Another day at the clinic. I had an eye appointment this morning, so Mimi and Papa took Ronan to his appointment and I was able to do a few normal things. I swear though, I’ve got to figure out how to hold it together in public better. I break down in the most random places. Today, I was sitting in the chair during my eye exam and here come the tears. Everywhere…. and there was no stopping them. I have become such a scatterbrain too. That is so not like me. I swear I don’t know how I get myself dressed in the morning. It’s a wonder I don’t forget to put on my pants as I walk out the door. Of course I told my eye doctor everything… even though this was the first time I’d met him. He knows Woody, Mimi, and Papa Charlie though so I guess it wasn’t like telling a total stranger:) He was very sweet and I actually got something really good out of it. He asked who the Opthamologist was that saw Ronan when we first noticed his eye. I told him it was Dr. Cassidy and he told me he was the best one out there and that we were in great hands. I also told him about the Opthamologist that I first took Ronan to and ended up walking out of the appointment because I got an awful feeling about her. He chuckled a little bit and told me he knows her and she is one of the most arrogant people he has ever met in his life. Whooohoo! Mothers intuition was RIGHT ON! It felt so good hearing that as I only want Ronan in the best hands. Dr. Cassidy was absolutely the right choice for our situation. I mean, the man came at midnight to the hospital to read Ronan’s scan for us the first night we were admitted. I doubt that other woman would have done that. I am finding out gut instincts are usually spot on with things. That’s a huge lesson I’ve been learning throughout this crazy ride.
A big thing that has been driving me nutso lately is the lack of structure we have in our house now. It’s like it’s all been thrown out the window and it’s killing me. When Liam and Quinn were born my big thing was a schedule and consistency. I have always been big on that. We have none of that now… this house is like a madhouse! Bedtime seems to be getting later and later, the boys are running around here and there, and Ronan is ruling the roost! I’ve got to get a better handle on things. The time we have together at night is so precious and the 3 boys just want to play and be together which is causing a delay in bedtime. By the time we get everyone settled down, it’s 9:30 at night. This in a huge change from the boys’ normal 8:00 bedtime. Also, anytime with Woody is gone because Ronan is not going to bed until about 10. RIDICULOUS! A 3-year-old with a 10:00 bedtime is madness. But on the other hand, it kills me to take away any time that we get to spend with each other. There has to be a happy medium somewhere. I am hoping to get things back on track by next week. If all goes well with Ronan, we should be able to be home while he recovers from his chemo. Fingers crossed. I do not want to have to check back into the hospital for another week due to a bloody nose or fever. I just want to be at home with my baby, big boys and husband. I just want a little bit of a normal schedule back. Tonight, I started Liam and Quinn’s bedtime routine at 7:30…. all was quiet in their room by 8:30. This is the first time in forever since this has happened. Now, I’ve just got to work on Ronie.
Liam and Quinn leave tomorrow for Wisconsin with Mimi Kay, Papa Charlie, and Uncle Scottie. They are going to root on ASU at the football game. I was packing their suitcases tonight and I was trying not to get sad. This was a trip we were all supposed to take together. Lots to look forward to next year is the way I am trying to look at it.
We had Ronan’s broviac dressing change today. The poor baby had himself so worked up before our nurse, Sharon, even did anything. He was hysterical, crying, shaking, grabbing on to me. It was much better than last week… if he would have been calm I don’t think it would have been so bad. He was remembering how it hurt so baldly the week before and already had it set in his mind that it was going to extremely painful. We got it over and done in a flash. I really pray that each week it becomes easier.
Tonight, I got a phone call from my friend, Charisma, who lives in L.A. Ever since I told her about Ronan, it has really struck a nerve with her. She has since been doing everything possible to let me know even though she is in L.A. and traveling a lot; she is right by my side. There is an organization called Rally for Kids and Eva Longoria is the chairperson for the charity. Charisma contacted Eva’s “people,” to get herself involved with helping out the charity. Rally for Kids provides funds for care, treatment, and research for kids suffering from cancer. There is an event in Toronto on September 24th and 25th and Charisma is flying there to help raise awareness/spread the word on Ronan and Neuroblastoma!! I am in awe of all of her love and support. She is leaving her family behind to help me and my baby. To fight for us and all the children out there who are suffering. What an exceptional woman and friend she is. They always say people are put in your life for a reason. I met Charisma one summer by chance and we stayed friends for a reason. Who knew it was a reason that is bigger than both of us. She truly is an angel put on this earth.
As Woody and I were laying in bed tonight with Ronan between us looking at the stars on our ceiling (thank you Noelle for the beautiful star filled night-light)… we were talking and singing to Ronan to get him to sleep. Just as Wood and Ronan started to doze off Woody goes, “We are so happy right now.” So sad, but so true. The nights that we are together and nobody is “sick” we are completely content. So insanely happy that we have each other during this moment in time. When we are on the other side of this and when Ronan is healthy again, I don’t even know what I am going to do with myself. I can’t imagine feeling that amount of happiness again. What a wonderful feeling that will be. I can’t wait for the day that we are riding our bikes to Chelsea’s Kitchen for dinner as a family; without a care in the world.