Today was a lovely day indeed. My mom woke up super early (5 a.m. PST) to get down to Sloan to donate her platelets to Ronan. It took a couple of hours and it was so nice of her to do. She showed up at the hospital around 10:30… close to the same time as Trish who came armed with Starbucks for me. We sat and played with Ronan for some time and then I left for my daily “shower,” among other things. Trish and I returned to the RMH and put on our running clothes to do my Central Park run. It was a gloomy, cold, and absolutely perfect running weather kind of day. At least for me. I love nothing more than running on a cold day. We were about 4 miles in and I was in the middle of texting Niki to let her know we were close by her place. She bundled up the kids, put them in the stroller and met us on 81st. We walked down into Central Park and let the kids run around and play in some big piles of dirt. They were in heaven. I was in kiddie heaven just being with them and my 2 good friends. Little Wesley even took my hand and held it as we were walking down the sidewalk. It meant so much to me walking and holding hands with my little friend. I was just sad that Ronan wasn’t there to see this. He would have loved everything about today. We still have some time to play with our friends if he gets discharged this weekend. Praying to those ANC gods. I am going to be shocked if he does not have an ANC by tomorrow. He looks so good and is acting like the Ronan I knew before he had cancer. So loving, funny, sassy, and a little wild.
After Trish and I did our little pit stop to see our friends, we headed off to continue our run. I was on fire today…. it was the best run I’ve had in a couple of weeks. I felt as if I could have run forever. We finished at 8 miles and it felt amazing. I love having my running buddy here with me; we used to run together all the time. Just add it to my list of the things I miss the most. Check.
I had just enough time before I had to return to the hospital to take Trish to my Sookie Sookie Shady Massage Parlor. We parted ways at the curtains and she chirped out, “See you later!” even though we were right next to each other separated by a curtain. She about died when I showed her what the place looked like from the outside but I told her to trust me as she was about to die and go to heaven. For the next hour, that is precisely what we did. What a perfect day with my beautiful friend. So good for my soul. We ran back to RMH and I showered quickly and packed up my overnight bag. I left Trish there and went to say goodbye to my mama and hello to my Ronan. It was hard to have my mom leave today. As we were hugging I looked over at Ronan who was watching us and he was all teary eyed. He has already told me a dozen times tonight he misses his Nana. Poor little monkey.
He has been in a great mood all of today and tonight. We played our usual Star Wars/Walk the halls and shoot the nurses games. We actually had to switch rooms tonight due to us getting a girl roommate who was a little older. The only room they had available for her was ours, or another one with a 14-year-old boy in it. They like to keep boys together if they can and I understand that it would be awkward for a boy and girl who are older and around the same age to share a room. We happily switched and moved rooms. Not a big deal but I cannot even go into details about the things that have gone on in our room tonight. It’s too sad, too intrusive, and once again, totally unfair.
Ronan has been happy though and that is all that matters. We snuggled up and watched one of our favorite movies together, “Ponyo.” I don’t think I could ever get tired of that movie and Ronan absolutely loves it. It is very sweet with a good message. So today was not only the perfect day, but the perfect night as well. I had to make it this way tonight… I had to work extra hard not to break down about missing my twins’ baseball game. I held it together, I pushed though my feelings of sadness and replaced them with focusing on the here and now and telling myself that there will be a hundred other baseball games of theirs that I can watch. I just sometimes get overwhelmed with thinking I have a lot of making up to them to do. I just hope they understand and I think they will, but it still worries me. I don’t ever want them to think I love them any less than Ronan. I hope they understand the sacrifices I have to make because I don’t have a choice and I have to be the one here with Ronan so we can get him better. They are smart, compassionate little boys. I am pretty sure they will be o.k. They know how much I love them.
This is all the writing I can do tonight. Beyond tired from a restless night last night and a long day today. Huge thanks to my mom for coming out here to help me. She was a huge help and I think she had a good time. I hope so… she loves her time with Ronan so much. I love you, mom. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and enjoy your families to the fullest. Everyday with a healthy child is such a gift. Don’t ever forget that. The little problems in life that seem so big, really are not. It took my child getting cancer for me to realize that. I will never forget this again. Lesson learned, I just wish it was game over and Ro was back in PHX, healthy and with his brothers, where he belongs. Soon my little man, I promise.
G’nite, sweet dreams, love you all.