Stupid cancer

Ronan is napping. I was trying to nap with him, but then Woody came home. We had a little pow wow session about what the next steps are. He has been on the phone with the hospital Sloan-Kettering in New York City for the past half an hour. Depending on the next set of scans that Ronan has, which should be coming up soon… I will find out tomorrow when he will be scheduled to have them….we have to make some decisions. We are on our knees praying that the scans come back and show that the chemo is working and the cancer is disappearing. As Woody said today, they have to be working.. look how perfect he looks. I couldn’t agree more. If the scans come back and show that the chemo is not working, we have decided we will take him to New York. We won’t have a choice. Woody told me today that I may have to stay for a year or two in New York with Ronan. He wanted to make sure I could handle that. The thought of leaving my big boys, hubby and home made my stomach turn. But of course I would go in a heartbeat if it meant saving our baby boy. If what we are doing is not killing his cancer, we will have to go a different route with his treatment. I am trying not to think that way.. but we have to have all our ducks in a row. Regardless of staying here or not, we are almost positive we will be taking Ronan to Sloan for his surgery. Dr. La Quaglia, the surgeon of the angels(his nickname) has agreed to operate on Ronan to try to remove the mass out of his abdomen. Our plan is to try to shrink everything with the chemo, and hopefully we can shrink it to where the surgery won’t be so complicated. I will be working on getting all of Ronan’s information to them by next week. They want to see everything. It’s scary to think about the future now; everything is so uncertain.

Ronan is hitting his low point today. I can tell by the way he is acting. He is a little less active today. Not much, but a little. He is sleeping so hard right now too. His little body is working overtime. I will never stop saying the words, it’s not fair. It’s not fair and it will never be fair and nobody will ever be able to fix this. We will never get this time back as a family and this pain will never be forgotten. Stupid cancer.

P.S. The hoarding pile, as Woody likes to call it, is gone:) Check mark, please:)

12 thoughts on “Stupid cancer”

  1. Will continue to pray for Ronan….just hate that you all are going through this. I have been reading all of my material like crazy and I just wish I knew everything and was able to give you a magic remedy. My first lecture was on Cancer and I about lost it. All I could do was think of Ronan. I know he will beat this…..the scans will come back positive and the treatment that is slowing down your little firecracker is working. Love you…stay strong mama<3

  2. http://noahnelson.blogs.com/
    Have you met Noah Nelson, another survivor of Neuroblastoma from Scottsdale. he has his annual check ups at Sloan-Kettering. Maybe you could connect with his parents and gain additional insight into their experiences/results at Sloan-Kettering……………….we’re all praying for your family………Becki

  3. I am praying that the Lord will touch your Ronan with the healing he needs. Also praying for endurance and strength for all concerned. Lord bring You peace and joy to this family along with that healing. I have beaten cancer and am trusting Ronan to do the same because the Lord is faithful and full of mercy. All this to Your glory Lord.

  4. Prayers of healing and success are lifted for Ronan from the Lindsay family and friends. The impossible is possible with God. Blessings to you!

  5. Maya,
    I saw your post on NBLAST. I am so glad you found us. My son, DJ, was diagnosed with stage 4 Neuroblastoma Feb. 2006. He was six at the time and was under Dr. Wood’s care as well. You are in wonderful hands. Ronan is adorable. I know that your prayers will lead you to know what to do. If the scans aren’t any different then going to Sloan may be the right thing. There are many people who are a wealth of knowledge on Nblast. We have no experience at Sloan so I can’t share but have read enough from those who have sucess stories there.
    You have my prayers!
    Kelly
    PCH is family.

  6. Hi Maya~ With all that’s on your plate right now (understatement, I know), here’s a little something that I continue to find helpful, particularly when feeling inundated by the ‘unknowns.’ A good friend of mine, whose faith is rock solid, shared with me that if you feel like sometimes when you pray you get overwhelmed as your mind starts wandering and focusing on all the things you want not to happen, find a piece of scripture that resonates with you and just repeat it to yourself, especially when you find your mind wandering to the negative. You don’t need to attach emotion to it or specific concerns but by just repeating it, it seems to really, truly help. I was skeptical and now looking back I don’t know how I ever didn’t do it. Here’s a few I turn to…”Cast your anxieties upon the Lord because he cares for you,” (1 Peter 5:6-7), “For I know the plans I have for you. Plans of welfare, and not calamity, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jer 29:11). Last one…”I have heard your cries, I have seen your tears, surely I will heal you.” (2 Kings 20:5). xoxo Michelle

  7. You don’t know me, but I have been praying for your sweet Rockstar Ronan since hearing about his diagnosis from Cindy Good. I just wanted to let you know that I am on my knees for you and asking God to bring the scans back to show the chemo is killing this cancer…and for it to show signs of the tumor disappearing with God’s complete healing of your precious baby boy. I believe that with God, all things are possible and I truly have seen many miracles in my lifetime. The first miracle I witnessed (besides the one when Alexa was born and I got to be in the delivery room! 🙂 was when my niece Alexa Rohrbach came out of a 12 hour surgery in NYC Sloan Kettering Memorial hospital. A team of surgeons led by Dr. La Quaglia surrounded us and said that “somehow” Alexa had two renal arteries and did not have to lose one of her kidneys! (her tumor was wrapped around her aorta and her renal arteries) This was truly a miracle from God! These doctors said they had never seen anything like it. I will never forget the looks on their faces and we all knew, it was God who created her this way for His purposes. Anyways, sorry for this long story…but I wanted to share it with you to know, that whatever decision you make for your son, you will make the right one…and if that happens to be going to NYC with Dr. Laquaglia…and the team of experts for Neuroblastoma (Dr. Chung & Dr. Kushner were two of Alexa’s when she had monoclonal antibodies treatments.) They were all fabulous! My sister Robin spent over a year going back and forth to NYC–and I was a flight attendant w/Delta at the time…(and still single) so I was lucky to get to travel and help out..staying up there at the Ronald McDonald House on many of my “off days”. If you do end up going there, My sister and I would be happy to talk to you more about anything you would like to know. (Alexa had stage 4 NB and nothing was “typical” in her case either.) She beat the odds in everything God carried her through….She was my hero. She never stopped smiling.
    Anyways….just know that I pray that God will give you and your husband clear discernment in making decisions for Ronan and your entire family. May you find peace and be able to sleep through the night.
    Love and Prayers,
    Wendy
    PS. One of my favorite scriptures that helped me especially when waiting for “test results” is this….
    Phil 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

  8. May God give you strength and healing power over Ronan to get rid of this disease. We pray everyday and night that chemo is working and shrinking. Keep positive it will keep you at peace. Do your homework and go with your gut and where you feel most comfortable. You all are so levelheaded and will make the right choices and do not second guess your instincts. You all are beautiful on the inside and out. You have so many angels and you WILL get through this ordeal and life will be whole again. Peace and Love.

    XOXO

    Gay and The Family

  9. im teary nose too let me tell you a story there was a bycyclist who had cancer and didnt even know it his name armstrong . his cancer had spread and it was 2 years later when he found out. He won and had 7 kids later i know ronan won already i can see it in his eyes dont worry anymore wherever you ronan & your family go i want you to know your knot alone i will also pray especially tonight.OH! before i go i klnow of a sweet lady named victoria works at saint margarets school in san juan capistrano california ask her about her story of cancer she works at the library there. xoxoxo

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