Ronan fell asleep early tonight, and I did too.
I’m awake now because I had a terrible nightmare that Ronan had cancer.
Except it wasn’t a nightmare at all.
It’s real.
I jumped up from my dream, hoping to be home in my bed with my baby curled up beside me. But instead, I am curled up in a hospital bed next to him.
In my dream, I was holding the hand of Liam and Quinn’s new teacher, Mrs. Martin, while two other women stood in a circle praying for Ronan. We were staring at an angel on the wall.
I love that even in my dreams, prayers surround us.
I also woke up thinking about a dear friend of mine, Lisa, who knows nothing about Ronan. She is like another mom to me, and I don’t have her phone number to reach her. When I got a new iPhone, half my numbers were lost because I didn’t have them backed up (dummy). I sent her an email asking her to call me.
My heart is already breaking, thinking about how I’m going to tell her. She is like family to us.
Today was a busy day — more tests, labs, blood work, chemo, and a Broviac dressing change, which I think was the worst part of all.
The chemo didn’t seem to affect Ronan much. They start with a very mild dose, and the whole thing was done in about an hour and a half.
Mimi Kay and Papa Charlie sat with me while Ronan had his hearing test, which required anesthesia. Tricia surprised me with a Jamba Juice and a visit and sat with me while we waited for Ronan to wake up. It was so nice to have her company.
My little M, Marisa, also stopped by just to see my face. She is pregnant and didn’t want to expose Ronan to any germs, so she met me in the hall so I could see her. It was so nice to rub her beautiful pregnant belly and hear her funny stories about her daughter — Ronan’s girlfriend — three-year-old Gracie.
I miss her so much.
Tonight, Woody stopped by for a few hours. Ronan was pretty tired, but we sat and laughed and loved on him. Woody is being so positive and steady. I think my pep talk worked on him because he is in really good spirits, considering what we are going through.
We’ve already decided that Ronan is the mini Lance Armstrong. I’ll bet Lance was a lot like Ronan at this age.
And he beat the shit out of cancer — just like we are going to.
“If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or fight like hell.”
~ Lance Armstrong
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