Magic Medicine…. Round 5, Day 2

Ronan’s day went pretty well. He slept a lot today and I spent the day cuddled up  beside him. We were both tired from last night. Because he is hooked up to so many fluids to keep him hydrated, he wakes up about every half an hour to pee. He is too proud to wear a diaper and won’t even consider it. That’s my boy:) Mimi Kay came by at 2 and I got to go home. I came home, slept for a couple of hours, and got up right in time to see Liam and Quinn. Woody worked late at the office so I took Liam and Quinn out to Chelsea’s Kitchen for a date night. It was so sweet to spend some time with them. We had a great night together. Mimi is staying the night at the hospital tonight so I can have a little break and spend some time with Woody.  My parents get in tomorrow and I can’t wait to see them. Liam and Quinn do not know that Papa Jim is coming. It is going to be a nice surprise for them.

The nights in the hospital, when I can’t sleep, I spend my time on the computer trying to get the word out about Ronan. I have become obsessed with finding my little guy stylish hats to wear and I stumbled on the most adorable little boy website. The clothes are darling, something that is hard to find when you are looking for boy clothes; and their hats are right up Ronan’s alley. I emailed them last night to tell them I had the perfect model for their hats and wanted to know if they would be up for helping me raise awareness for childhood cancer. I was so surprised this morning when I woke up to an email and a got a phone call from a woman named Denise who is part owner of the company. She was so touched by Ronan’s story and wanted to be involved in any way possible. She then told me she was sending Ronan a huge box of clothes and hats for free. I was not expecting that at all! She also called back to ask if Ronan had brothers because she wanted to send them some things as well. How amazing is that? What  a great company and I am so excited to work with them. I have been emailing the GAP forever now with no response. Go figure. Guess they are too cool to bring awareness to something like childhood cancer. A big thank you to Denise. You have a heart of gold. Take the time to check out their website… if you have little boys, you will fall in love with their clothes. www.foreaxelandhudson.com. I also have a link on the right side of Ronan’s blog that will take you right to it.

I also came home today to find an envelope in the mail from a friend of Woody’s from law school, Marcela. Her little girl just celebrated her 2nd birthday and instead of asking for gifts, Marcela asked everyone to donate to Ronan’s Foundation. I opened up a card with about 10 checks in it. I started bawling after reading the card that everyone had signed and just because of the beauty that came with it. Talk about a selfless thing to do. Marcela, your heart is so beautiful. I knew that from the first time I met you when Woody was in law school. I was so nervous to meet all of his law school friends but I had a connection with you from the beginning. Thank you for being so selfless and knowing what really matters in life. I love you.

The word is spreading about Ronan. As of today, I have 121,098 hits on his blog. His website is coming along. I will be so excited when that is up and running. Thank you to all of you who are getting the word out about our baby boy. He is such a strong little guy and is going to beat this fight, kicking and screaming the entire time. I could not ask for anything more.

Time to go and spend some time with my hubby. Love you all so very much. Thanks to Mimi Kay for giving me a break from the hospital. The time I had with Liam and Quinn tonight was just what I needed. I love you.

xoxo

Truest intentions, purest of hearts

I need to get my shit together today. My house looks like a bomb went off in it, I can’t stop crying, and I think I just picked my nightgown up off the floor and beat the crap out of my bedroom wall with it. Don’t worry. Ronan didn’t see this… he was playing in the other room. He did hold me though, while I cried in his lap. He patted my head and held me. I needed to let some things go today, and I did. Everyday is so different from the next. I never know waking up what the day will consist of, how I will feel, or how Ronan is going to act. The inconsistency in my life makes me nervous and anxious. Today, I have had a pit in my stomach the entire day and I can’t seem to get rid of it. The reality that surrounds us is overwhelming at times. Thank god for good friends who I can call on. My friend, Gay, called me right when I needed her most. My friend, Pamela White (who has been a GODSEND) let me vent and gave me advice…. Little Jack’s mom, Laurie, always puts me at ease. Just hearing her voice and the updates on Jackers helps me get though the days. To people who are walking to the end of the earth and back for us, to the people who refuse to let go of my hand, to the people bringing dinners and helping with Liam and Quinn, to the people who know just how to make me smile…. Please know how thankful I am for you. The fact that you are walking though this with us and supporting us so much, means the world to our family. We are so lucky and thankful for all of you. It speaks volumes about the kind of people you are in the way you choose to live your life and I will FOREVER be thankful, humbled, and amazed<3 You all have changed my life and the way I view the beauty of family, friends, and strangers. You have taught me to question everything and accept nothing but the best for me and my family.

Last night I went out for dinner with 3 of my dearest friends. I was able to let go a little bit and live in the moment surrounded by strength and love. I went to the best restaurant in town, Tarbell’s, with my friends, Niki, Jen, and Lindsey. The place was packed, food was amazing as always, and the service was above and beyond. And it has nothing to do with the fact that I was with the bosses wife;) I sat with my 3 darlings, for 3 hours. We shut the place down and I left there feeling extremely blessed to have spent the evening surrounded by those 3 incredible women. They are more than friends to me; they are my sisters. I would trust them with my life and the life of my children. They are the type of friends who would never let me down or let me fall without picking me back up. I need them more than ever at this time in my life. I get that I am asking a lot from my friends right now…. but my true friends, are the one’s I have to ask nothing of; they just give and do because  they have the inner strength to see me through this. Their intentions are true and pure… there is no bullshit or superficialness. I worship them and if the tables were turned, I would be there for them in a heartbeat. They know this of me… they get the bigger picture of all of this.

Once Liam and Quinn got home I put everything that has been going on inside my head, on hold. I made them a snack, took them for shaved ice, and we went outside and played in the backyard for 2 hours. We took every ball in our house and put it in our big, grassy yard and played soccer and dodgeball. Ronan had a BLAST. He ran, kicked and threw his balls for an hour straight. The strength and power that boy has when it comes to anything physical is insane. He is so coordinated and fast. We took a bunch of glow sticks when it got dark and shaped them into frisbees and threw them up in the air and at each other. It was an evening full of laughing and playing. Woody came home, scarfed down some dinner (thanks Jules) and took Liam and Quinn over to The Village for basketball practice. My poor, tired, husband. He worked so hard today.. and I can tell he is exhausted. But he will never let us down or complain about anything. He came home with a smile on his face and a big kiss for me and off to practice they went. Love that man.

I feel like a kept woman with Ronan. Seriously. The little man decides my every move. I’ve got to get some control back with him. My sweet Sarah, whom Ronan LOVES… came over to peel me off my floor today. Ronan threw a fit about having her here. I can’t win. I need help, want help, ask for help…. but Ronan is so territorial of “his house.” He wants nothing to do with visitors and ends up slamming doors and screaming in his room the entire time someone is here. And Sarah is like family to us. He let her stay for a little bit after I bribed him with a toy and we played Star Wars with him. Sarah took over with the playing and I was able to get a few things done around here. Then we “locked” Sarah in the laundry room (that was the only way he would let her stay) so she could fold my laundry. Sarah the Saint. She has been so helpful to me and I know she would do whatever I needed her to, if Ronan would just relax a little. I have a list a mile long of things I need to get done before we check into the hospital for Round 4 of chemo on Monday. Tomorrow, we go to the clinic and I am hoping to help in Liam and Quinn’s classroom for their Halloween party. That leaves me Friday to get everything done. The weekends are usually pretty busy around here and I don’t want to spend my time getting caught up when I could be spending it with my boys.

So tired tonight… but one last thought….All of his kisses mean that much more. Every smile, laugh, hug, I love you, that come from Ronan, wash away all of the sadness and anger that I feel… for a few moments. It doesn’t last long, but it is oh so sweet.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” -Dr Seuss (Thanks Dana)