Ronan. Did you see us tonight? The 4 of us, without you? It’s hard to go to places, just the 4 of us now. I’m always looking for your big blue eyes, I’m always wishing I was scrambling to keep up with your busy little feet that never stood still. I am always expecting to hear your giggles. That Taylor Swift girl. What a girl. I was able to take your Daddy and brothers back out to her concert tonight. We were whisked off for another fairy-tale night. Your brothers were so excited. Your Daddy too. It was beautifully sad, without you. We were taken back in the middle of her concert, to the middle of the venue. The spot that we went last night where Taylor sits on a tree and it spins slowly around while she purrs out some songs. We were inches away from her and her pretty purple dress. She was singing one of her songs, “Fearless.” She locked eyes with me right as those words came across her lips. She held them there until I got teary eyed. I got her message loud and clear. She knows what I have to do. She knows what I’m about to do. All while being fearless. I made a choice to live my life that way, after you passed away. It’s part of my rebirth. I know you know that when you died, I died as well. I’m now here, trying to figure out this life all over again, like I have just been born again. I’m not sure what I’m doing, who I am anymore, but being fearless is one of the character traits I have adopted. You died. I have nothing in my life, to ever fear again. My worst nightmare, came true and I’m still here kicking and fighting. The fact that I have made it this far, means this new life, is only worth living, by being fearless.
When Taylor exited the area where she was singing, she grabbed me, hugged me and told me she was so glad we could come again. I smiled and told her thank you. She bent down and kissed Quinn’s cheek and left a big red kiss on his cheek. There is nothing better than red lips. They have always been a favorite thing of mine. She bent down and did the same thing to Liam and then looked up at your tall Daddy. She hugged him and told him she was so glad he could come, and that she was so sorry. I saw the tears in your Daddy’s eyes. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight. We walked back to our seats with our hearts heavy from missing you so much. We stayed for the rest of the concert. Quinn has his first crush. Woody is smitten too. He loved everything about her and he is such a tough sell when it comes to musicians. He loved every aspect of her performance from the design of the set to Taylor’s amazing talent. As we were driving home, talking about the night, he goes, “She is clearly very intelligent.” If you know my husband, you know that is a HUGE compliment. I replied, “Clearly. Do you have a Taylor Swift crush now?” He laughed and said, “Babe. She’s a young girl.” I winked and told him those young girls are the best kind. I love to give him a hard time for being older than me, even if it is only by a few years.
I’m tired tonight, babydoll. Really tired. I’m on Liam’s top bunk bed with Quinn. He is out like a light. I’m going to cuddle up next to him. Thanks, Miss Taylor, for tonight. We as a family, had a lovely time. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt that way, with just the 4 of us. I love you Ronan. I miss you. I hope you are safe. Sweet dreams my spicy monkey boy.