonight. Hopefully, Ronan will be feeling better tomorrow and we can bring him home in the next few days.
Thank you for keeping him in your thoughts. It’s hard to see your baby in pain when there is nothing you can do about it.
So, my last little post caused quite a stir regarding a comment. I don’t want to touch too much on that, but I do want to say that all opinions are welcome here, good and bad. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but nobody is entitled to judge me.
Yes, I may get on here and rant and rave about things that I am upset about and how I am feeling, but the reason I do this is because when I am living my new life, I am strong and brave, and most of the time nobody even knows when I am breaking down. I only choose to let a few close friends see this side of me.
Some days I have really hard days. Yes, Ronan and my twins see me cry, but I am not the kind of mom who is going to hide my feelings from my kids. I grew up in a family where feelings were not really talked about and everything was always “fine.” I hope my boys will grow up knowing that we are a family who shares all of our fears, feelings, and opinions. I don’t want them to ever think it’s not okay to express how they are feeling.
As far as my “personal relationships” suffering, I really disagree with that. If anything, they have gotten stronger. I am working on making them stronger. The people who have bailed out on me and our situation were never real friends anyway. I have been nothing but honest about the way I am feeling, and if they can’t handle it, then they are not meant to be in my life. The people who have had their feelings hurt know that they can talk to me and we can work it out because they are the people who truly love me. To walk away from me and all of this… well, I think that speaks for itself.
On a happier note, I have made some new beautiful friends on this journey. We are in a club all our own, and I feel so lucky to be part of this club. The fucking cancer sucks club has some of the most beautiful souls I’ve ever met in my life. These people know who they are, and they are family now. I am very thankful to have their shoulders to lean on. And I know they know I am there for them too.
To my Laurie tonight — I love you. I love your tears, your honesty, your smile, your Jack, and the friendship that we will have for the rest of our lives. You are the light of my life and one of the brightest stars in the sky.
One quick note: I did not edit the Pink lyrics section because song lyrics are copyrighted. If you’d like, I can help you summarize why that song matters to you or help you write a short reflection to include instead.
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