Come On, ANC Counts! Come Back Up So We Can Go Home!

We are going to be here for a few more days. Ronan’s fever is gone, but his ANC (absolute neutrophil count) is at 0. The normal range is 1.5 to 8.0 (1,500 to 8,000). This basically means he has no immune system.

This is pretty typical 7–10 days after chemo treatments. They want to see his numbers come back up before they send us home and packing. It’s fine by me. I feel safe here with people monitoring him 24/7.

He asked if he could go home today. I told him not today. He just said, “O.K. Can I have my Star Wars sheets?”

I asked if it was okay for me to run home and grab some things while Woody stayed with him. He said yes and sent me away with a list. His list included taking his favorite blanket (Gigi) home to wash. He asked that I return with his sheets, a pillow, string cheese, Star Wars underwear, and “guys helmets” — aka, his Star Wars action figures.

I ran home, showered, and Trish picked me up so we could meet my friend Christy for breakfast. Christy even skipped church for me this morning. Bless her heart. She, Trish, and I had our own church at that table.

It was so nice to sit and powwow with them.

The table next to us was a mom and dad with their two very young children. I watched them for a long time — the typical stressed-out mom frustrated over her two-year-old’s table manners and not sitting still. Dad was relaxed, trying to help, but the little girl wasn’t listening. The mom got upset, grabbed her daughter, and left before she had a chance to eat much of anything.

I used to be that mom.

Things like that felt so important at the time.

It’s only after going through something like this that you realize they are not.

After breakfast, Trish took me to Target and then home to help me fold my mounds of laundry and put it away. I take such pride in staying on top of those things that it’s hard for me to watch them pile up. I know this is part of my control issue, and I need to let some things go.

Easier said than done.

I am a compulsive neat freak.

Back at the hospital now. Ronan is sleeping. This room feels so depressing. I don’t understand why hospitals are designed this way — so dark and sad. Our roommate has been sitting in his bed since yesterday with the lights off and the TV on. I hate having the TV on in the middle of the day. It drives me bonkers.

I pulled open Ronan’s shades and am doing my best to make this place as cheery as possible. He’s been listening to Radiohead and Pearl Jam on my iPad. He loves music.

I am trying my hardest to drown out the sounds of Hannah Montana in the background.

Thank you for checking in on us and loving us.

We are so lucky to have all of you.

xo