Strangers on the Streets


Ronan and I slept about 9 hours last night. We both needed it as we were wiped out. After we woke up and got ready, we headed off to the clinic to have his labs drawn. He was not excited about going to the hospital today, but I promised him a trip to Dylan’s Candy Shop after. A little bribery works every time:) We went to the clinic, had Ronan’s labs drawn and I must have had my cancer brain completely turned on because instead of waiting around for his counts to come back, we just left. I don’t know where my head was today. I took Ronan to Dylan’s and then we went to Bloomingdales, Four Carrots, for lunch. I can thank my friend, Ellen, for introducing me to this spot. Ronan ate a ton and I let him have the worlds best frozen yogurt afterwords. He was in heaven. After a few hours out in the city, we started our walk back to the RMH. I looked at my phone and realized that I had missed a couple of calls from Sloan. I listened to the voicemail and it was one of the nurses saying that Ronan needed platelets as his counts were only 18,000 and they like to keep them over 30,000. Major cancer brain mush on my part. I said we could come back in, but I knew how upset Ronan was going to be. The nurse told me as long as we could come in early tomorrow morning, it wasn’t a problem. Good thing. Getting Ronan to go back to the hospital would have been a major ordeal. We came back to the RMH and I fed him dinner. We spent the rest of the evening playing in the playroom and then we came back upstairs to give him a bath. He didn’t nap today so he is pretty beat. He fell asleep about an hour ago and I am thinking he will be out for the night. We have an early day tomorrow so that is a good thing. Fernanda gets in at 6 a.m. and I cannot wait to see her. I could really use some of her amazing strength to recharge me right now.

While we were out in the city today I tried my hardest to ignore the looks we now get from strangers everywhere. The looks from strangers on the streets are now looks of pity, looks of sadness, and as strong as I try to be… these looks kill me. It is a constant reminder of what we are up against. Most people are extra sweet to us, everybody says how beautiful Ronan is, and I must have been asked 1o times today how he is doing. What am I supposed to say to this? I say the only thing I can; while fighting back the tears and plastering a huge smile on my face. I say he is doing great and is a very strong little boy. I am sure these strangers on the streets only have the best intentions, but all I want is feel normal for 5 minutes out of the day. All I want to do is to not be felt sorry for. I guess this is why I am so comfortable in our hospital environment. Being out in the real world takes so much energy and can be so draining. I feel like I am on constant guard to not only protect Ronan, but myself as well. When I’m out in the real world, with Ronan, my guard is up 110%. I wish I could tell these people, stop with the looks of pity, instead take this gift of mine and go and do something amazing in the world. Go make this world a better place because you are inspired by my sweet baby boy because your own problems aren’t half as bad as you think they are. I swear I’m going to start wearing a sign around my neck that says this. Ronan is something to be inspired by, not something to feel sorry for. Yes, he has a tough road ahead of him but he will win this fight and be an even more amazing of a human being because of it.

Alright my sweet friends. I never indulge in T.V. anymore but with Ronan sleeping soundly, I’m going to enjoy my favorite reality show, “Bethanny Ever After.” I love Bethanny Frankel and her show. She cracks me up. I hope you all had a wonderful day and have an extra sweet night. Love you all.

xoxo

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8 thoughts on “Strangers on the Streets

  1. Steve Gervais

    I’m a long time friend and former colleague of Papa Charlie. I read your blog daily and include your family in my prayers. About halfway thru Pat’s Run on Saturday my thoughts turned to Ronan and finished strong for him. You might say I was Running for Ronan. Peace and Blessings.

  2. Patricia

    You inspired me sooo much! I wish you guys all the best! Me and my girls usually have play dates on Sunday if u ever want to get out of the city for a little bit! xo

  3. Alyssa Crews

    “Go make this world a better place because you are inspired by my sweet baby boy because your own problems aren’t half as bad as you think they are. I swear I’m going to start wearing a sign around my neck that says this. Ronan is something to be inspired by, not something to feel sorry for. Yes, he has a tough road ahead of him but he will win this fight and be an even more amazing of a human being because of it.”

    This is my favorite thing you’ve ever said on your blog! I’ve been trying to get people to realize this same thing for years. When I tell people I’m in nursing they ask, “Oh good, what kind of nurse you want to be.” When I reply with pediatric oncologist nurse, they have this awful look of pity, usually followed by, “it takes a special person to do that, but it’ll be so hard on you. I could never do something like that.” UGH. That’s a stupid thing to say since kids get cancer everyDAY. They don’t deserve it. They didn’t choose it. Who cares if its hard on me, it’s hard for them. Yet still, they smile, they laugh, they fight, they live, and they survive.

    Then the part about things not being half as bad as you think they are. AMEN. If people only knew.

    And to end this note, Ronan is such an amazing inspiration to me. I love the way that cancer does not define him. When I think of him, I think of strength, a spunky spirit, willpower, star wars, bright blue eyes and a big smile, and hope.

    If I was crafty in the least bit, I’d make you that sign…

  4. jennifer Benedict

    So funny you mention Bethenny Frankel I have contacted her on twitter in regards to Ronan and his amazing Mama
    in hopes to spread the word on what this inspiring little boy has given to us all while battling Cancer. I feel sorry for those who look at him and feel pity what they should feel is grateful and Inspired that they will never have to know what it is like for their 3 year old to have Cancer and do something to help those that do have to!

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