This morning I woke up at 4:30 on my own. I had been planning on waking up at 5 to get to boot camp, but 4:30 is when the little alarm went off in my head. Ronan was sleeping right up on me. I watched him sleep for about a half an hour, then talked myself into getting out of bed to go to boot camp. It was hard. I wanted nothing more but to stay in bed and snuggle up to him. But I didn’t. I got myself up outta bed, teeth brushed, clothes on and let Woody know I was heading out the door. For those of you who don’t know what I am talking about when I say boot camp, I’ll explain. When Liam and Quinn were about 2 and I was tired of the normal gym routine, I stumbled across this website for a boot camp class that is held outdoors, super early in the morning, at a mountain preserve. The scenery is enough to make anyone fall in love with it, but the icing on the cake for me came in the form of the woman who teaches it. Her name is Tammy and she is inspiring, raw, funny, honest, and can really kick your butt. Her workouts are more than just workouts… it’s almost like a religious experience. She is all not only improving your body, but your spirit and soul as well. I’ve been doing her boot camp off and on for 5 years. It is by far one of my most favorite things to do in life. If you have the time check out her website.
So, today I went back. It was weird even driving there because even the drive was different. Everything is different now. I was one of the first one’s to arrive and it was still dark out. As soon as Tammy saw it was me she came and gave me the biggest hug and just held me for a bit. We talked about what is going on and she gave me some great words of encouragement. Then she proceeded to kick my butt for the next 50 minutes. I was feeling it too. I am pretty consistent with my workouts and I have not done a thing in a month. I felt it today and it hurt. But the hurt was good. It was good to feel something other than numbness.
While I was in the middle of my workout, it dawned on me that life has to go on. As much as I would like to stay in my cozy house with my sweet baby boy and never leave; I can’t. I have to live a little bit. Even if it just means getting up to go and workout. Doing something little like that for myself is going to give me the strength I need. And even though I am full on in the fight of my life; life is not going to stop. So I’d better buckle up and make the best of it. EVERYDAY.
Today, we go to the clinic to have Ronan’s blood levels checked and his dressing changed. Not looking forward to that. I am going to talk to the nurse about taking Ronan out a little bit. Poor kid is dying not being able to go anywhere. I told my girlfriend, what am I supposed to do… throw him in the car and let him stick his head out the window like a dog?? There has got to be something I can do with him that won’t endanger his immune system. Especially on the days like today, where I can tell he is feeling great. I don’t see any Target trips in our near future…. but maybe a park??