FUCK YOU MOTHER FUCKING CANCER


Text to Mr. Sparkly Eyes tonight: “I don’t know much about life; although I pretend like I do. I know almost nothing about death…. but I am about to learn about it in a very hard way. I don’t think R is going to be around much longer.” I often find myself thinking my truest thoughts and sharing them with him. Those were my thoughts tonight. I don’t like my thoughts, but they cannot be ignored. I wish I could tell you all that Ronan had the best day ever. But that would be a lie. I wish I could tell you I didn’t have to hold my husband as we cried about our son together. But that would be a lie too. I wish I didn’t have to tell you a lot of things about today. But I’m going to anyway.

Auntie Karen picked us up for the clinic at PCH. I saw Dr. Adams as soon as we walked through the doors and gave her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek. The look in that woman’s eyes say so much. She knows it all, and I can read her without her having to say a word. I didn’t like what I saw today; but her eyes cannot lie and I could tell she knows what is about to come.

At the clinic, Ronan’s labs were drawn and we were waited on hand and foot by our sweet nurse, Patty the entire day. I did end up sneaking out for about an hour to go to my twins’ Mother’s Day Tea. Bethany met me a the clinic to sit with me and ended up driving me to the boys’ school as there is no way I am capable of driving these days due to my lack of concentration. I cannot tell you how hard it was for me to be there today as all I could focus on was the thought of being away from Ronan and the reality that I had to go back to. My twins were so happy to have me there so it made it all worth it. I would walk through fire for them. I left there with my nerves shot but my dear friend, Melissa, said I put on a great show. She drove me back to PCH as soon as I walked in and saw the look on Woody’s face, I knew something was wrong.

All of Ronan’s levels were out of whack and his platelets and blood were low as well. He was transfused, and Dr. Eshun came in to tell us that Ronan’s liver enzymes were also high, which could mean that his liver is failing. If this is the case, Ronan will not be eligible for the trial over in San Diego. As of now, we cannot do anything except sit and wait to have his labs redrawn on Monday, to see if maybe it was a fluke and his liver was just off due to Ronan being dehydrated and pumped full of nothing but medicine. I am trying my best to get him to drink for me and we pumped him full of fluids today.

After Woody and I found out that Ronan may not be eligible for the trial anymore we went into one of the rooms in the clinic and both sat and just stared at each other. I remember blurting out things like, “How could his happen to him, to us, what did we do wrong, he is so perfect…. why him???” I remember Woody saying something crazy like he should not have been a lawyer, he should have been a doctor so he could fix Ronan. We cried and tried to put together another “plan.” I feel like Woody is almost more knowledgable than most doctors about this disease. He emailed Dr. Eshun about some phase 1 study that he had heard about and asked if he would do it at PCH for us if San Diego falls through. Woody left shortly after he sent the email and I went back into the room where Auntie Karen was waiting to sit with Ronan. I sat on the floor and rubbed his little legs and cried. I emailed Dr. Eshun and begged him to please help us as he has no idea how much we love our little boy and we cannot lose him. He came to see me shortly after and said of course he would help us if he could. He will do the study that Woody recommended if that is what we wish. We are desperate at this point.

We had a long day at the clinic and I vaguely remember Marisa and Danielle coming by. They sat in the waiting area most of the time due to Ronan kicking them out of the room we were in. It was comforting to me to just have them there to give me a hug. Best girls ever. We then returned to The Ryan House. Ronan was pretty tired from his long day out, as was I.

~ It’s now morning. Didn’t get to finish this last night due to being so tired and just wanting to hold Ronan. It’s early, and he just woke up and asked me for some milk. His wish is my command. Little bug.

Last night, after our long day, I was feeling in desperate need to talk to my therapist. I knew I couldn’t leave Ronan and make the drive out to her office though as it’s in North Scottsdale and I just didn’t feel comfortable with being so far away from Ronan. I asked if she could come her and see me. Without any hesitation, she said she would come after her last appointment. I could not have been more thankful. We sat at The Ryan House for almost 2 hours for my “session,” which just felt more like talking to a really insightful friend. I cried a little bit, but told her how numb and in shock I am…. how I don’t really feel anything yet. She said as of now, I couldn’t be any other way. I’m in survival mode, full force. I told her my fears about how alone I’m going to feel without Ronan. How I had always felt a little lost my entire life until he came along. He tied our family together so perfectly. I told her how I don’t know what I’m going to do without him if he does have to leave. I am going to feel so lost without him to look after. That child is my whole world. And I am so, so, scared to be without him as he is my other half. Sarah talked a lot about something surrounding me….. she called it peace at first but we then decided that wasn’t the right word. I’m still not sure what it is, but I feel it too. It helped talking to her last night and she gave me the best advice as far as what the fuck I am supposed to do next. We decided I can only take things hour by hour now. And if I don’t know what else to do, don’t do anything. That’s the best I’m going to do at this point.

After she left, I went into full on panic mode. Ronan does not look well. Woody and I have some hard decisions to make as far as where we want Ronan to be. I have said it before, but all I want is Ronan home where he wants to be. This baby has lived the last 8 months inside hospitals. All he wants is to be home and it is making me sick to my stomach that I cannot give him at least that. As beautiful as this place is here, he thinks it is a hospital and it is breaking my heart. He deserves to be home and if we can make it happen, we are going to. Woody said he felt silly for asking me this last night, but he wanted to know what I wanted for Mother’s Day. I told him nothing, but actually I know what I want more than anything. I just want to take Ronan home. If we don’t get to have him much longer, all I want is for him to be at the place he loves more than anywhere else in the world. If only it were that simple.

Gotta go loves. Ro is up. Have a good day.

xoxo

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108 thoughts on “FUCK YOU MOTHER FUCKING CANCER

  1. rosemary

    i’m gonna try my hardest to get you to laugh. sometimes it helps me out.
    i have 2 kids. they both dont like to sleep during the night. i call them my vampires. okay i dont know how this is funny but i was gonna type that my vampire kids are gonna fly over to you guys and they’ll bite him that way he lives forever and he’s there with you forever too. and they’ll bite your friends, family. that way no one in your life leaves your side.

    changing the subject- i am glad that he asked you for milk. as you typed that he’s probably dehydrated cuz of all the meds and that you’re having a hard time getting him to drink. do you have sippy cups about star wars? put some pedialyte mixed with whatever he wants to drink. that should help him be less dehydrated.
    i am still crossing my fingers for him to survive.

    keep strong. and remind yourself ronan aint going away at all. he aint dying. he aint. he is gonna live. he is gonna beat this cancer.

  2. Laura

    I can not even find words to say, just know that all of ou love goes out to your family. Do whatever you need to do to make his moments the best for him and you all. Know that we are there in thoughts and prayers for whatever you need. Ronan is a Yoda, wise beautiful way beyond his years.
    Just eternal love to your entire family on the journey.

  3. amanda

    We are all better people because of what you and Ronan have taught us about life and love. Thank you!

  4. amy

    Thought about you and Ronan all night, thank you for the update this morning. Sorry yesterday wasn’t what you hoped for, but stay strong and do what is in your heart. I can only wish and pray that I could be the woman and mother you are – sending prayers every minute of every day. Drink lots today lil Rockstar – make mommy smile!

  5. Cheryl

    My dear Maya…I have no words for you that will make this situation any easier on anyone. I am still praying for that miracle. Keep fighting, as I know you will. I hope his liver results were a fluke, and the next results will allow for the. study. Your family remains in my prayers. xoxo

  6. sara

    sending all the love in the world to you. we are all making your wish our own on this mother’s day!

  7. patricia scalise

    i fucking hate this…………..no way is this anything that resembles fair……it stinks…
    i would trade my life for your ronan’s in a second….he has
    stolen my heart

  8. angie

    keep holding your baby tight! you know whats best, i cant really find the right words when i write as i sit tearing up reading every word and feeling every emotion a mother could feel, how i wish God would change this all for you! IM so sorry your baby is going thru all this BULLSHIT! yesterday as my kids were being little brats and i wanted to yell and tell them to STOP, i stopped myself and thought honestly, i should be so grateful to hear them bicker , be loud , laugh and fight! I really stopped and thought about you and Ronan and i just couldn’t bring myself to tell them NO more, i thought i should just be thankful for the simple things! Maya i think of you and Ronan daily and i tell your story to as many people as i can tell! I pray everyday for a miracle for your baby Ronan, you two are always in my thoughts and prayers EVERYDAY! I so wish i could take all your pain and toss it and make it all better for your whole family! you ALL now have a very special place in my heart as well as the world! Remember miracles can and do happen! Sending as much love and compassion as my heart can possibly give!

    1. Trish

      Marquita, your prayers on this blog have helped me strengthen my relationship with God over all these months and I just feel I need to tell you that. I haven’t seen your lofty prayers here in a few days and I wanted you to know that in addition to Ronan and the Thompson’s, I said a prayer for you xoxo

      1. Marquita Ward

        Also, thank you for your prayers, you are indeed blessed in serving God this way. May He continue to smile on you in many different ways.

    2. Timi Rutter

      As do many others. I thought what I went through with my daughter was hard. This doesn’t even compare. I don’t think I’ve even seen Maya since Jr. High…and my heart breaks the way it would for my sister. My entire family (4 & 7 year old girls included) are praying for Ronan. Mark, you are amazing, and always have been. Keep on praying!

  9. Glenda

    Mama bear I’m lost for words. My heart is aching for you, Ro and Woody. Praying for peace and strength and hoping you can get Rockstar Ronan home where he belongs. Xo

  10. Nicole

    Continuing to send you love and prayers, every hour of everyday. You and Woody are the best parents in the world. Through your words and your fight with Ronan, you have made the world aware. I know that you will accomplish some very big things to fight this evil disease.

  11. Patty Colson

    Dear Maya,
    This is beyond heartbreaking. I am so very sorry for this road you are all being forced to take. I read your blog faithfully and have been brought to tears repeatedly following little Ronan’s struggles.
    I have gratefully been spared having to watch any of my children suffer like this, but I did lose my beloved husband and high school sweetheart to cancer and was forced to witness his painful two year struggle firsthand. I thought my love, our love could/WOULD save him. In the end he asked to be allowed to go gently at home with me by his side. I was honored, (though admittedly scared) to let him die in an enviroment he so loved. It was hard and I was afraid, knowing it was happening in real life time, but his actual death was really peaceful. Almost spiritual, and I am not a religious person really. Even so, his death at 54 shattered my heart into sharp shards of glass. After four years I will say it does not really get easier. Death solved none of MY pain, though it did relieve his. There will be brokeness after. You are right to expect and anticipate that Maya.
    You have the twins to consider of course. Would it overwhelm them to have Ro pass in “their” home? All my children were grown when we made our choice, so it was an easier decision for us. Hospice did come in, but only twice before he left me. There can be peace in having him in a familiar comforting place for that moment. I only bring this up because I know that was a scary choice for me, but it was the perfect choice for us. Don’t disregard the importance of Ro being home where he feels most loved and comforted. Hospice can offer stronger drugs to accomplish comfort from his pain, and they are very respectful that the choices of how often they come and what pallative care he receives will still be the family’s choice. I believe if that is the choice you and Woody make the hospital, your doctors and hospice will pull a strong team together to support you in that decision. Bottom line is: It IS your choice to make, and IS possible if or when you get to that point.
    Having said that, please know: I pray with you that this is not the end of the road for your beautiful baby. I pray that he regains strength and is pain free. I PRAY THAT THEY WILL FIND ANOTHER AVENUE OF HOPE FOR A CURE FOR RONAN.
    But if that is not to be, I pray for his peaceful passing and a measure of comfort for your family in knowing you fought every inch of the way and never hesitated to do so in his name.
    My Prayers and Heart, with the Thompson family
    .

  12. Jaime Harris

    so so sorry for all the pain you’re feeling and for your family as well. just so unfair. praying for Ronan. praying non stop for you all, praying, praying, praying!

  13. Nicole

    One more thing about- we have had the dryest days on record in Phoenix lately. Humidity has been at 2%. that could make Ro’s dehydration even worse. Love to you.

  14. amy neiss

    sending you lots of love and positive energy. thinking of you and your family. we are friends with joy solon & she has always posted your blog on her fb page, we have followed ronan’s story & have kept you in our thoughts and prayers and will continue to do so. xoxo amy, gary, harrison & holly neiss

  15. Jen

    Holding you very closely in prayer and encircling your family in love. I thought I would share a poem from david m bailey, a brain cancer victim, who lived with cancer for 14 years, but passed away this past October. He has some amazing songs and poems.

  16. mom of three

    prayers, hugs, love and peace to you and your family. God Bless you all and may He give you all the strength you need to get through this more than difficult time.

    These quotes reminded me of you:

    “I am only one, but still I am one.
    I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something I can do.” ~ Edward Everett Hale

    “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.~ Eleanor Roosevelt

    1. Jen

      Most people say ‘There are no words’, I think Fuck you Cancer is the only fitting comment. I read the notice on FB about your sweet boy. My daughter is battling Tcell Lymphoma/Leukemia and I sobbed while reading your blog. If you feel compelled to put down your anger for a second to rest, be comforted knowing a mom who is living the fight is feeling it for you. There are no words of comfort and I couldn’t begin to tell you what I feel for you- and I know that doesn’t help either. 😦

  17. Michelle

    I too like many others wait at night for your post. First thing when i woke up I said to my husband there was no post last night…. Then I checked my phone and there it was. I am sorry that yesterday was not a better day. Thompson family you are in my thoughts and prayers all day everyday! You are such a strong beautiful family and we love you for that. ( I don’t even know you but feel like I do and can just tell this about you guys through this blog) Stay strong and follow your hearts!
    Maya I sincerely hope you get your mothers day wish and get to spend it with your beautiful baby at home!
    Michelle

  18. Karen

    I’m holding your Family close to my heart and praying very strongly for a miracle..dont loose hope with all my love and prayer’s have a blessed mother’s day and everyday!

  19. Jennifer Hammond

    I knew Woody back when he was at the Public Defender’s and saw him in court yesterday. I just wanted to tell you my thoughts are with you and I’m rooting for Ronan and your family. Your blog is so inspiring and at the same time heartbreaking. You both seem like such great people and a wonderful couple. It shouldn’t be happening to your little boy or to you guys. Fuck fucking cancer.

  20. doug Mccarthy

    Keep positive i no how it feels i lost my boy from a brain tumor we spent his hole life in the hospital and his b day is coming up this month i just started hearing about ronan my hart goes out to him and i wil be following him love him and everyone around you

    doug

  21. gina dondero-haynie

    i put the blog up on my facebook. i hope you don’t mind….. i just have always thought that if the universe could all feel at the same time, maybe things could change. i want this to change!!!!! xoxo

  22. Renae C.

    Mamma Maya, continue to fight! We are still praying for a miracle! P.U.S.H….. With all of the light, love, and prayers!

  23. J

    no words are coming to my mind. Just that I love your little family. I send big bear hugs, holding you tight. A shoulder to cry on and much TLC for your little warrior–fight little man fight!!! we’re fighting this with you in mind, spirit, thoughts and prayers.Let Freedom Ring….

  24. Alyssa Crews

    Praying the liver enzymes are normal Monday and Ro can get the treatments in San Diego. For Mother’s Day I want you to have Ronan smiling and feel good all day long. And hoping you get whatever they can work out to keep his pain controlled, fluids and all he needs all at home. I’m sure he wants to be home. Wishing with all my might your baby can stay here with you forever. Believing. Sending love….
    Alyssa Crews
    COLE Prayer Team

  25. Sandra Brown

    Again, I find myself reading your wonderful, insightful blog and hoping the best for all of you and your family. You will know when it is time to take him home. Listen to him and to your heart, and you will know.

  26. Shannon Hubbel

    Maya and Woody, I think of you all all the time. I look for your updates all the time and hope that Ronan is doing well.

    My heart is with you all and all I wish I could do is just be there to hug you and hold your hand as you all walk this journey even though I don’t know you!

    http://www.emilyhubbel.com

    Lots of love sent your way.
    Shannon

  27. Nicole Billa

    This morning I taught a Yoga class to a small group of all women. At the end we sat in a circle to chant. I asked that they pray for you and we all sang to hold you up. We know that Ronan is being cared for with such utter and complete love, so we prayed for you and that you sill continue to have the strength you need.
    (Please don’t think the following means I think Ro will die. I still believe in him and in you and your family and in miracles.)
    After class a woman came up to me. (I get it now- I see why I met her today.) She told me how she helped her brother with his passing on from leukemia last year. She said she is so eager to share her story with others- she is looking for places to speak so that she can share her experience. She wants people to know they do not have to be afraid.
    Take him home if that is what your heart tells you to do. Let his brothers be with him if they want to be. They will let you know if it is too much.
    Will be praying for you constantly.

  28. Farrah

    Sending all of my prayers and love your way. Please know that we all love Ronan, and you Maya, and Woody, Liam, and Quinn, and everyone else on your team. Lots and lots of love among friends & strangers. All because of Ronan. Amazing to think of, all the different people that love you all, some that you know and are close by, and others you’ll never meet and that are on the other side of the country. Ronan is bringing together a whole world of people. Please know that we all support whatever decisions you make for Ronan’s care. You know best!

  29. Tanya

    Take him home Maya. Give him everything he wants and just hold him, love him, and when it’s his time to go, kiss him, but don’t say goodbye. You will see him again one day, and he will pain free. I’m still praying for your miracle. Gosh, I am praying so hard. Harder than I ever prayed for anyone! What’s his favorite holiday? Give that to him. If it’s Christmas, celebrate it.
    Holding on to any hope left,
    Tanya

  30. Deb Gilbert

    I just read your Blog & am crying from the inside of my heart, out!!! I don’t know you or Ronan, but feel as tho I do ~ I’m praying for your Mother’s Day Wish to come true & still praying for a Miracle!

    L♥VE }}}}
    ~Deb~

  31. Shari

    Dear Maya,
    You don’t know me, but I feel I know you through your blog. I can’t express the heaviness I feel in my heart as I read your gripping words.
    I am not a very religious person, but I am praying for your family. I wish you continued strength, hope and peace as you continue this painful journey.

  32. Ananda Dasi Nicole Billa

    love is the one thing that never dies. it is the gift that cannot be taken away, or stolen, or lost. it is with us forever and ever, although sometimes it takes the form of a pain that seems unbearable.
    you are not alone.
    all over the country there are people praying for you and loving you although we may not have met in person.
    we are with you and praying for you every minute.

  33. Dawn

    I will always keep you in my prayers for strength and peace.
    When you mentioned mothers day…..I want you to have the best mothers day with your children near your side. Hang out in bed all day and eat all of your favorite foods. I also was trying to think of an appropriate gift that your husband and boys could give you this year…….I know you hate leaving Ronans side. Maybe your husband can arrange for a massage therapist to come to the house and give you an hour or 2 hour massage so you have time to refuel and still be near your sweet boy Ronan.
    I am amazed at your strength- please keep pulling from all of us we are all here for you even if we have never met.
    xoxoxoxoxoxo

  34. Annie Johnson

    I don’t know how to say this without it sounding weird but…….Ronan has to get better. I feel like in this life, there will always be a little piece of empty in me if I never got a chance to meet him. I don’t know why or how, but somewhere along the way I just fell in love with your son. The way you speak of him, he just sounds so wonderful. I can’t stop crying, your blogs make me feel so connected to your family. Thank you so much for sharing this journey.

  35. Tracy Paul (Ms, not mister)

    I don’t know you. You don’t know me. Your blogs are so perfect, I hate them. But you are facing and then sharing the truth about the pain and the suffering and (ultimately) the death of the love of your life. And as long as you are willing to reach out to others and see what comes back, I plan to care. If I can do nothing else, I can do that. Ronan and you and your lovely twins and your husband and the rest of your family and all your dear friends are in my heart and soul. Does that matter? I really don’t know. I hope it matters. I hope that your expressions of love for your son will infect the world with concern for Ronan’s wellbeing. I hope you kick that mother fuckin cancer to the moon!

  36. Jan Bassier

    My sweet daughter-in-law, Maria Sari Bassier, connected me with your story. I’ve been wearing a purple bracelet from Chaseafterthecure.com to remind me to pray for you. Your family and little Ronan, have touched my life deeply. I know you know strangers are praying for you – there’s a bunch in northeastern Nevada doing that. Hold tight – you are making the right choices as you go. My heart aches for you all.

  37. Erica Greene

    You don’t know me. I am a friend of Charisma’s and she has been keeping me posted about your baby boy for months. Last week she gave me an update and posted the link to your blog. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know there is nothing I can do-but if I could I would. I feel like I know you all. When I read your posts I can see Ronan’s little face. No mother deserves this. And no little boy does either. Sending so much love and praying for a miracle.

  38. SUSAN

    Praying for a Mother’s day miracle! May God surround you sweet boy and lay His healing hands on him. Please Lord remove the sickness from Ronan as only You can do. Give his family rest and some sort of comfort.

    Believing for a miracle! Hug

    1. Terri

      Dearest Maya,

      You and Woody are an amazing couple, focused on every viable road to travel for your beautiful baby. Many would crumble but not the Thompsons and I admire your strength and love so very much. I continue to pray and pray and pray for you all. I have fallen for Ronan through your words and your love. Those eyes…

  39. Laura K

    Praying for and thinking of Ronan and your family every moment. I’m not surprised by other people posting the same sentiments I have had; I just feel something bigger is at hand when I read your blog and the responses. Happy Mother’s Day, Maya–you really set the bar to an impossible high and your boys are so lucky to have you.

  40. Brandee

    Maya
    You are the best mom in the whole world! Rockstarmaya is gonna fuck cancer up!!! We are with you all the time fighting for Ronan! I will never give up on your baby boy! Praying every minute for a miracle! (((HUGS)))

  41. Jay's Mom

    Thank you for saying everything in your blog I wish I could tell the world. My son is 4 and has a terminal disorder as well, MeCP2 duplication. Your blog captures the reality. Thank you for having the strength to do this. Thinking good thoughts for Ronan.

  42. Elizabeth

    I found myself thinking of you more often than usual today and I just wanted to let you know. I pray for you and for Ronan and for your family and I just have so much faith that our little rockstar is going to be healthy. I call him ours because you have chosen to share him with all of us and for that I could never thank you enough. As I head to bed I pray that you are all resting peacfully tonight wrapped in the love that surrounds you all.
    Sending love and hugs your way!

  43. Maria

    Maya, I was reading my ebible tonight after praying for Ro, I came accross this and had to share…
    Job 12:22 NLT

    “He uncovers mysteries hidden in darkness;

    he brings light to the deepest gloom.

    I asked God to speak to me thru scripture and this is what he said…..now im sure Ro is going to receive his miracle.
    I told the lord that Ro is needed so much on Earth…as he has already touched so many lives. Heaven is going to have to wait for this angel because we need him more.
    #TeamRonan
    Xoxo
    Cant wait to read about Ro tonight

  44. carrie ball

    I am so sad to hear about today. I wish I could change it. Ronan, I am praying very very hard and thinking about you and your family constantly. I don’t understand why this is happening, it angers me too, I just want you to be better. I know your Mommy is having such a hard time with Mother’s Day tomorrow and her only wish is for you to be all better. No words can express how much I am sending love your way. Your Mom and Dad are the most wonderful parents you could have and I hope tomorrow is better and you all can celebrate as a family. God Bless sweetheart.
    Carrie

  45. marta burga

    Maya:

    I am praying for Ronan, God can do the impossible, I pray for a miracle.

    I wanted to give you the name of this special priest in Chicago, who has prayed and witnessed many miracles of healing. His name is Father Rookey, (708)748-6279, email; you can send a prayer request and he will pray with you. http://www.frrookeyicm.org.

    he is lovely, please call the office and ask to speak to him, if you are opened to it.

    I will be praying for your family and especially Ronan.

    marta

  46. Angie Anderson

    Dearest little Ro and Thompson family…
    Still thinking of you and praying for you. My heart goes out to you, as do my prayers. None of us understand why it happens to our babies. I feel like my 8 year old when I say this, but it isn’t fair. Neuroblastoma is a bitch. We are at the beginning of our fight with it….I pray that Ronan’s liver levels stablize and you can do the treatments in San Diego.

    http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/wyattanderson

  47. Rosemary S.

    Here I am God.
    May 8 is my birthday.
    May 8 is also Mother’s Day.
    My wish, hope and prayer goes fully
    for Ronan.
    May Ronan be filled with love, light and happiness.
    May Ronan be filled completely with good health for his earthly healing.
    Bless this family.
    In His name, Amen.

  48. Kara S

    Wishing you peace, love and lots if good snuggles this Mothers Day!
    Our thoughts and prayers are with you,
    Todd, Kara, Addie and Sadie

  49. Nicole

    I think about your family and you throughout my day praying it is good day for you, thelove you feel for ro has reached so far and wil touch me forever keep hoping and fighting as only a mother can and know we are all doing the same around the world.

  50. Lisa

    Maya,
    My prayers during Mass were for our Blessed Mother to give you strength. My thoughts are with you today.

  51. Suba

    On this mother’s day, I want to wish one of the greatest, strongest mother. My heart goes out to you for the ordeals of your life. I wish I could remove all the pains. I pray that you get to have your mother’s day wish. Spend it with your 4 precious ones. Love you.

  52. Glenda

    Thinking of you and hopng you’re snuggled up with rockstar ro the twins and woody. Hope you have a happy mother’s day filled with much love and snuggles! Sending ro kisses. Xxoo

  53. Dawn

    I am praying that Ronan’s lab tests come back normal so he can start treatment tomorrow. I find myself thinking and praying for him and your whole family several times throughout the day. You are never far from my thoughts. I hope and pray that the five of you are able to all be together this Mother’s Day and every one hereafter.

  54. Therese in Ireland

    This Mother’s Day, Ronan and all of you are all that is on my mind. I pray to God that you had a better day today, that you had some quality time with your beautiful boy and that peace and comfort reign. This is beyond heartbreaking. Love and prayers for strength to you all.

  55. Kate

    Just thinking about you all day today Maya. I am praying you are all hanging in there, even if my a thread, and that Ronan is able to get the treatment tomorrow. Love and hugs and support for you and your beautiful family.

  56. Jenn

    I found this site through facebook and have been following it like crazy.

    My mother has a friend who is an Iradologist (spelling). I know it’s not scientifically proven or anything, but the woman cured herself of cancer using only natural things at a point when she was told there was no hope. She is in Canada, north of Toronto and I will give you her email address if you would like (email me). I have no idea at all if this would work, but it sounds like you are willing to try anything. You wouldn’t need to come to Toronto or anything, just talk to her over the phone.

    Also, again, sorry to sound like a total quack, but have you thought of having an energy healer come and see Ronan (for reike or healing touch). They could help with the pain, which could be good for the healing.

    I am thinking about you in Toronto.

  57. CB

    We went throigh this 20 uears ago. Still to this day my biggest regret was that my daughter died in a hospital room. I held her but still, instead of being able to live her last days as a family it turned into waiting for her death.
    If it comes to it definately think about what will make him and you the happiest. It’s all you really have.

  58. julie glenn

    Maya….I only want to wish you a Happy Mother’s Day as sad as you might be but because of the awesome mother you have been to not only “RO” but to your twins. I prayed for you at church today and wished that your boy could come home to make your Mother’s Day the best present in the world for you…..stay strong sweet lady as your twins and husband need you, too…..you are truly amazing.

  59. Marie Brigman

    Can’t stop thinking about you. I’m hoping “no news is good news”….Happy Mothers Day Maya (Please, I pray you are having a good mothers day) xoxoxo

  60. sonia

    happy mother’s day to the toughest most bad ass mom i “know”. i hope you got everything you wished for and had a great day with your 3 boys.

  61. miriam w.

    I found your web site through my good friend cari on facebook, you don’t know me but I have been following your story and thinking and praying for you and your family constantly. i am sending you love and good vibes, hoping the tests come out favorably today and that he gets the treatment….. sending love love love and more love to ronan.

  62. Marcy

    I just landed here in Phoenix traveling for work. The person next to me must think I’m crazy because I started crying. I feel so close to Ronan right now since I’m in your city. I pray the lack of update for a couple days is very good news! Hoping, hoping, hoping! I’ll continue to pray hard for that miracle that is needed right now!! My love goes out to your entire family!

  63. Kate

    Just checking on you guys. We’ve been checking for updates on your blog constantly and are worried because we haven’t heard if your beautiful boy is ok. I’m assuming you are just trying to handle everything and trying to make your little boy happy. I know how full your hands are!!! Still praying for you guys and believing in Ronan’s miracle.

  64. Kimberly Hoffpauir

    Our thoughts are with your family and Ronan. My heart is heavy for you. I know there is no comfort for a mother. “When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” ~Kahlil Gibran

  65. Gina

    Just read Ronan’s facebook page and my heart is broke. So sorry, my prayers are with you all. He has made me a better person and I’ll never forget him.

  66. carrie ball

    I am just thinking about you, hoping and praying it is a better day, we love you and are constantly thinking about you feeling better and mom and dad and brothers having a good day together. Much love to you sweet Ronan and all your family~!

    Carrie-AZ

  67. Donna Brooks

    What to say? Only how much I pray Ronan could be healed and on his way home. Praying, hoping and not giving up for him. Surrounding you with love and hugs.
    Donna

  68. Erika

    Holding little Ronan in my heart and praying for peace and comfort for you and your family.

    Know you are doing what you were put on this planet to do by being so strong for your son. You’re going to the earth’s ends to minimize his suffering and giving him in four years more love than most people get in a lifetime.

    Thank you for sharing his story with us. It’s utterly transforming and makes Ronan’s life a gift to so many of us who don’t even know him.

    Going to go hug my boys now, something they’re sure to get more of every day because of you.

  69. Sonia

    I just read the announcement that the Layla Grace Foundation made. My heart is breaking for you and your family. I am so so so very sorry.

  70. Alison

    Maya, you don’t know me but we have a mutual friend. After reading your blog, my heart breaks with you. I promise you, mom to mom, that I will help raise awareness and look to find a cure for this horrible disease. No family should ever have to go through this. I admire your strength through these trying times and pray for your baby.

  71. Nancy

    I am so sorry. I can not even begin to understand the pain you are in.
    Ronan has shed his body and all the physical pain with it. Today, he runs.
    I truly am so very sorry the worlds loss. Very Cool Kid!

  72. Lisa

    Maya~I am so sorry for ur pain, I wish I could tell u things will get better but, its not something a mother would say who has lost a son to cancer also. I live everyday in fear,guilt,pain and just in auto pilot mode. It’s been ten years and honestly, I just cant put into words anything that has found comfort for me or my husband to share with u. Other than keep talking about Ronan.. He will never be forgotten, and know that you did ur best and u are so awesome of a mom!

  73. Marcy

    FUCK YOU CANCER!!!!!! You stole a beautiful boy from this world! How could you?????????? I HATE YOU CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!! I just heard the news on Layla Grace’s site…..I just don’t understand! I followed other childhood cancer stories and somehow was able to deal with those but this one I just can’t. I don’t get it! Maya, I know you are struggling like I can’t even imagine right now, but I’m going to cont. to pray for you bc I feel like it’s the only power I have right now. God bless your family in this HORRIFIC time.

  74. Mclaughlin family

    Ronan truly is a rockstar! We hurt and grieve with your family! We feel so close to all Of you through this difficult time as we have been praying non stop. You have no idea how many lives this little stud has touched as he will never be forgotten!!

  75. Beth

    Oh Maya…I’m so sorry to hear about the passing of your sweet baby Ronan. I’m really at a loss for words…how could anything bring comfort to
    your heart and soul at this very sad time. Please know that your blue eyed
    babe will be in my memory and heart forever. I make this committent to you that i will help you find a cure for this fucking horrible disease that is stealing our children from us! And when we find it then we will know that Ro didn’t die in vain! Your courage, strenghth, love, understading,
    deterimation, faith and kindness is astounding! You are amazing and you will all do great things in Ronans name. I saw this quote today and thought of you You both “Some people dream of angels, they got to hold one”. Praying so hard as you begin your journey with out Ronan. Please know that so many people from all over the world have been praying for you all…remember you are loved and most importantly you are a warrior and you have the strenghth and power to get through this gifriend! xo

  76. Elana

    I don’t know you but I’ve been praying for your family. My heart is broken for you and I have no words to say to you except that your Ronan is so absolutely beautiful and I’m SO SORRY.

  77. Mia

    your heart has touched mine, not in the sense of oh I know, I know what you are going through yet the sense that it is real and that possible your days turn into nights and a week goes by and all you can remember is anger, and yet you wonder about the anger and once again you attempt to get your mind around the reality and it doesn’t come. for… it still hasn’t come, my brother will be with me forever, I see him daily, he inspires me in many moments throughout the day yet… he passed Sept. 22, 2006. I too asked him to stay, to stay until he we could celebrate his birthday and to stay so that we could talk and remember our lives together. Lance is his name and he tought me more about life than any human could ever begin to touch the surface of being human and living in the beauty of ones soul. He taught me how to fly, he flew through the neighborhoods with his arms out and the engines roaring, he taught me about how to say fuck you to people who really didn’t understand, yet… to love them even though they were ignorant. My brother passed of lung cancer at the age of 44, he had a tramatic childhood as did I, yet we triumphed over each and every hurdle that came our way. You see he became schizophrenic when he was 18 and the roles changed, it took a few years but he finally let me back in and instead of him telling me to run, I was telling him. We have a connection that will never end, no one really knows and nobody ever will. My love I send out to you, my humanity still gets in the way, thank you for all that you have given the world in your writing.

  78. Francis Mcgovern

    Keep on marching, show life you wont take it’s shit. Sometimes I’ve thought that when you are dying if you fight all the way then even if you die your spirit will keep on fighting until you’re okay. Blessings to you and may you find peace and get well
    .

  79. Diane Kearns

    I have been foloowing your blog for a few months now and I am in awe of your strength courage. You are truly an inspiration to so many. My question is, Who is mr. Sparkly eyes? He is obviously a very importatn part of your life as he is always there for you, but I don’t remember reading how he is related to you.

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