All Good Things Are Wild and Free
As I said to Phoebe–I am sure Ro is guiding Rachel to help her and her family in the best and most perfect ways. Thank goodness for Ro–each and every day. Love to you and your boys as you prepare for Poppy. Took my lovies to see Oz today and thought of her during the Poppy fields part of the movie. In the movie the Poppy fields are very dangerous–I think this sweet Poppy girl is gonna help kick cancers ass with Team Ronan-she will be a force to be reckoned with just like her mama!
Maya, You are such a brave soul. I love you so much for doing this and haring this hard thing with the world. I lost someone, my dad, when I was only 2 years old. I am 16, and it has been almost 14 years. I listen to Taylor Swift’s song, and I cry as I think of the tragedies you face every day, and the criticism you must get. I know I get it. I cry every time I read one of your posts, and I read EVERY SINGLE ONE. I wish I had enough memories and stories of my dad to put together something like this.
I keep seeing very powerful lines and phrases from your blog, and I have been keeping a journal of every line that stands out to me. I am a home-musician, and I am working on a song about losing someone close to you, and your blog has just been so powerful in aiding that. I hope you wouldn’t mind if I used some of the things you said in the song. I want to dedicate it to you and your little Ronan.
I honestly and sincerely mean it when I say that I love you for having the bravery and the courage to do this. 🙂
Danielle- I’m so very sorry you lost your father, especially before you could grasp on to real memories of him. Writing memories like maya does is a great way to keep someone’s memory alive, and just because you can’t do it doesn’t mean it can’t be done. Have you ever asked others close to your father to share their memories of him with you? They could write you letters, poems, or just list random memories, or they could reminisce on an audio or video recording if they’d prefer. Even if they only share one story, one memory, or even some of his favorite songs, movies, books, etc- it would finally give you something concrete to latch on to. Please consider doing this so perhaps you can find some semblance of closure or at least some peace in finding your dad! I obviously don’t know your family situation, but maybe people like your mom, older siblings if you have them, as well as others from both sides of the family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) who knew him could help you- I imagine they’d be happy to, especially if they see how much you miss him because you lost him so very young. They might have the erroneous impression that because you don’t remember him, they shouldn’t talk to you about him. You could even reach out to his friends, coworkers, etc- kind of envision who he’d be connecting with on Facebook if he were here and reach out to those people- hey, maybe even start a FB page or blog where they can easily share memories with you! Who’s to say one person’s memory wouldn’t remind another person of something else, and on! And don’t think people don’t still remember- I lost my two closest lifelong friends, one passed 16 yrs ago and the other 10 yrs ago. I keep a journal I started the day they each left so unexpectedly, and I still share at least one memory with their families every year on birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc- it helps keep them alive and their families are so happy just to have someone else remember and acknowledge that they were here, they are loved, they made a difference, and they’ll never be forgotten. Maybe even getting involved in a cause or charity your dad supported would make you feel closer to him- you could do something tangible like donating time or a little money to a place that makes you think of him. Just an idea- not trying to butt in! I just know the pain of loss acutely myself and want to help others dealing with grief whenever I can. You deserve to know your dad and I truly am so sorry you were robbed of time with him. Hopefully one of these ideas will help. Good luck! (And please run these ideas past your mom or guardian and get their approval first!)
Oh my gosh. You have no idea how powerful that just was for me. I am crying right now. Thank you so much for the advice! Unfortunately, I am the oldest child, and my only other sibling from both of my parents was in my mother’s womb when my dad passed. Thankfully, God has given me an amazing step dad and three wonderful half-brothers and -sisters. My mom has been very supportive in helping me. I also think that my dad… well, step dad… 🙂 has helped me with filling the void. He married my mom when I was 6, and they started dating when I was 4. He has always been here for me. No one told me to call him daddy. It just… happened. I don’t have many people I can talk to about my biological dad, because my grandparents (his parents) are very sensitive to it, and reading Maya’s blog has helped me understand more of what they are thinking from a parent’s perspective. He has 2 living brothers that live in Minnesota, and I am on the east coast. I haven’t seen them since 5 summers ago- 6 if I don’t go see them this year. That’s where all of his family, and my mom’s family, lives. We moved to the coast to be with my step dad. I guess the distance has made it all a little more difficult, but the reason behind the distance keeps my feet on the ground and my head on my shoulders.
MAYA: Of course I miss my dad, and I definitely don’t wish things to be the way they are, but look forward, because if things had been any different, I wouldn’t have the beautiful family I have now. Me and my brother, ages 16 and 13, have a strong connection that I don’t think would have been there if anything was different. I wouldn’t have my step dad and 2 sisters, 8 and 3, and my brother, 9months, if anything was different. Or maybe I would. Maybe we would still be one big happy family, but then where does dad come into this? Divorced from my mom and living 2,000 miles away from his children? It’s hard to understand, believe me, I get it. But God lets everything happen with a purpose. My dad passed 14 years ago, and God gave me my beautiful family, and my step dad, who introduced me to God. I am now a born again Christian, and I don’t know if that would be the case if I still lived in Minnesota with dad. Ronan passed for a reason. Trust that. Maybe the reason was so that you would start a blog, and someone like me would come around and share my testimony so that you don’t feel alone and lost anymore. I am here for you Maya, and your beautiful family. I know you don’t know me, but I am 16 years old, and I am here for you. <3
Hi again Danielle, I’m Jen- aka anonymous from the previous post. I didn’t mean to make you cry, but I’m glad you appreciated what I said & didn’t feel I was being out of place. Like I said, I just want to help. You seem to be such a poised young lady with a very good head on your shoulders- I would never have guessed from the way you write that you are only 16. The way you seem to be looking so much more at what life has given you as opposed to what you’ve lost shows profound maturity. But it is in fact a maturity due in large part to a profound loss. I truly am sorry you and your brother were cheated out of time with your dad, but I’m so happy for you that you have such a wonderful stepdad who gave you more precious siblings. You’re not guarded on here when speaking of your loss tho, so please don’t be in real life. I’m sure your dad’s parents are still/always will be grieving. But the fact they don’t talk about him much doesn’t mean they don’t think of him every day, as I see with the parents of my two friends after all these years. To them, it’s a relief when I mention their children & ask if it’s an ok time to reminisce- they always say yes, & they hate that most everyone else does not mention them. I think it would be perfectly reasonable to reach out to your grandparents as well as your aunts & uncles (time apart does not make you cease being their niece!) & tell them that you miss your dad & are working on a project to collect memories of him. I imagine that, while painful, it would actually be cathartic for them to help you. Write to them if that’s easier, & tell them they can write things down for you if it’s too hard to talk on the phone etc. They each have an inheritance that rightly belongs to you (& your brother) too- precious memories! Stories, photographs, maybe even video! And I’m sure your mom would be happy to help you too- she just may not know how you’re feeling if you don’t ask her! And I wouldn’t worry at all about any of this affecting your other dad- it seems you & he are very close, so I’m sure he’d understand your need to finally get to know your first dad! It might even be a project he can help you with. Just know you’ll get nothing unless you try- & as his daughter, you have every right to ask family to help you get to know the father you lost at such a tender age! It truly is your (& your brother’s) birthright. Best of luck to you!
Following Phoebe and so glad that a RoLovie is part of their family now.
thinking of you, Rockstar Ro and Poppy!
What a sweet, BRAVE girl…we should all take lessons from these children who are fighting this monster. SO BRAVE!! <3
I’m definitely following that list. My mum’s in hospital with breast cancer, my dad abuses me, my sister has multiple disabilities and doctors don’t even think she’ll live another year and she’s only sixteen, but I don’t feel sad. I’m always just happy that I got as much time with my mum and sister as I did and I’m still hopeful they will make it through. I’m twelve, I volunteer in the homeless shelter and whenever I’m at the hospital visiting my mum or sister I go meet the sick kids, the toddlers that are dying, the babies that have no parents and I do whatever I can to help them. I read to them, sing to them, help them with problems, show them Ronan’s story and I started doing all this two years ago when I first saw this blog. Nobody has any excuse not to help somebody that needs help. Maya, you, my mum and my sister are my heros. Thank you for helping me see what a joy life is.