Ronan. It’s 3 a.m. I’ve been tossing and turning all night long. No amount of Ambien will help. I walk past your room. Did somebody come and steal you in the middle of the night? You’re not here. Somebody must have kidnapped you, because the thought of you dying of cancer is just too far fetched. I must be dreaming. Did I really just spend the last 8 months in hospitals with you, only to have you disappear? How can that be??
Your bed is perfectly made. I crawl in it. I sob uncontrollably. Please let me wake up from this nightmare. I’m tired of being in hell. Please don’t let me be in this empty room without you. I can’t stand being apart from you. Please don’t let this tortured life drag on without you. I can’t take it. It’s too much.
Nothing is better. Please come back. All of your toys are just sitting here, waiting for you. I’m just sitting here, waiting for you. I’ll wait forever. I don’t know what to do without you. Nobody gets it. Nobody understands, except you. I try to think of you, happy. But I know you’re not. You are not happy because we are apart, and that was not how this was supposed to be. We were supposed to be together, always; until it was my time to go, not yours.
Where are you? What are you doing? Who is taking care of you? Who watches you sleep at night? Who makes sure you brush your teeth? It’s not me anymore. I can’t take not being that person for you. I was your everything and you were mine. How am I supposed to move forward, without you, Ro? I’m trying so hard, but everyday I wind up feeling as if I’m being left behind.
I miss you so much. Please come home. I love you, Ro. I hope you are safe.