When I became a mom, I knew it was my calling in life. It was the one thing that I was meant to do and I was really, really, good at it. When my twins were born, a lot of people wondered how I did it. How in the world did I manage to take care of two babies at once?? I honestly thought it was easy. It came very naturally to me. I always felt so honored and privledged to be a mom. Taking care of my boys was like waking up to Christmas everyday. When Ronan was born he was the perfect ending to our family. That little boy is so loved; by everyone. His big brothers think he hung the moon. I never wanted to fight this battle and be the voice for this disease. But now I have no choice. All I ever wanted to do in life was to be a mom. The PTA mom, the soccer mom, the mom who organizes all the playdates and parties, the mom who is always in the classroom, etc…. That was my life before all of this; and I loved every second of it. Now, I’m pissed. Pissed that I have to fight this fight, watch my child fight this fight, watch my husband and twin boys’ have their lives turned upside down. Now, I have no choice but to do everything I possibly can to help find a cure for this disease. I will spend the rest of my life doing this. I never wanted this. I just wanted simple. But I was chosen. So I will stand strong and make my family proud and pour everything I have into this.
I know Ronan is going to win this. I know it with every bone in my body. Because if he doesn’t, we all lose. And that is just not acceptable. He was put on this earth to do amazing things but for some reason he has to prove himself and show everybody how brave and strong he is. He is making people fall in love with him all over the world, who don’t even know him. That’s how special of a boy he is. He is my little sidekick and together with our army of angels beside us, we will get though this. Nobody is going to take this boy away from us. EVER.
Tonight, I am mad. I’m am feeling a ton of anger because that is what Ronan has been feeling lately and it makes me angry. His anger is my anger. He has been mean, violent, and self destructive. That is not my Ronan. It is of his fear and emotions coming out and he does not know how to voice them. I try to always stay calm, but sometimes I just want to start screaming and punching the walls. And after thinking about it today, I have decided if I ever see that Elizabeth Gilbert in person; I will punch her in the face. She had a choice to walk out on her marriage, and to “find herself” by traveling across the world. IDIOT. I want a fucking choice. And I don’t get one. So, sorry Elizabeth Gilbert; I don’t feel sorry for you and your stupid pain. Try being a mother and watching your baby fight for his life….. try watching the people you hold dearest to your heart hurt and suffer….. then come talk to me about writing a real book. She can take that “Eat, Pray, Love” crap and shove it.