Tonight I laid with Ronan in his bed until he fell asleep. He didn’t nap today so he fell asleep easily. He looks so peaceful and content. We whispered about a lot of things but I mostly told him how much I love him and how much I’ve missed him. We talked about how he is going to get all better. He told me he was already all better. I cried a little as I watched him fall asleep. Thinking about what is going on in his body is hard for me. His right eye looks a little sunken in. The physical changes are happening but he manages to look so stunningly beautiful. I cry for him thinking about all he is about to go through and how hard he is going to have to fight to get through this. No child should have to endure this pain; but as his mother I think especially not him. Why was he chosen for this? Why this angel of a little boy? I know the answers are not clear now, but I pray that someday there will be a reason. A reason that is much bigger than this, then us. I keep telling myself it was meant to be him because of how strong he is. If anyone can survive this, it’s him. He has to be the poster child for hope, miracles, and love. He will be the poster child for this horrific disease. And we will fight for the rest of our lives for a cure so no other family has to endure this type of pain again.
I couldn’t be happier tonight. Having my family all under the same roof is such a blessing. If I had only realized how simple life was before….. I would have looked at things in such a different way.
I now have the recipe for complete and utter happiness. I’ve had it all along… It just took going through something like this, to realize it.