Home and so tired. If I don’t write tonight it’s because I can’t move off my couch or form a coherent thought. I may get another burst of energy because the unpacking of the bags that needs to be done, is driving me crazy!
Going home in a few hours. Ronan is getting platelets and blood before we will be released. Woody and I also have to show them that we are comfortable with the broviac and shots. Our scan came back today and Dr. Wood came in to tell me it didn’t show anything that we didn’t already know. Big sigh of relief there. I’ll take that as great news:) Dr. Maze came up to give me a hug and say goodbye. That man has been so comforting to me the entire time I’ve been here. He really goes above and beyond the call of a normal doctor. I’m waiting to meet Woody for a quick-lunch at Houston’s, even though I look like a homeless person. In my old life I would have totally cared about that. Now, I don’t at all.
Lunch was not as I expected. I have not been out in the real world in 2 weeks. As much as I hated being at the hospital, it has become comfortable and a way of life for me. I full on had what I think was an anxiety attack in the restaurant. All of the people and loudness of the restaurant was way too much. Some little girl in a tutu kept wondering over to our table. I wanted to scream and cry all at the same time. My head started spinning, heart was racing, and I basically had to force feed myself. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I ended up throwing up in a bag on the drive home. How can anything ever be normal to me again? I can’t wait to get Ronan home to the safety of our house. I don’t think I’ll be venturing out in public for a while. I’m ok with saying inside our little bubble.
I’m going to shower now and head back to the hospital to get Ronan ready to leave. I’m scared but also excited to be coming home. It will be so nice to be able to see Liam and Quinn and get somewhat of our normal family life back. I have missed being a mom to my twins so much.