Fuck You, Cancer

Written by: Maya Thompson

Nights are the worst.

It’s during this time that my fighting mind, body, and soul want to shut down. Reality sets in, and everything slowly starts to seep through the cracks.

When I’m with Ronan, I keep the positive vibes and thoughts going. But it’s when I’m sitting alone in a cafeteria, trying to muster up some sort of appetite, that the evilness of this situation creeps in and tries to take over.

I am strong, and I push those thoughts out of my head. I have no choice. To be any other way would not be fair to Ronan. He needs me to fight for him 24/7.

And I do — even in my sleep.

I will fight for my beautiful “Brad Pitt baby” until we beat the shit out of cancer.

I thought about keeping this blog all business — just my positive, upbeat attitude. But I can’t do that. The dark side of what I am feeling and going through is real and painful.

I need to be vocal about this. I need an outlet.

This is me. This is real. There is no sugarcoating anything.

I am going to scream, cry, cuss, and yell.

This is my reality.

This is my hell.

Comments:

17 responses to “Fuck You, Cancer”

  1. Amanda Kop Avatar
    Amanda Kop

    Hallelujah! Kick it in the teeth!!! F U CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  2. Sarah T Avatar
    Sarah T

    F U CANNNNNCCCEEERR!!! Scream, kick, swear and FIGHT mama Maya! Love you!

    Reply
  3. Tricia and Max Avatar
    Tricia and Max

    You have to let it out! F U Cancer!

    Reply
  4. Connie Avatar
    Connie

    Darling Maya, yes, yes, yes & yes all of above. When I would start to lose it at the Mayo Clinic with Philip, Charles (y’all call him Charlie, my brother) made me go for a walk. I didn’t want to leave Philip’s side even for 5 minutes – but, he was right; it helped.

    Everyone’s journey is different – my heart, my love, my mother’s sympathy is with you – believe me. Let me know if I can help – with anything at all – just call my cell: 713-822-4526.
    Love, live, Ronan, live! Connie
    Connie

    Reply
  5. Karen Avatar
    Karen

    My Dearest Girl…everything you are feeling is real, valid and part of the process of enduring such a nightmare. You have been amazingly strong, but you must get all of the emotions out so that you may stay healthy. You have such a wonderful group of friends and a fabulous family who love you…everyone is here for Ronan, you, Woody and the boys. Please let us help in any way, big or small. You certainly know that Auntie Karen, the insomniac, is available 24/7! You just need to call or text, and I will be by your side in a heartbeat.

    There is an army ready to take on this battle and walk this journey with you and your family. You are not alone.

    I love you with all of my heart,
    Karen

    Reply
  6. Liz Avatar
    Liz

    Perfectly said Mama Maya!
    You’re allowed, encouraged, and expected to get mad. This is a tough battle, but also one that WILL have a happy ending. Your baby WILL win. We all have your back, and when you want to scream and cuss, you better believe we’ll listen to you scream and cuss. Let it out!
    I’m thinking about Ronan almost every second of the day, and God’s probably overwhelmed with all of the prayers he’s getting for your little guy. He’s in such good hands, Mama.
    I love you so, so much. Please PLEASE let me know if I can do ANYTHING at all to help you.

    With all of that said,
    this cancer’s about to get it’s ass beat.

    “Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me.”

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
    Liz

    Reply
  7. John Lawless Avatar
    John Lawless

    Maya I applaude your courage to express your feelings. Last November I lost my sister to breast cancer. She fought it for 15 years. She fought it each time it came back. The third time it was just too strong. I saw her go through chemo three times. My prayer is Ronan will recover and live a long and fruitful life. I spent many an hour asking why. I also was angry. When you have a chance after some of the anger subsides I ask you the same question I asked myself many times, “What is it I am to learn from this?” My sister grew very close to Dani her daughter. When Dani announced to the family she was lesbian it was very hard especially for my sister. In the end they were very close. What is it you, Woody, and Ronan are to learn from this journey? We love you Maya.

    Reply
  8. SRod Avatar
    SRod

    Maya,

    My heart goes out to you, Wood, the boys, and your entire family. I cannot begin to imagine the whirlwind of emotions you are experiencing as a mother and expressing everyone of those emotions will only make you stronger. You are an amazing woman and mother…Ronan is in great hands. You guys WILL make cancer your b&$%#!

    Reply
  9. Nance Harris Avatar
    Nance Harris

    Maya,

    You are so right, cancer is a beast invading every family in some way. We are here for you. We can listen, vent all you want. Job & Thomas vented to God and He didn’t mind, He blessed them. Friends are willing to bring food, run errands, sit quietly with you, just tell me & I’ll be there.

    We’ve added Ronan to prayer lists at our church, another in Coronado, North Carolina, Australia and Community Bible Study here. Having just been a caregiver for a year, it is difficult. You must take care of yourself to be there for all of the boys.

    Ronan is beautiful. We will pray numerous times each day.

    Reply
  10. Jennifer Wood Avatar
    Jennifer Wood

    YESSSS!!!! F U CANCER!!!! Be ready for the biggest a$$ wooping ever! You have an army of family & friends here to fight these battles with you mama!

    Reply
  11. Ashworth Family Avatar
    Ashworth Family

    No sugar-coating necessary this is not a sweet experience is SALTY and SOUR! You deserve to be pissed off so please don’t hold back, be yourself and let it out. Prayers are being said every minute for your little guy. Luke asks about him all day and is anxious to get to know Quinn and Liam better. We look forward to swimming and playing with the boys today. Glad to hear they got put in the same class. Hopi is an AMAZING extended family and will help and support you all the way. We intend to be there for the boys through this all. School will be a good place for them during this ugly time. Our love goes on…..

    Reply
  12. Emily Willis Avatar
    Emily Willis

    I am so proud of you for being so positive, I think that is every woman’s ability in life, to see the glass half full, the light at the end of the tunnel. But, you’re right, you have to let out your frustrations and show your weakness as well, otherwise it will eat you up inside and eventually blow up into a big, awful breakdown. You’re amazing for how strong you are; I know I don’t know you very well and it’s been YEARS since Mr. Rags, lol, but I have always admired your focus and determination just by reading your posts on facebook about “up early at bootcamp” and “running up the mountain”, and now, well, this is you being determined and focused for the fight your son is going through. If anyone can be a rock for Ronan right now it is you-you kick ass Maya. I think of you guys numerous times throughout the day and I know this will be ok in the end. On a funnier note, all of this time I’ve been thinking about you and your family I realized that you married someone with your maiden name! How funny! What I wouldn’t give for that right now! I got married almost a year ago and am still dealing with the bullshit of getting my name changed over, it’s such a hassle! Oh, and you have the Thompson Twins. Too cute. I love it. 🙂 Thanks for being so candid with your updates, I’m sure it isn’t easy to just let it all out for everyone to see; but I’m sure it is somewhat soothing too. Anyway, we’re all pulling for you guys. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself too 🙂

    Reply
  13. Jill Hill Avatar
    Jill Hill

    Maya: You don’t know me but I want you to know that I am praying for you and Ronan. You are entitled to scream, shout and cuss! I cannot imagine what you are going through. In times of trouble I try and remember that God will not take us to a place where the grace of God will not protect us. Hold on, we are with you and prayers will be on going. God bless Ronan and you!

    Reply
  14. Chris Avatar
    Chris

    I hate this for you. I think they need a screaming room in hospitals. Silent screams don’t seem to help.
    Praying.

    Reply
  15. The Tarbells Avatar
    The Tarbells

    Feel it all, Maya. You do not need to share only the positive. We re your friends and we are here for you during those dark times. It sucks- all of this. Yes, Ronan will prevail, but it’s ok to be pissed and frankly I’m happy to see the emotions fly. Let them rip, love! And hang tight.

    Reply
  16. Olivia Avatar
    Olivia

    This is perfect Maya. You are amazing.

    Reply
  17. Michiko Lindsey Avatar
    Michiko Lindsey

    We just got our diagnosis 9/21/10 so we are about a month behind you. My daughter Kimiko is 4 with Stage IV Neuroblastoma. I will be reading your blog entries and hope that we can connect at some point. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I am sending positive healing thoughts to little Ronan.

    Reply

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