I have an idea on how save Liam and Quinn’s childhood. Just bring Ronan back!


Ronan. I had a whole big post written out last night and I don’t know what I did, but poof! It disappeared and I could not recover it. Dang it! It was a good one too. I’m going to write a new little post as it’s early in the morning and I can’t sleep. I’ll tell you about yesterday. About how in this new life, how something as simple as being around certain people, makes me feel closer to you. How being around certain people, make me feel happy and it’s not anything I can explain. Your Fairy RoMother is in town and I got to spend much of the day with her yesterday. I hijacked her and took her to one of your favorite restaurants were we gorged ourselves on chips, salsa, tacos, mexican cokes for a couple of hours while we continued our evil plot to take over the world. Or at least the kids are dying/getting cancer and nobody gives a fuck world. We sat outside, enjoyed the warm breezy weather and to get caught up on all the little life things that have gone on. Your favorite lovie stopped by. I had told him a couple of days prior that Kath was coming into town and if he wanted to meet one of the most amazing souls on the planet, now was his chance. He jumped at the opportunity and stopped by just to meet her. It was so sweet. It could have been one of my top 5 favorite days ever, since losing you just due to the company alone. After we had way too many tacos, chips and salsa, we returned back to our house where your Fairly RoMother had the chance to say hello to your daddy and meet your brothers. I was so happy she was able to meet them and see your daddy. It made for a pretty perfect ending to a pretty perfect day.

I spent the rest of the evening doing what I normally do. I waited for the sun to go down before I slipped out for a run. You should have heard the things going on in my head last night while I was getting ready for my run. “Oh, you can’t go yet…. it’s still a little light outside. It’s still too bright.” What the hell is wrong with me? It’s as if I truly think I am a part of the Cullen Family from the Twilight movie and if I go out into the sun, bad things will happen. Sometimes I truly do feel if I spent too much time outside in this bright world, that I am going to explode. Do you know there is an official phobia of this? Fear of the sun? There is. It’s called Hellenologophobia and I think I have it. I think I have it and I live in Arizona. Lovely. After I returned from my dark run of the night, I spent the rest of the evening with your brothers while your daddy slipped out for a few hours. I cuddled up with those brothers of yours and watched a movie. We all fell asleep in our bed. I fell asleep for about 2 hours, Quinn fell asleep in bed next to me, and Liam was cuddled up in the bed I had made for him on the floor. He likes to sleep in our room a lot now and we are o.k. with this. It’s comforting to your brothers, so sometimes we have big slumber parties in our room. Your brothers love this and I’m going to embrace this for as long as possible because I know it won’t last forever.

So, I knew this was going to happen when I wrote my last little blog post and said something about telling Quinn he was not allowed to complain about stupid shorts, because Ben died and we are not allowed to complain about silly things in life anymore. I knew I was opening Pandora’s box with this little tid bit. It’s amazing, what people just assume due to reading what I write. It’s amazing how people are so quick to judge and put such hurtful things out there with their opinions/advice/words. I got a lot of, “It is not Liam and Quinn’s job to change the world! Stop putting so much pressure on them! Let them be kids! Save them from this evil life you are creating!” I would just like to say this. Dear OUTSIDE READERS WHO JUDGE AND DO NOT TRULY KNOW OUR FAMILY, shut it. It is NOT your place to come in here and judge my parenting skills. My parenting skills are not up for negotiations or up on the chopping block. I am a good mom. Despite how harsh the words I write on here sometimes seem to be, it is only because I am THAT hard on myself. I am a good mom. Woody is the BEST dad. And Liam and Quinn are the most amazing little boys, even after going through something like this. Do we live our life differently from most families? I have no clue, because I don’t sit around comparing ourselves to others. I know how we do things, how we have always done things, and it is not much different now, then before losing Ronan. We have always been very open about everything that is going on. We don’t hide things. We expect a lot from Liam and Quinn, while letting them be kids. They have always been aware of the sadness that exists in the world. They have always been aware of the pain that exists. I think I’ve said this before, but I had to stop watching the nightly news in front of Quinn at the age of 2 and a half because he would become so concerned with what was going on, why people would hurt others, and he would always want to know how he could fix them. I don’t know if it is a nature or nurture thing with Liam and Quinn, but they are both two of the most compassionate/wise souls I have ever known. Ronan was this way too. I don’t know why or how, but I am sure the way we live our lives has a lot to do with it too. By being super open, honest, loving and kind. So, sending them off to school with “Ben died so stop complaining,” may seem shocking to some, but it’s not to us. Their baby brother died. With this comes the lesson that EVERY SINGLE DAY is precious. And we are not going to waste it by complaining by silly things that just do not matter, when there are real problems in the world to complain about. It was just me, having a pure, honest moment with my boys. They both know about Ben. We have talked about it in-depth and we do not make death a scary thing that hangs over our heads in our house. We don’t obsess over it. We don’t dwell on it. We are teaching our boys that yes, this awful thing happened, but we are a strong family and Ronan would be so proud of us for continuing to live life by being happy and being a family. I don’t think I’ve ever said I need Liam or Quinn to change the world. That’s what I have Ronan for. I don’t ever think I’ve said that Liam and Quinn will spend the rest of their lives, going on this cancer crusade with me. This is my job, not anyone else’s. I don’t care what they do, as long as they are kind to others and do whatever it is, that THEY CHOOSE to do, they do it with passion and by trying their hardest. I don’t think this is such a bad thing to expect. I do not think my little boys, feel like Ronan is this bigger person, who they live in the shadow of because he is that HOLY and MIGHTY. He was their little brother. He died. We are all sad about that but in no way, shape or form would we hold that over our twins’ heads. Do you know how I send my twins off to school, everyday when I drop them off? I tell them this. “Please try your hardest today. Please help others. Please be kind. But don’t take any crap from anyone. I love you. Have the best day ever.” This is our motto in our family: Be kind but don’t take anyone’s shit. Stand up for yourself but don’t hurt others. Help others when you are in a position to do so. Be strong and brave and try your hardest. Do your best. Make mistakes. Learn from them. Be proud of who you are. It’s pretty simple stuff, really. There is no need for the opinions and advice from outsiders on this subject. I have Woody who is my insane voice of reason. He walks on water and the fact that he told our boys the other night, “Your mom is going to change the world, we are so lucky to have her,” is all the reassurance that I need. Woody believes in me. Liam and Quinn believe in me. They support me. I support them. We support each other. They all bring me back to reality when I am beating myself up which I do a lot of. They remind me that I am doing alright. The proof is in the pudding. Liam and Quinn are excelling at everything they are doing. Grades, school, sports, and just being kids like every 8-year-old should get to be. They just now get to be 8 year olds, who lost their little brother, but it will never define them. It will never be who they are, but it will always be a part of them. So, that’s my rant for the morning. And I think I even did it without saying the fuck word which is just not right. So fucking fuck. Liam and Quinn are just fine. But if you want to “save them,” just bring Ronan back. I mean really, that’s all it would take. If you can’t do that, then shut it. Mind your own business and stop judging me by words that you read. It’s not o.k. to just assume things and put your own experiences on other people’s lives. If I were off shooting heroin, drinking myself into a black hole, then maybe it would be o.k. to say your peace. But I’m not. Not even close. I am at home, every single night with my family. I use this blog as my outlet to say things that I feel and to vent because I hold so much back during the day when I am in mommy/wife/responsiblity world. These are my words and if you don’t like them, that is your problem. Do not try to make it mine.

That’s all for this morning little bug. I miss you and I am trying everyday to figure this new life out. It is sad, scary, dark and not fun. But the glimpses of light that shine through every once in awhile make me smile. They remind me that you would want me to keep going, to keep trying, to keep living. As painful as it is at times, I know I don’t have a choice. I will not waste my life and give up. I live for you. I love you. I miss you. I hope you are safe.

xoxo

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44 Comments

  1. Lori

     /  February 25, 2012

    Maya, you are patient to take time and energy to explain so much about your personal life to those who choose to judge you. It’s far too easy for people to sit behind their computer screens and call out others. Keep doing what you are doing, woman. Keep sending your children out into the world with the message to be kind but to not take any crap. We all should heed your words. I, too, believe that you are going to change the world. Don’t pay attention to the naysayers…they will always exist so keep on taking the high road honey.

    Reply
  2. Who’s judging who?? Put our shoes on……. You judge and blog horrible things about everyone, in every corruptible way! And you think that’s o.k?

    Reply
    • Ann Doellman

       /  February 25, 2012

      What is this? Junior high? You hurt my feelings so I’m going to hurt yours??????????
      No one…..NO ONE……….knows how Maya feels. Let the woman vent any way she wants. If she offends you GET THE HELL OFF THIS BLOG. BE SUPPORTIVE OR DISAPPEAR.

      Reply
    • JLT

       /  February 25, 2012

      Shut the fuck up K! I have never written on maya’s blog although I have been reading it for a long time. but you fucking pissed me off. Shut the fuck up. Keep your thoughts to yourself.

      Reply
      • Robin

         /  February 26, 2012

        Agree JLT!!!and thank you Maya for being RO-mazing!! Love you, girly!! have the best day you can….(((hugs)))

    • Then why don’t you stop reading and stop being an asshat?!

      Reply
    • Lori

       /  February 26, 2012

      K, if you don’t like what Maya writes then stop reading. It is that simple. I can’t help but think that what she writes triggers something in you that you need to deal with. This is her space…she doesn’t bare her heart and soul so that others can judge her. You might want to take a look in the mirror.

      Reply
    • Amanda

       /  February 26, 2012

      Hmm. What to reply to you “K”….. I am curious…. Which blog are YOU reading? Clearly it couldn’t be the same one that we all have been reading. Who is judging her? Obviously you are, along with all of the other dumb fucks that leave comments like yours. Maya does NOT judge ANYONE or “blog horrible things about everyone in the most corruptible way”… Please tell me when she has?…. Exactly, never! I’m sorry, but does someone have a gun to your head forcing you to read Maya’s blog?!… If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all. I feel very sorry for you, if that is what you collect from reading Maya’s blog, then I’m terrified to wonder how you live your daily life.

      Off, is the direction in which I would like you to fuck!

      xoxo

      Maya, you are amazing and are an inspiration to so many… You are changing this world… You and your beautiful painful story, has changed MY life. I thank you for that.

      Reply
  3. Truth is: I have been reading your blog for a long time. Your horrible journey has inspired me to take off my blinders and see the truth of the world. In all of this time I have NEVER thought you were putting too much pressure on your children. I think what you are doing and teaching your children NEEDS to be taught. So many children out there are spoiled and not grateful for a thing they have in their lives. I have one of those kids. He is slowly realizing that he has it better than some kids. That things in his life are great. With your boys, they know the world is not unicorns and rainbows. They know nice people have terrible things happen to them, because it happened to them! They lost their brother. So while they will get time to be a bit spoiled and cry they also have to be told to remember that a pair of shorts are NOT the end of the world.
    What you said to them wasn’t wrong so delete those one track minded comments. they obviously think it is ok to let their children cry over a dang pair of shorts. Maybe they meant no ill will by their comment but come on, they just need to shut up. You have every right to make your children aware of the real world. You have every right to teach your children to not let the little things annoyances in life matter so much. There are bigger things to worry about. And I don’t think you are pushing your children to make a difference. I think they will want to make a difference by seeing what you do and how hard you work even through your grief. When they grow up they will have a desire to help change the world. They will have a passion. You are giving them a passion. It is not much different than a mother who stresses the importance of school so they get into a great college. Or the mother who spends thousands of dollars sending their chidden to dance classes or piano lessons. All so that they have a passion. The difference is, yours wasn’t a passion you chose for them. But that stupid saying “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade”, thats what you are doing and thats what you are teaching. So those people who keep telling you how wrong you are or some other form of negative comments, tell them “bite me”.
    Maya, you are great, beautiful, wonderful and strong.

    Reply
  4. Aimee patel

     /  February 25, 2012

    Hi maya, I don’t comment much but i read your blog faithfully and the mere fact that you have to justify your thoughts, your actions, YOUR words in your own blog is enough to drive me a little insane…..
    I can’t even begin to identify with what you are going through but my motto is “fake it till you make it” and the love you have for your family shines through in your pictures- anyone can see that. I hope one day your pain lessens, I can’t imagine it will….. But your faith and love will guide you to do great ROthings. Until then, fuck anyone who opens their mouth to criticize.

    Reply
  5. Other people always have their own opinons… As bloggers or anyone else who is being given an opinion, it is our choice as to whether or not we listen. I choose not to listen to any naysayers. Try not to let them get to you.

    Reply
  6. Ann Doellman

     /  February 25, 2012

    Maya, I admire your tremendous courage. You share and educate all of us by telling us how you feel. DO NOT stop. We cannot defeat this fucking child killer by being silent and alone in our thoughts. You encourage me to be a rebel. Lead on………there are thousands supporting you. <3

    Reply
  7. Are you fucking shitting me?! Even if I had an opinion on how you’re raising your children, which I don’t, I wouldn’t feel the need to comment about it here!!! This makes me so, so angry!!! I know you are more than capable of looking after yourself, but I constantly want to defend you from assholes who feel the need to tell you that they think you’re dealing with this the ‘wrong way’. Liam and Quinn are your sons – no one knows them better than you and Woody and therefore no one can tell you that how you’re raising them is wrong. I know from reading this blog that they have been to counselling…just because you don’t write about it all the time, doesn’t mean it’s not happening. We only see a snippet of your life on here and I know you like to keep a lot of things private. People can go get fucked.

    Reply
  8. Maya, there are those out there who have suffered a great loss such as yourself & those who can not even begin to comprehend in the slightest of what you & your family are going through. Grief is different for everyone & how we get through it is different for everyone. It amazes me how those have the nerve to criticize you, judge you & try & guilt you. We are all unique. Not one person is the same, not even twins. Everything you are doing is making a difference in more lives than you will ever know. You are just as spicy as Ronan & I admire, respect & adore you & everything you stand for. Kudos to your strength & courage in the face of nay sayers & negative Nancy’s!

    Reply
  9. Katie R.

     /  February 25, 2012

    The person who left the second comment can go FUCK herself!! Anyways, Maya, glad to hear you had a good day!! I think you are doing the best job! Keep it up!

    Reply
    • christine

       /  February 29, 2012

      there is entirely too much anger on this blog and in these comments. i am utterly astounded that a blog about a childhood cancer has turned into a catfight. every one is entitled to an opinion and using harsh words toward one another is NOT the way to bring people to an understanding that we need to find a cure for cancer.

      walk the shoes of a pediatric nurse for a day…and think how often we want to be angry and cry and get pissed at God and the world, but we don’t. we stand strong.

      Reply
      • Katie R.

         /  March 1, 2012

        Christine – this blog is about a mothers journey with her beautiful son who has cancer and died! DIED, Chirstine!! So, there’s going to be a whole lot of anger!! Maya is the strongest person I know (actually I don’t personally know her but still). If we all want to say FUCK OFF to all the haters then that’s what we’re going to say. FUCK OFF to haters and FUCK OFF to FUCKING CANCER!

      • christine

         /  March 1, 2012

        katie, if you actually took the time to read my post without immediately swearing cuss words, you would understand. i see and live childhood cancer every single day of my life. i know the anger, i know the hurt, i do what i can to make it better. you claim to be trying to gather support, yet the constant, CONSTANT use of “FUCK YOU” is only going to keep people away. we need to unite and find a cure for this horrible disease, not push people away for voicing an opinion that may slightly differ from their own. the only thing i can agree on is to say FUCK CANCER. i feel for maya and every family i meet at work, but getting angry isn’t going to help us find a cure. sorry, that is just the truth. i thank the blog for the awareness it has brought to the community, but i will no longer support it with retorts like yours. what did i say in my comment that pissed you off? “too much anger?” is that what set you off? if so, you really need to look inside yourself. may you find peace in your life.

      • Ummm is this “Nurse Christine?” If so, please go away. You are a sick person with severe mental issues. You have been trolling this page so much that we know who you are, in real life. I have a lot of savvy tech peeps who know how to track creepers like you.

  10. KathyM

     /  February 25, 2012

    I was going to message you after the last post, but life got in the way and I didn’t. I knew that people would be ignorant about it. I have a 10 year old and a 2 year old, both are incredibly sensitive to the world, which I am grateful for. My husband and I have always been open with them about things going on, but we also had to stop watching the news with the oldest because she couldn’t understand how things happen.

    After my dad died (my heart aches when I read about Ronan…and you…the thought of losing one of my babies…I love you and don’t know you, but I know we would be friends if we could meet), my daughter, who was 7 at the time, was crying/whining about her socks not fitting right. I looked at her and said, “What? You are crying because your socks don’t feel right? There are things worth crying over…like Papa Woody dying (yes, my dad’s nickname was Woody), your socks are not a reason to cry.” She gets it.

    We also spend a lot of time talking about how there are a lot of kids who don’t get to come home to parents who love them and treat them well, some of her friends don’t have food or clothes or whatever. So, we have to be kind to others.

    I also told her that some people don’t understand the word no, so if they won’t listen, kick ass. My husband couldn’t believe I told her that, but it is sooo true. It’s like the movie Road house, be nice, until it is time to not be nice. :)

    Keep kicking ass, telling the truth, and people who don’t want to hear it can suck it. This is your outlet and they can choose to look away, hide their heads in the sand and pretend like this crap doesn’t happen, like people’s hearts aren’t breaking because their babies are sick and dying. Pretend like you should be FINE…shut it. Pisses me off. You are obviously a great mom/wife, but who the hell says you shouldn’t be able to grieve?

    Sorry, I wrote a book, but your last post sounded so like me, I had to write. So sorry about losing another sweet baby. Your hummingbird story gave me goose bumps.

    Wish we lived closer and could meet for real :)

    Reply
  11. Amy

     /  February 25, 2012

    Maya, I don’t get it!? Why do people think you are writing for them? I have been a member of the mafia forever and have stopped reading comments, sometimes I have to read them when you expend the energy to defend yourself…..Maybe you need a disclaimer, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one but that doesn’t mean I want to hear it!! MY opinion is that people need to realize what the purpose of this blog is…..last time I checked I didn’t see the section where you are asking for advice or feedback from ANYONE! So keep on keeping on, spreading the word about about an underfunded devasting disease that is stealing our children from us and opening the eyes of many people about what really matters!!

    Reply
  12. Kim

     /  February 26, 2012

    Maya….there is nothing wrong with encouraging your children to see the bigger picture–this is called PARENTING! We teach our children our values and give them insight on mistakes they can avoid through our own trials and errors. Who hasn’t told their wasteful or unappreciative child that they should be more appreciative of what they have because there are dying children in Africa who won’t even get dinner that night (or is this just me haha). What you said is no different. You are doing great…please don’t take ignorant people’s words to heart.

    Reply
  13. Erika

     /  February 26, 2012

    Maya- I hate that people can be such fuckwads. My dad was a prisoner of war who survived on moldy potato peelings and rainwater with who knows what in it, as a kid I wasn’t allowed to bitch about what was for dinner. It didn’t ruin my childhood, it made me a better person- aware of others and aware of the world. Fuck the judgers- the are only judging you to avoid looking at their own lives. You rock, so does Ro…and quite frankly – so do I.
    xo
    E

    Reply
  14. Claudia

     /  February 26, 2012

    Maya Inca Badass Mofo,

    Just so you know, I think you are an AMAZING mommy to your Liam, Quinn and Ronan. I love your family rules to live by. They are perfect and everything I try to instill in my own family as well. You are allowed to tell your boys not to complain about the things in life that really don’t matter. I remember growing up my parents telling me numerous times to eat all my food on my plate because there are children starving that don’t have any food. Guess what? I turned out just fine! In fact, I believe I am a more compassionate human being because of it. They didn’t damage me. I also, never had to face such loss as Liam and Quinn have had to endure at such a young age. You are real and you are teaching your boys that there are much more important things in life than shorts. I get it. I only wish others were not so close minded. I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet not spicy little monkey boy. He is always in my heart and he will help you change this world. Love to you always Maya!

    Reply
  15. It is not the message but how it is delivered………

    Reply
    • Ali

       /  February 26, 2012

      Do you really think it’s anyone’s place, besides Woody’s, to tell Maya she’s raising her children wrong? We’re privvy to only what we read here.

      Reply
    • Katie R.

       /  February 27, 2012

      Hey LE – FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING FUCKERSON!!! YOUR DELIVERY SUCKS!!

      Reply
  16. Leona

     /  February 26, 2012

    Ok REALLY!!
    1) Maya these asshole do not deserve to even be acknowledged by you. Fuck them. How dare they judge you. So, do not waste your time, giving them 1 second.
    2) “K” go FUCK YOU SELF!

    That is all,

    Love you Maya,

    Leona~
    XOXO

    Reply
  17. Becky

     /  February 26, 2012

    http://weknowmemes.com/2012/02/the-most-vulgar-character-of-all-time/

    I thought you’d appreciate this link for your little Star Wars lover. My son is 4 and loves Star Wars as well.

    BTW people, keep this a positive, healing space and remember what this blog is about…a wonderful,innocent boy who should still be here with his mama!

    Reply
  18. D. Murray

     /  February 26, 2012

    I love your clean and simple rules to live by. I wish more people followed them. However, there will always be those who judge or have to share their opinion. My grandfather taught me decades ago that opinions are like assholes – everybody has one and they all think their’s is the only one that doesn’t stink. I try to teach my grandchildren the same thing. I think I will add your simple rules to live by because they ring true to me.

    Reply
  19. Bertie

     /  February 26, 2012

    “K” is just saying what a lot of other ppl don’t have the balls to say. She (Maya) acts as if she is the only one to ever lose a child. Yes, it absolutely horrific and no one should have to go through it (especially the child themselves!), but to be so nasty to individuals who are trying to be kind and to offer help/advice is just plain cruel. Someone has gotten waaay too big a head — oh, that is right — she has told us that she use to think she was above others (obviously not much has changed).

    Not to mention the fact, those ppl (myself included), who decide that when their child dies to say things like “Oh, Winnie has gone to be w/our Lord”, that is the way THEY are choosing to deal w/their grief. Way to judge them, Maya!

    Reply
    • Ali

       /  February 27, 2012

      Don’t like it? Don’t read it. No one is making you.

      Reply
    • Katie R.

       /  February 28, 2012

      Hey Bertie – stop reading Maya’s blog. All of us (her loyal followers) support the way she is dealing with the loss of her beautiful Ronan. Just go crawl back under the rock from which you came from. NO ONE LIKES YOU……YOU’RE NOT WELCOME TO COMMENT ON THIS BLOG. GO AWAY!!!

      Reply
    • Kendra

       /  February 28, 2012

      I don’t think Maya has judged anyone for how they choose to deal with their grief – to me it seems more like she just doesn’t want you telling her how to deal with HER grief. She has said repeatedly that it is NOT helpful or comforting for her to hear that Ronan is “in a better place”, “with the angels”, etc. etc. etc. That’s not judging the people who are comforted by those thoughts … it’s simple asking that you keep those thoughts to yourself, because she doesn’t want to hear it. No one is asking you to change your beliefs or change the way you deal with your grief, so you need to give others the same respect and let them deal with things in their own way.

      To everyone else who has negative comments … this is a public blog, yes. And it’s true that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and obviously not everyone is going to agree with everything that is said. What I don’t understand is, if you are in such disagreement with what is being written here, why are you reading it? What is the point? Does it make you feel powerful to sit at your computer and dole out advice like you’re some kind of professional grief counselor or parenting expert? I don’t get it.

      Reply
  20. Maya, I find it absoFUCKinglutely ridiculous that you would EVER EVER have to waste a post on people like ‘K’. And I know you’ve done it with others before who have judged you here. I am sorry that there are people out there that are that ignorant and rude, I am sorry that those people feel the need to inject their beliefs into your life. No one HAS to read this blog, and I really wish those that ARE NOT HERE TO STAND UP WITH YOU IN THIS FIGHT, WOULD JUST FUCKING LEAVE!! I mean what are you here for? To judge her? To point out what you ‘think’ is bad parenting. WHAT THE FUCK???

    But the part that really, really pisses me off is this…I love hearing about Liam and Quinn. I love when you write about them, things they are up to, how they are doing, whatever. I’ve missed them in your posts. Then, when you do post about them, people have to get on here and criticize you for how you parent them?? Holy Fuck!!

    So please, Maya, keep writing about them. You are an amazing mother and Woody is SOOOO right, they are so lucky to have you. I am still so pissed that you had to write this!!! UGH!
    Love you!

    Reply
  21. Mama J

     /  February 26, 2012

    I have been reading your blog since April. I never once left a comment because I’m often left speachless after reading your sad, raw, beautiful, and sometimes funny posts. To me your blog is THEE MOST BEAUTIFUL love story I have ever heard of! To me you’re such an amazing woman and mommy! I cry like a baby many, many times after most of your posts, because I hurt sooooo much for you! I am a mother of 4 beautiful babies who I now kiss a lot more, hug a little tighter, and don’t sweat the small stuff because of you and Ro. I am extremely grateful for you sharing your love story. I share your blog every chance I get because I want to help you raise awareness about this fuckityfucked-up fuckwad monster know as cancer. Ronan is thee most BEAUTIFUL baby I have ever seen. I agree with you 1 trillion % that there is no better place for him then in the arms of his amazing mama! Fuck all this heaven and God bullshit!! If God was such love then innocent babies wouldnt be dying from this fucking monster, and families hearts wouldn’t be ripped out and stompped on!!! So I say to the bible thumpers to go fucking thump else where because this mamas heart has been thumped on enough!!! My reason for posting for the first time today is simple. It really burns my ass when you have to take time out of writing to your precious spicy blue eyed Robaby to explain yourself to these pathetic people that want to question your parenting and put in their 2 cents!!! I understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinion but, you don’t need to be a fucking douchefuck and voice it hear!!! Because even if you lost a child you didn’t lose Ro and you have no fucking right!!! These fuckwads should be grateful that they can read your love story and possibly learn from it!! If Maya wanted advice I’m sure this amazing, fearless, broken hearted mama would ask for it!!! So like the saying goes think before you speak, in this situation think before you write!! Please!!!! Maya, again thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing Ro and the love you have with him, with the world! I may not know you but, I am always thinking about you and Ronan. Always RONAN!!! Xoxo

    Reply
  22. paula

     /  February 26, 2012

    Really enjoy reading your blogs, as much as they make me cry. Your writing is powerful. My daughter is a neuroblastoma survivor. But we have lost others we know to it, and other child cancers. Its so terrible. Anyways, I would have said the same thing to my son, if I were you that morning. It reminds me of this afternoon – the conversation I had with my 9 year old. Example, this afternoon, she wanted a snack and says , “ugh, we have nothing to eat” , while starring in to full cabinets of food and snacks. My reply- ummmm, hello, do you know how many children in this country, never mind all the poor countries, that wish they had all this food ….now knock it off, no complaining find sometthing.
    People dont always get it. But you are a great mom.

    Reply
  23. I’m ashamed that my name starts with the letter that the jackwad above me posted under. Ignorant people can go take a fucking flying leap. Love you so much, RoMama.

    -Kayla

    Reply
  24. Maureen

     /  February 27, 2012

    I’ve said it before and I guess I’ll say it again…no one is holding a gun to your head- if you don’t like what Maya has to say- then STOP reading!!! I’m still trying to figure out how exactly Maya is “corrupting” people…by making them aware of childhood cancer????? WTF? REALLY? I guess the haters would rather stay ignorant then have their beautiful bubble of a world popped by something so dreadful. Oh- and as for what you said to your son about the shorts- I would’ve said the exact same. It’s called parenting…and I’ll tell you what…working as an educator I see alot of this “I’m trying to be my son/daugthers friend”. fuck that! They need parents…they have friends. We are fostering self indulgent behavior- “oh, don’t say anything bad or discipline your kids cuz they may be hurt”…Hey guess what? That’s what life is all about- being hurt, disppointed as well as being happy, strong and working hard…Bill Gates said it best. He recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
    Rule 1 : Life is not fair – get used to it!
    Rule 2 : The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
    Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

    Love him or hate him…these are words of wisdom…so to all the haters…stop hiding behind your rose colored glasses…wake up and see the world for what it is-oh..I remember when growing up if I complained about the food I was eating or the clothes I was wearing- I got the “if you don’t like it then cook your own food” or “there are children wearing rags for clothes- get over it”. sigh…sorry bout the soapboxing, but I am so sick of people sitting on their little high horses spewing shit they know nothing about because they’ve created this little nirvana world to live in….Keep on rocking Maya!! Your blog is changing alot of lives for the better!!

    Reply
  25. I really need to stop reading these comments as the two or three negative ones just piss me off. Look at everything you are doing for OTHER kids and parents so they hopefully won’t have to live this hell that you’re living? You are helping to save kids that aren’t even born yet; kids that the government don’t seem to give a damn about. I’m sure it would be easy for you to sit back and say “Ronan died, neuroblastoma’s won. I’m don’t need to fight anymore”. Instead, you work tirelessly for future parents and future babies to have a future together that you and Ro didn’t have the chance to have. You are LOVED beyond belief, Maya. I hope you can feel that love, even on your worst Fuckwad Bob days. We love you.

    Reply
    • Maureen

       /  February 28, 2012

      well said Ali- and I myself need to stop reading the negative comments as well. However, I feel the need to just clarify some things to ‘those’ people….1) Maya has never said that she was better than anyone else…she said she felt her life was beautiful and care-free-not in so many words-but she felt she had the perfect life; 2) I don’t recall her ever saying that it was wrong to believe that someone who has died has gone to heaven to be with God, I believe she said that she does not think that way and would like for people to not say it to her…she has always said that people grieve in their own way- there is no right or wrong…but the bottom line is that Maya and many other people are out there spreading the word about childhood cancer and finding a cure….and in the end isn’t that what really matters? To save children and families from having to deal with this fucked up disease? I say yes….go Maya….keep on doing what you’re doing!

      Reply
  26. andrea

     /  February 28, 2012

    your family motto rules

    Reply
  27. christine

     /  February 29, 2012

    you choose to blog publically, be ready to get responses you don’t like. i have always enjoyed your blog and following your incredibly sad journey’s ups and downs, but the angrier it gets, the less inclined i am to read it and the more inclined i am to find other routes of supporting those with neuroblastoma, other childhood cancers, and their families.

    i know you say you give your other sons the support and love they deserve, and you very well may by getting your anger out on here. but to me it just doesn’t sound like they have much of a mom these days. i could be 100% off base here, but the amount of time spent blogging and the intense sense of anger has me finding it hard to believe that you can turn anger off like a light switch.

    not trying to argue, but please look at it from the perspective of people who have given monetarily and time through PCH for years and years…it almost makes me feel like my work is for naught.

    Reply
  28. Desiree

     /  March 5, 2012

    Wow. Maya, I’m so sorry for the assholes who comment anything but support on here. I cannot believe some of the things people say… As if they would be walking around, skipping through the sunshine if THEY lost THEIR child??!! I can’t believe it. I need to just stop here b/c it pisses me off. You are amazing. You are changing the world. Your love story, right here, in this blog, IS changing the world and you WILL change childhood cancer!! You are an amazing mom, don’t read all the asshole comments on here anymore. And if you do, don’t even give them the time of day. Delete them!
    Love & hugs always.

    Reply

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