Nights are the worst. It is during this time that my fighting mind, body, and soul want to shut down. Reality sets in, and everything slowly starts to seep in. While in the presence of Ronan, I always keep the positive vibes and thoughts going. It is sitting alone in a cafeteria, while trying to muster up some sort of an appetite that the evilness of this situation steps in and wants to take over. I am strong and push these thoughts out of my head. I have no choice. To be any other way would not be fair to Ronan. He needs me to fight 24/7 for him. And I do, even in my sleep. I will fight for my beautiful “Brad Pitt baby,” until we beat the shit out of cancer.
I thought about keeping this blog all business with only my positive, upbeat attitude. But I can’t do that. The darkside of what I am feeling and going through is real and painful. I need to be vocal about this and I need an outlet. This is me, this is real, there is no sugar-coating anything. I am going to scream, cry, cuss, and yell. This is my reality, this is my hell.