Tee shirts and Bracelets from our friends at Palmer Cash

 

 

We are in the process of getting some amazing Ronan things made up with our friends at Palmer Cash. In the mean time, you can order the tee’s that are left and Ronan’s bracelets. Here’s the link. Thanks lovies!

http://www.palmercash.com/p-5049-rockstar-ronan-bracelet.aspx

Cowboy Boots and Little Big Baby Steps

 

 

Ronan. 3:30 a.m. like clockwork, I am up. I have been sleeping well still, but it’s at this time that I am up and my mind is racing/missing you so badly that I cannot fall back asleep. I have a ton to do tomorrow, too. Seems like I have been doing a lot lately. I worry that I am not taking enough time to be sad/grieve for you on the days that I am so busy and so productive, that I don’t have time to sit around and cry for you. It feels wrong, but I also understand that in order to change things, Ro, I have to be strong some days. I cannot give in to my grief, everyday. If I did, I would not carry out what it is I am here to do, which is a lot. It is so much that I know I have people around me going…”Yeah, good luck with all that.” I don’t need luck. My luck ran out a long time ago when your disease took a turn for the worst. The only thing I need is the one thing that I have a never-ending supply of. That is passion. Passion for you which is going to get me everywhere. It is going to help me achieve everything that I set out to do for you. It is going to change the face of this disease. I already know this.

Today. I don’t even know what I did. I sat at my Starbucks office for hours. I met your Sparkly for a bit to take a break and to talk to him about some things I have going on this week. I went to him for his advice/insight/let’s play devils advocate. He’s always good for that. I told him my idea/ideas/the few people I have reached out to and who have reached out to me. I smiled a lot today around him which does not happen much. I always seem to be freaking crying. He looked at me and told me, “Look, your pain, this pain, is so much. All of your anger and sadness that you are feeling, it is never going away. But look what is happening. If you can channel it into the right direction, like you are doing, you are going to help so many people. You are going to make a huge difference. I know you can do this. You already are.” Then he made me laugh by saying, “And what in the hell are you wearing today? Your dress, cowboy boots, bright nails, and a smile? You are something else.” I know I am something else, because I am your, mama, Ro. And I know you always loved it when I would wear my dresses and cowboy boots. Little things like that, remind me of you, and make me happy. You would have insisted on wearing your boots, too. And I know your nails would have been painted, just like mine. You loved your fancy nails and my who cares if you are a boy, let’s go get a pedicure date. Maybe by this age, you would have stopped letting me paint your toes, sparkly. I hope not. We always had so much fun doing that together.

I ran home, dropped off my 50 notebooks filled with my evil plans to destroy the world, and went to pick up your brothers from school. I got to hear all about how Quinn gets to go to a pizza party for having so many points for his reading tests and I got to see Liam’s 100% on his spelling test. Little overachievers they are. I thought about how lucky they are, to be alive and living life as it is such a beautiful thing. I don’t think many people realize this. I think so many people, take it for granted. I am reminded of this, every second of every day due to not having you here anymore. It is both a gift and a curse. We got home from school and we did their homework. I got them ready to go to the Suns game with their basketball team as an end of the season treat that they do every year. Your daddy was supposed to go with them, but had your Papa take them instead due to a dinner I had to go to and he wanted to come with me.

Your daddy came home from work and ground rules were laid. “Are you sure about this?” he asked me. I told him that I thought that I was. “How do you know this is the right person, to be talking to?” I just sat and looked at your daddy. “My gut. My instinct. Because I have a feeling and it is a strong feeling. Because I met this person once and something about his eyes, told me I could trust him and that he was a kind, honest, good person who can give me some direction and insight. Because I am following my heart and that has gotten me this far.” We left for dinner. A dinner where we talked about you and some ideas. A dinner where I was told 2 things that I have been learning through out all of this which are, never take no for an answer, because there is always a way, to get a yes. And that word passion came up again. I was told all things are possible, when you have that and you choose to dream really, really big. It was a dinner filled with love, big dreams, big plans, yes you can do this and here is how you get it done, laughter, tears, support, and teamwork. And all of this came from going off a gut feeling that I had. I left that dinner holding on to your daddy’s hand and was reminded that I have the best teammate ever. Him. He looked at me and goes, “Well, what did you think?” I smiled at him and told him I was really glad that I listened to my heart. He told me that he was too. We made some plans on how we will proceed and the steps that need to be taken next. Little, big baby steps I’m calling them. I am trying to keep up, to move slowly, but some very big things are happening that I just have to keep up with. There is no stopping this now, Ronan. Moving forward is the only way to go and I cannot wait to see what you throw my way, next.

It’s 5 a.m. now. I need to try to sleep for a couple of hours. I love you. I miss you. I really, really, hope you are safe. I’m so sorry I can’t take care of you anymore. I am trying to take care of you, down here, there only way I can now. By doing all of this, for you. I won’t let you down. I love you, Ronan. Sweet dreams.

xoxo

Magic Medicine…. Round 5, Day 2

Ronan’s day went pretty well. He slept a lot today and I spent the day cuddled up  beside him. We were both tired from last night. Because he is hooked up to so many fluids to keep him hydrated, he wakes up about every half an hour to pee. He is too proud to wear a diaper and won’t even consider it. That’s my boy:) Mimi Kay came by at 2 and I got to go home. I came home, slept for a couple of hours, and got up right in time to see Liam and Quinn. Woody worked late at the office so I took Liam and Quinn out to Chelsea’s Kitchen for a date night. It was so sweet to spend some time with them. We had a great night together. Mimi is staying the night at the hospital tonight so I can have a little break and spend some time with Woody.  My parents get in tomorrow and I can’t wait to see them. Liam and Quinn do not know that Papa Jim is coming. It is going to be a nice surprise for them.

The nights in the hospital, when I can’t sleep, I spend my time on the computer trying to get the word out about Ronan. I have become obsessed with finding my little guy stylish hats to wear and I stumbled on the most adorable little boy website. The clothes are darling, something that is hard to find when you are looking for boy clothes; and their hats are right up Ronan’s alley. I emailed them last night to tell them I had the perfect model for their hats and wanted to know if they would be up for helping me raise awareness for childhood cancer. I was so surprised this morning when I woke up to an email and a got a phone call from a woman named Denise who is part owner of the company. She was so touched by Ronan’s story and wanted to be involved in any way possible. She then told me she was sending Ronan a huge box of clothes and hats for free. I was not expecting that at all! She also called back to ask if Ronan had brothers because she wanted to send them some things as well. How amazing is that? What  a great company and I am so excited to work with them. I have been emailing the GAP forever now with no response. Go figure. Guess they are too cool to bring awareness to something like childhood cancer. A big thank you to Denise. You have a heart of gold. Take the time to check out their website… if you have little boys, you will fall in love with their clothes. www.foreaxelandhudson.com. I also have a link on the right side of Ronan’s blog that will take you right to it.

I also came home today to find an envelope in the mail from a friend of Woody’s from law school, Marcela. Her little girl just celebrated her 2nd birthday and instead of asking for gifts, Marcela asked everyone to donate to Ronan’s Foundation. I opened up a card with about 10 checks in it. I started bawling after reading the card that everyone had signed and just because of the beauty that came with it. Talk about a selfless thing to do. Marcela, your heart is so beautiful. I knew that from the first time I met you when Woody was in law school. I was so nervous to meet all of his law school friends but I had a connection with you from the beginning. Thank you for being so selfless and knowing what really matters in life. I love you.

The word is spreading about Ronan. As of today, I have 121,098 hits on his blog. His website is coming along. I will be so excited when that is up and running. Thank you to all of you who are getting the word out about our baby boy. He is such a strong little guy and is going to beat this fight, kicking and screaming the entire time. I could not ask for anything more.

Time to go and spend some time with my hubby. Love you all so very much. Thanks to Mimi Kay for giving me a break from the hospital. The time I had with Liam and Quinn tonight was just what I needed. I love you.

xoxo