Staying sane… or at least trying

Today was an easy day. It reminded me of our old life which was nice, but bittersweet as well. We spent the day at home and ran to the hospital for about an hour. Then we went and got shaved ice and headed to see our favorite friend, Halle, at our dry cleaners. It was a quiet day around the house until the twins got home. We spent the evening playing and laughing. My friend, Bethany, dropped off dinner. It was very therapeutic to see her. She is someone I don’t know very well, but I feel like I do. We grew up in the same town, I was friends with her younger sister, and Bethany and I connected last year though Facebook. Her little boy, Madden, went to preschool with Ronan. She was trying so hard to hold it together for me, but we both ended up crying a bit. It was nice to talk to her, to hear how her family prays and thinks about us everyday…. it was nice to have a bit of my home in front of me.

Liam and Quinn had basketball practice tonight and are still gone with Woody. Ronan is already fast asleep. I kept myself busy tonight picking up the house and venting to my father about some things that are bothering me. UGH. I am tired of keeping things inside and he made a comment to me earlier today that upset me. I called him back and told him I thought he was being insensitive. I should have just let it go, but I couldn’t. I think it may be best to separate myself from some people for a while. I can’t deal with the day-to-day drama anymore. I am tired of having people compare what they have went through in their life, to what we are going through. For most people, life is what you make of it. It’s called choices. We didn’t have a choice with Ronan getting cancer, but we do have a choice of how we can handle it. I am trying to stay sane and focus on my beautiful husband and children. I am trying to focus on all the positive things like how well Ronan is handling everything. I see a light at the end of the tunnel because I know Ronan is going to win. My beautiful baby will not be destroyed over this disease; we will get him through this.

Tomorrow we have a big day. We check in to PCH at 3:00 for Ronan’s scans. He has an MIBG, Bone marrow, and MRI. I told Ronan today all about coming back to the hospital tomorrow because I wanted to prepare him for his long day. He told me it was o.k. and asked if he was going to get put to sleep by Dr. Maze. I told him yes, and he said it was o.k. because, “He’s so nice, mama.” It was really sweet. Ronan is getting very used to his new way of life. It still makes me mad and it’s still not fair but I am thankful that my angel baby seems to be coming to terms with it and is accepting that this is just the way his life has to be now. I hope he understands that it won’t be like this forever. Someday, we will have our beautiful life back, and we are going to appreciate everything so much more. Sometimes, I think I am lying to myself when I say that because I did appreciate all the things we had. I guess it is a lie that I am going to continue to tell myself throughout this whole ordeal because thinking that life is going to be so much sweeter and better after all of this gives me strength and pushes me forward.

Today when we were at the hospital, Ronan asked me where Auntie Karen was. She is out of town for the week on a much deserved, fun, vacation. He told me he wants to see her and misses her. I told him I miss her too, but we will see her next week. We love you, Auntie Karen. We hope you are having the best time and Ronan can’t wait until you get back so he can tease and love you. Goodnight to you all out there… I hope you are hugging your loved ones extra tight, every night.

5 thoughts on “Staying sane… or at least trying”

  1. Alright give my big guy a big knuckle knock/hug on his easy going attitude for the tests tomorrow. Luckily he will get to sleep in the am. Yeah…. Looking forward to seeing you on Friday and give everyone hugs.

    Much Love,

    Gay and Crew

  2. Ronan and your family have been in my prayers since my friend Joan Jarnagin sent me your first blog. I feel so badly for you and Woody as you fight the demon of cancer in your beautiful son. I want to share with you the website of another mother of a little girl with Neuroblastoma who had her treatment at PCH. Maybe the story of her miracle healing at will be a source of comfort that Ronan will win this awful battle. I will continue to pray for him, you, Woody and your family.

  3. Hi, I need to make one correction to my comment above which is the little girl I mentioned had Medulloblastoma which was a brain tumor. But the family went through the hard times and questions like you are dealing with. I so agree that it doesn’t seem fair for a child to have cancer or really any other serious disease. Your foundation is a wonderful way to fight this disease. May God be with you.

  4. God bless Ronan! I follow you and pray for your son everyday. I know this sounds odd from a stranger, but it must be said. He will get through this and be a happy healthy boy. And soon.

  5. Hey Maya,we went to school together. Although we don’t know each other,I heard about your situation through mutual people,& find myself reading your site updates often. I’d like to start by saying I’m truely sorry that your little Ronan,& the rest of your family have to deal with these struggles! I have kids of my own,1 Ronan’s age,& I couldn’t imagine the strength it takes to face this challenge day to day like you guys do. I know I personally have prayed since the day my 1st child was born,that if this or any other disease is in my family’s fate,that I be the one who has to face it. You’ve got a special boy,& I envy your strength as a mother/parent. I can’t even begin to say I know anything about what your dealing with. The thought alone,makes my heart ache. Your a very strong person,as is your little man,& with the love,strength,will,& determination you have,I have no doubts Ronan will be a healthy young man someday! He’s already a survivor,as is your family. You’ll be in my thoughts & prayers,long after Ronan beats this! He’s truely lucky to have such a strong mommy/family.

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