Today, 9 years ago, I was married to my best friend, the
love of my life, my Woody. The only person who has ever truly had
my heart. It was the happiest day of my life; until today. Today is
the happiest day of my life in a different way; a bittersweet way.
Never in a million years did I think that 9 years after I married
my husband, that I would be crying tears of joy because my baby’s
bone marrow scan came back as clean. Yes, that’s right, you heard
me, CLEAN! When Ronan was diagnosed, his bone marrow was filled
with 5-7 percent of Neuroblastoma. Now, it has come back as gone.
What does this mean you ask? It means a lot of things. It means
that the chemo is working, it means that the Neuroblastoma is going
to be easier to get rid of, it means that Ronan truly is kicking
cancer’s ass, and it means that we are once again, filled with so
much hope for our baby of ours. He truly is a force to be reckoned
with. Nothing can stop this baby, not even something as evil as
cancer. This is the best news we could have received today; the
best anniversary gift I could have ever asked for. It is truly a
miracle and proof that all of our prayers, love, energy, and
whatever else is out there, is working in our favor. We met with
Dr. La Quaglia today. He was serious and to the point, but also as
soon as he walked into the room, I knew. I knew that we were in the
right place and I knew that there is nobody in the world that I
would trust with the life of my child. It was like he had a circle
of angels surrounding him. I took one look in his eyes and the
trust was formed instantly. He of course told us how serious the
surgery was; he had to make sure we were aware of the risks. This
was hard for me to hear; but I know legally, he has to tell us
these things. He said on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst,
Ronan’s Neuroblastoma surgery was about a 3. I asked him how long
he anticipated the surgery taking and he looked at me and said, “As
long as it takes to do a perfect job.” Done and done. I know this
man is a gift from god and the only person that should be operating
on my child. With that said…. PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE…. spend all
day Monday thinking and praying for Ronan. He will need it and we
will need it. I have never been more scared in my entire life. This
is a huge deal… he has to get through this. Just imagining my
baby going through this makes me sick to my stomach. But he is a
fighter and has proven that he can handle anything. He loves us all
too much to leave us.
Tonight, I am asking that you keep a little
girl in your prayers named Ashley. Her mom got in touch with me a
few months ago and her daughter, who is 7, was diagnosed about a
week after Ronan. Today, as Ro and I were trecking through the snow
to Sloan Kettering, I heard her mom yell out my name. I turned
around and there she was, Nicole, on her way to Sloan as well. She
introduced herself and said she has been following my blog for
quite some time now. Ashley, will have her surgery tomorrow, by Dr.
La Qualia. I know she is going to be fine, but as always, extra
prayers help. I will keep you posted and I will be thinking of her
all day. I saw Ashley today. She has the exact same sparkle and
strength in her eyes that Ronan has. She is going to be fine;
another beautiful survivor.
So, New York has completey healed my
love for running. It truly has become my therapy again. Last night,
I was crawling out of my skin, dying to run since it had been a day
since I had gotten to. I headed up to Central Park and ran about 6
miles on complete ice. It was dangerous, crazy, and completely
cathartic. Tonight, I did the same thing as well. Right now,
running is the only thing that is saving me. I don’t have my
therapist here…. and I so need to do a phone conference with her.
Running is my saving grace for the time being. I am going to come
back here and make the NYC marathon my bitch. Mark my words.
Today, I got to meet the new love of my life, Miss Macy:) She is somebody
that emailed me awhile back on my blog to say that she lived here
and if I needed anything to please call her. She is around my age,
and we have been keeping in touch for awhile now. Finally, I was
able to meet this little angel of ours. And what an angel she is.
She came through the RMH, all bundled up in her fur, toting gifts,
and as gorgeous as can be. Ronan and Quinn instantly fell in love
with her and I did too. She stayed for a couple of hours and we
entertained the boys the entire time. Ronan was flirting away, up
to all of his usual tricks. Macy could not have been more fun and
just what we needed to brighten our day. Thanks, Macy… as I said
before, I feel like I’ve known you forever. I can’t wait to
celebrate my birthday with you.
So, tonight, I sit alone at some
amazing pub by the RMH, paying bills and blogging away on my
anniversary. Sad but true. I would of course, rather have Woody
with me but he so sweetly understood that I needed to get out.
INDEPENDENCE…. ugh. it is so important to me. I need this time to
do my thing…. blog, pay bills, be out in the real world
surrounded by people laughing and who have no idea what the fuck
cancer really means in life. Everyone here is laughing, drinking,
playing trivia, and living life to the fullest. Just as they should
be. Hey, it wasn’t so long ago that I lived this carefree life. I
will never take it for granted again. I used to be exactly like
these people in this bar. And I will be someday again. Someday, I
will be back here, with my husband, just enjoying each other and
not obsessing about Ronan’s cancer. Love you all. Sweetest dreams.
xoxox
This is dedicated to Ronan… thanks Linds. Because baby, he
is our firework. Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, drifting
through the wind wanting to start again? Do you ever feel, feel so
paper thin like a house of cards, one blow from caving in? Do you
ever feel already buried deep? 6 feet under screams but no one
seems to hear a thing Do you know that there’s still a chance for
you ‘Cause there’s a spark in you You just gotta ignite, the light,
and let it shine Just own the night like the 4th of July ‘Cause
baby you’re a firework Come on, show ’em what you’re worth Make ’em
go “Oh, oh, oh” As you shoot across the sky-y-y Baby, you’re a
firework Come on, let your colors burst Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh”
You’re gonna leave ’em falling down-own-own You don’t have to feel
like a waste of space You’re original, cannot be replaced If you
only knew what the future holds After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe you’re reason why all the doors are closed So you could open
one that leads you to the perfect road Like a lightning bolt, your
heart will blow And when it’s time, you’ll know You just gotta
ignite, the light, and let it shine Just own the night like the 4th
of July ‘Cause baby you’re a firework Come on, show ’em what you’re
worth Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh” As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby, you’re a firework Come on, let your colors burst Make ’em go
“Oh, Oh, Oh” You’re gonna leave ’em falling down-own-own Boom,
boom, boom Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon It’s always been
inside of you, you, you And now it’s time to let it
through-ough-ough ‘Cause baby you’re a firework Come on, show ’em
what you’re worth Make ’em go “Oh, Oh, Oh” As you shoot across the
sky-y-y Baby, you’re a firework Come on, let your colors burst Make
’em go “Oh, Oh, Oh” You’re gonna leave ’em falling down-own-own
Boom, boom, boom Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon Boom,
boom, boom Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
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