I broke down in the playroom today. Ronan wanted to go there this morning so I carried him and off we went. When we got there he didn’t want to play. He just wanted me to hold him. I sat in a chair with him and cradled him in my arms like I used to do with him when he was a newborn. We sat there for about 20 minutes and he just let me hold him while he looked at the dragonflies hanging on the ceiling. Looking at his little face made the tears come pouring out. And once again, the feelings of, I can’t believe this is happening, washed over me. I immediately felt like throwing up. Since this guy was born, he has been my sidekick pretty much 24/7. He goes everywhere with me, we do everything together. He is my best friend. I just don’t understand any of this……I would have never imagined something like this could happen to us.
Ronan has another scan today. Which means no eating or drinking after 10 and that always makes for a grumpy Ronan. We have to wait until 4:00 and he will have to have anesthesia, again. This will be the 7th time that he’s had it since we’ve been here. Poor guy. He is laying beside me watching Star Wars and he’s mad because I won’t go and get him any otter pops. I hate these days and I hope 4:00 gets here really soon. I just want to take my baby home. Tomorrow can’t get here soon enough.