My mama

I had a good talk with my mama today. I know I don’t mention her on this blog often enough and I’m not sure why. Every source of strength, hard work, compassion, and love that I have inside me as a person, I got from my mom. You want to know why and how I am such a good mom? It’s because of her. She raised me to always make the best of things, always give people the benefit of the doubt, and that your family comes first. She is the hardest working woman who never asks for a thing; but is always there to help others. I picture her in my head at least a few times a day, working in her butt off in her cafe, all while supporting us and what we are going through by talking about us, thinking about us, and loving us. She eats breathes and sleeps for my brother and I; and for her Grandbabies. I couldn’t ask for a better mom and it breaks my heart that she is there and I am here; especially when I can tell in her voice that she wants nothing more to be a daily part of being here and helping in any way she can. When I am having a hard day, or I am feeling sorry for myself, I often think of my mom and how strong she is. It helps me to pick myself back up and move on while thinking about all of the positive things that are surrounding us right now. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for my mom. I cannot wait until the summer when Ronan is in remission and we can do what we do every summer which is spend some time in Washington with my family. It is one of the things my boys look forward to most in life. Our summers in Washington are magical, innocent, and pure. There is nothing like watching the simplicity that comes from my boys spending time with my mom and Jim.

My mom knows that sometimes I am not so good with words and expressing how I feel to her, but I feel like after going through this, it is becoming easier for me. My mom also knows when I don’t have the words; not to ask or push me. She knows when the I need her most, I will ask. She is silently walking through this with me and respecting my boundaries which is something that I really need right now. So even though I don’t say it enough; I love my mom very much and am thankful for her everyday of my life.

Today was a quiet day around here. I swear I went into a sleep coma for about 3 hours. It was a combo of staying up way too late last night and being wiped out from the hospital. I feel like I got caught up on a little sleep which is always nice. We spent the rest of the day watching football and playing outside. I even went for about a 4 mile run. It was so cool and perfect out tonight and I am happy that running is finding it’s way back into my heart. It was just what I needed tonight. Ronan has been running around like crazy, wrestling with his brothers and just enjoying being a 3 year old. I spent about an hour on the top bunk of Liam’s bed tonight just reading to all 3 of my boys. Then Quinn read a couple of books to us. It was priceless and some very special time together that we all needed. Ronan seems to be feeling well but I know next week is going to be when his levels drop. He is usually wiped out after day 13 of being done with his chemo treatments. Today is day only day 6. They say the chemo hits them the hardest 7-14 days from the time you start it. We go to the clinic Monday and Thursday and I will be keeping a close eye on him. Hopefully we won’t have another bloody nose disaster.

I hope you all have a blessed weekend full of laughter and love. Squeeze your babes extra tight<3 Goodnight, friends.

Knock on wood

Today is day 8. Every time Ronan starts his chemo treatments, his blood levels are supposed to drop after 7-14 days. Which means, less energy, his immune system is low, etc…. Nothing yet. I took him to the clinic yesterday and his blood levels were still good. He has been full of energy and has been running around non-stop. Let’s hope this continues. Woody and I can’t get over him and how great he looks, for being so sick. None of this makes sense at all. I am just taking this as another great sign that Ronan is going to beat this and pray we continue to sail right through this. For dealing with something so difficult, he has been a champion…. not acting like a sick kid at all.

We have been taking advantage of being at home and doing normal things. The boys’ have been playing together non-stop. The love my 3 boys have for one another is so powerful and moving. It’s helping us win this battle. Last night Ronan cuddled up in Quinn’s bed and fell asleep with him. I left him there all night and only got up a few times to check on him. He slept peacefully the whole night through and woke Quinn up around 6:30 this morning to play. Ronan was upset that the boys had to leave for school this morning but I kept him busy. We ran some errands and I even took him into Target. Shhhhh! Don’t tell Woody;) I took him in to grab a few things, the store was empty, and I didn’t let him sit in a shopping cart. Poor kid has been begging me to take him for weeks now. We were very careful and I sanitized his hands about every 5 minutes. It made his day. He just wants to do normal things, like we used to do. So we did<3 And we will continue to do things as “normal” as possible. I am getting used to the looks of pity when we go out into public and Ronan doesn’t want to wear his hat. It doesn’t seem to bother me as much anymore. Heck Ronan doesn’t even care or notice, so why should I??

As of now, Ronan’s surgery is scheduled for the end December. I have a nice little story about the exact date of his surgery. I was telling my new friend, Pam, who has the little girl, Victoria, who is a cancer survivor, when it is going to be. As soon as I told her, she got a little quiet and goes, “Oh my god. That is the date that Victoria’s surgery was.” Same surgeon, Dr. La Qualia and everything. Another one of those good signs that I’ve been seeing during through this entire journey. We both got goosebumps and I got teary eyed.┬áSo Christmas in New York it will be:) Just wish it were under different circumstances but we are going to make it the best Christmas ever. As my dear Karen keeps saying, it’s one step closer to Ronan’s wellness.

Our next round of Magic Medicine does not start until November 1st. Until then, if all goes well, we will just be making visits to the clinic twice a week and we will be home the rest of the time. There truly is no place like home. Tonight, we went for a walk down to the our neighbors house. Ronan ran the entire way, only turning back to catch the football we were throwing. We had a great walk with our friends and enjoyed the cooler weather. It was the perfect evening and I was so happy that we were all together as a family.

I fell asleep early tonight, cuddled up to Ronan. Only wish I could sleep the whole night through…. ended up waking up in a panic and now my mind will not be still. Too many unknowns and worries keep me up. How do you sleep when the baby right next to you has cancer?? I woke him up to tell him I love him a few minutes ago. I tell him that 100 times a day. None of this has gotten any easier, but it has become our new way of life. This is not a life I would wish on anyone, but it is our life now and we will make it as happy and beautiful as possible. To be any other way would not be fair to Ronan or the twins. I know how important consistency and security is in a childhood. Especially in little guys who are 7. They will remember most of what we are going through so we have to make sure we make this as positive of an experience as possible.

Woody came home tonight with his hair buzzed super short. So sweet and cute of him to do. Ronan loved it and kept wanting to feel the top of his head. His long eyelashes are starting to go, as well as his eyebrows. His eyelashes are still there, but they are not as thick as they used to be. It just makes him that much more beautiful. Every feature on that child is beyond perfection.

So, if you don’t hear from me this week it’s only because I am taking full advantage of my healthy baby and being home. This week has been spent playing catch up on all the things I am behind on from being at the hospital all last week. It is amazing how far behind I can get on things around here.

Sweet dreams, friends. <3