Nothing like some hometown love to kick cancer’s ass

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Ronan. I don’t remember the last time I’ve written to you and I don’t like that. My days are so consumed with trying to be the best mama to your brothers and sister. This means no computer time, only a little time is spent posting the never ending cute little Poppy pics on Instagram as my way of trying to keep up with all of your lovies out there. They seem to be growing by the day and that makes me so proud. My nights have been spent writing and working on this book. My nights have been spent writing accompanied by hot flashes and puking over the toilet again due to living this fucked up “journey” over in my head again and writing it all out to tell our little story. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for the opportunity, but it’s still very difficult. I got through your diagnoses and I had no idea writing about that again would leave my head spinning in the way that it did. I can’t imagine what writing about your death will be like for me. This is the part where all you lovelies chime in on how brave I am. I don’t feel brave. I just feel like a mama who will do whatever it takes to continue fighting on for her child. Wouldn’t every mama walk to the end of the earth to make sure their child’s legacy lives on? To make sure good things continue to go on, because of their baby? I would like to think so. This is also just me, grabbing on to anything and everything I can, to still get to be your mama and parent you, Ronan. I don’t get to teach you all the things I dreamed of. I don’t get to scold you when you are being naughty… The only way I can get to you, is through these things that I am so desperately trying to do. Sometimes I feel like I’m grasping at thin air, sometimes I get tired and so very sad, but I have never in my life wanted to give up or quit. No matter how frustrated or sad I get because I know at the end of the day, you’re not coming back. And that is all I want more than anything in the world. But all the gratitude and good things will keep me going… I promise you that.

Today is an amazing example of good things that will keep me going. My little hometown showed some major RoLove today. I got asked to lead a 5k run that some girls I know wanted to throw together at our Lake Sacajawea. Of course I said yes and that is pretty much all I did. Everyone else buzzed about, working their butts off to make this “Run Like A Rockstar” 5k run, happened and it ran smoothly. All I did was try to get in a few runs before the big event so I could actually try to make it around the lake without having to be pushed in a wheel barrel. We had such an amazing turn out and I felt like I was floating in a sea of purple the entire day. I ran the lake as fast as I could with an injured knee from my previous running that I have been doing. I ended up walking a bit too but I was fine with that. One of my oldest friends, Laura was sweet enough to stay back with me so I didn’t have to walk alone. She talked about how she was so excited to run this but then pulling up to park and seeing your little face on the poster was just awful. How this was such an awful reason to have to run. I told her I knew. How surreal this all still seems to me. I know I used the word unfair through my tears. How could my baby be just fucking dead? How could my totally healthy, beautiful baby boy be so healthy, and then have fucking stage 4 cancer just like that? Through her tears she told me she was sorry, but how proud she was of all the things we are doing. I am proud, too Ronan. I know we are and will change this world in a very big way but FUCK. What I wouldn’t give to have just one more second with you. What I wouldn’t give to have my old life back. I can’t though. I know this but sometimes I like to close my eyes and just pretend.

I finished the lake and my knee actually felt o.k. My time sucked but today, I had nothing to prove at all. I was just happy to finish without injuring myself even more. You know who kicked ass in the race today, Ronan? Your brothers. I had no idea that I had little runners in our family! Liam has been going on some runs with me at night, but I had no idea he could run 3.6 miles in 30 minutes. Holy smokes I was blown away! Quinn came in just a few minutes after him. Liam ran pretty much the whole lake, by himself. This totally brings tears to my eyes because I know he did this for you, and how proud you are of him. I am so proud of them both not only today, but always. Such amazing little boys they are.

After the race I got a chance to meet some really lovely people who all love you so much. It was an emotional day but so rewarding as well. I am so grateful to everyone who came to support your foundation. Thank you to all of my rad hometown babes who worked so hard to get this all done. I know you are doing these things for the RIGHT reasons and nothing more than that. That is so important to me. Thank you for never forgetting my little guy who continues to inspire you daily. Thank you for keeping his mama going by showing me how much the power of love can move mountains. I am so proud to call you all my friends and I will never forget what you did for us not only today, but always. This is just the beginning. I cannot wait for next year and I am so proud to call this place, home.

Alright little man. I need to get in some hours working on this book. I talked to your Sparkly the other day. I miss him when we are away so much. He knows that I’ve been staying up late, working on this book and I listened to him as he said with urgency in his voice, that I need to get this done so I can “Fuck Cancer.” I know what the urgency meant. It meant that kids are dying, dying, dying and nobody is paying attention. I know he feels the same way that I do, that this book is not only our beautiful, tragic love story, but it is another way to spread awareness as well. I am doing the best I can, working as fast as I can, but I also know this cannot be rushed. All I can do is my best and I want to do this the right way, not the rushed way. I am just proud that I actually started it and I am making progress.

Alright little man. Back to the book. I miss you. I love you. I hope you are safe. G’nite, babydoll.

xoxo

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Because you are ALL Rockstars!

You are ALL already Rockstars, for continuing to fight this fight with me. For Ronan and all the other babes out their who are fighting this fight or will sadly fight this fight, in the future. I want to hug each and every one of you and tell you thank you. I wish I knew all of your faces and names so I could properly thank you all. Words cannot even express how thankful I am. Seeing the amount of support that has continued to flood in, keeps me going and strong. I know the love I have for Ronan, is going to change the world. I love you all for believing in our love so much that you continue to scream, yell, cry, and cuss for Ro. Until things start to change and Childhood Cancer gets the attention it deserves. With the help of my amazing Busy Little Bees, we put together an idea. For those of you who are out-of-town, or just cannot make it to the event, we thought this would be a great way for you to still be a part of our amazing night.

Thank you for your continued love and support. Thank you to everyone helping in making this event as fun and sparkly as Ronan. Thank you for helping his spirit, fire, and soul, live on. Thank you for being a part of something bigger than yourselves. Something life changing. You get that there is more to life than just “this.” You get that this isn’t just about Childhood Cancer. You get it and I appreciate that so much.

Details are below. I hope you think it’s as awesome as I do. I cannot wait to see our Rockstars in action:)

Garage is accepting Submissions thru November 4th of your children celebrating their inner rockstar! All entries will be entered into a “Rockstar” montage to be played the evening of “ROCK the RUNWAY for RONAN” on November 10th. These Rockstars will bask in the glory of their photos being shown on the Garage Facebook page, The Ronan Thompson website, the Brightest Star Facebook page and YouTube. One(1) submission will be drawn to win a Rockstar VIP swag bag from the event. Each photo entry should include the child’s name(or alter ego Rockstar name) telephone number, mailing address as well as an email address. A photo caption is optional.
Photos should be sent to Rockstar@GarageBoutique.com. Donations are required and can be made at RunwayforRonan.eventbrite.com (suggested donation amount of $25). 100% of donations benefit The Ronan Thompson Foundation, a 501(c)3, devoted to finding a cure for Pediatric Cancer.

By submitting a photograph and participating in the Contest, entrant, for him/herself and on behalf of the child, irrevocably transfers, grants and assigns to Garage LLC and The Ronan Thompson Foundation, its affiliates and its respective successors, assigns, and licensees, the right to use the name, likeness, image and photograph, including any reproductions of same, in any and all media for any advertising or promotional purposes, without additional compensation, and releases Garage LLC and The Ronan Thompson Foundation and any entity acting on their behalf from any liability with respect thereto.