You belong with me

Ronan. Did you see us tonight? The 4 of us, without you? It’s hard to go to places, just the 4 of us now. I’m always looking for your big blue eyes, I’m always wishing I was scrambling to keep up with your busy little feet that never stood still. I am always expecting to hear your giggles. That Taylor Swift girl. What a girl. I was able to take your Daddy and brothers back out to her concert tonight. We were whisked off for another fairy-tale night. Your brothers were so excited. Your Daddy too. It was beautifully sad, without you. We were taken back in the middle of her concert, to the middle of the venue. The spot that we went last night where Taylor sits on a tree and it spins slowly around while she purrs out some songs. We were inches away from her and her pretty purple dress. She was singing one of her songs, “Fearless.” She locked eyes with me right as those words came across her lips. She held them there until I got teary eyed. I got her message loud and clear. She knows what I have to do. She knows what I’m about to do. All while being fearless. I made a choice to live my life that way, after you passed away. It’s part of my rebirth. I know you know that when you died, I died as well. I’m now here, trying to figure out this life all over again, like I have just been born again. I’m not sure what I’m doing, who I am anymore, but being fearless is one of the character traits I have adopted. You died. I have nothing in my life, to ever fear again. My worst nightmare, came true and I’m still here kicking and fighting. The fact that I have made it this far, means this new life, is only worth living, by being fearless.

When Taylor exited the area where she was singing, she grabbed me, hugged me and told me she was so glad we could come again. I smiled and told her thank you. She bent down and kissed Quinn’s cheek and left a big red kiss on his cheek. There is nothing better than red lips. They have always been a favorite thing of mine. She bent down and did the same thing to Liam and then looked up at your tall Daddy. She hugged him and told him she was so glad he could come, and that she was so sorry. I saw the tears in your Daddy’s eyes. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight. We walked back to our seats with our hearts heavy from missing you so much. We stayed for the rest of the concert. Quinn has his first crush. Woody is smitten too. He loved everything about her and he is such a tough sell when it comes to musicians. He loved every aspect of her performance from the design of the set to Taylor’s amazing talent. As we were driving home, talking about the night, he goes, “She is clearly very intelligent.” If you know my husband, you know that is a HUGE compliment. I replied, “Clearly. Do you have a Taylor Swift crush now?” He laughed and said, “Babe. She’s a young girl.” I winked and told him those young girls are the best kind. I love to give him a hard time for being older than me, even if it is only by a few years.

I’m tired tonight, babydoll. Really tired. I’m on Liam’s top bunk bed with Quinn. He is out like a light. I’m going to cuddle up next to him. Thanks, Miss Taylor, for tonight. We as a family, had a lovely time. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt that way, with just the 4 of us. I love you Ronan. I miss you. I hope you are safe. Sweet dreams my spicy monkey boy.


13 thoughts on “You belong with me”

  1. I’m so glad you were able to have a night like tonight and last night. You deserve it more than anyone I can think of. I know Ro was there with you the whole time. I have a whole new respect for Taylor Swift as well. What an amazing girl.

  2. Thank you Taylor Swift………for opening a new door.
    xo Thompsons, thank you for being strong and opening new doors.
    Nothing will ever be the same because of you. The “good kind” of nothing will ever be the same.
    xo my child.
    Luv, Lynn

  3. I am not a country music fan but have liked some of Taylors music. I am now a Taylor fan. What an AMAZING young woman!! I’m glad you and your family had some moments of happiness…baby steps.

  4. Maya it’s so funny that you should post this tonight. As my sister in law and ithe sat there at Taylo Swift tonight with our two girls, we were watching her head back to the stage from the tree greeting everyone on her way we watched on the giant scteens. And all of a sudden there you were along with your beautiful family, we were in shocked we both looked at eachother and yelled that was Maya. We have never met you but follow you blog faithfully, rooting for you. It was so good to see you, maybe someday we will be lucky enough to meet you!!!

  5. I was in the presence of a rockstar tonight and it wasn’t only Taylor Swift. I saw her in all her PURPLE glory hug your family. I recognized your pictures from this blog. I spent the ride home thinking of you and your spicy monkey. She is a class act and I’m sure recognizes the same when its standing in front of her! We have a Taylor Swift hangover in our house this morning. Hope you are enjoying the same.

  6. I’m so glad the 4 of you enjoyed Taylor.

    I agree with Woody. Taylor us very intelligent and so humble. Love her songs… They speak to you.

    When she sang Last Kiss I thought of you and Ro!

    Peace and strength mama bear!

  7. I liked Taylor Swift before now I love her!!! I am so glad there are people like her! Praying for you and your sweet family today Maya! Love and hugs to you! xoxo

  8. I love, love, LOVE Taylor Swift… always have, even though I am not a country fan whatsoever. Now I love her even more… I could always tell she had a heart of gold and now I am even more convinced. I’m so glad she is listening and aware of your Rockstar Ronan. If anyone is the perfect celebrity face of childhood cancer it’s Taylor. Loved reading this post, it sounds more peaceful and hopeful than I’ve heard you sound in a long time. I’m so happy to hear you have these moments. Rock on!

  9. Maya,
    I read a few different blogs. Today I was reading a “safe” blog. It’s full of beautiful things like birthday parties and family trips. It has pictures of smiling kids and smiling parents.
    But today the “safe”, happy blog, had some bad news. The family’s friend’s two year old was diagnosed to Neuroblastoma. And it reminded me how there is no such thing as a “safe” blog. Childhood cancer is everywhere. You’re doing a great job of raising awareness.

  10. I was at the concert on Saturday night and I knew that was you but wasn’t positive because I had read you went on Friday. I have always loved Taylor but your stories make me love her even more for the person she is! I love your blog and have been a faithful reader for quite some time! That is awesome you and your family had a great time and were able to fully enjoy yourselves! I love your blog, the words you write and the way you inspire people. I love most of all that you are true to yourself and don’t sugar coat anything!!!

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