These are the kind of friends I have. The kind who come over to your house in the morning, bring you coffee, insist that you give them your car keys so they can go wash and put gas in your car. Not to mention pick up your prescriptions, some pictures you had developed, all while you put up a fight in which they were not having. The kind of friends whom stop by, bringing their sweet little boy with them to play with Ronan and insist on you giving them a list. The new friend, whom you have never met before, but is dying to be a part of our lives because she and her family have been so deeply touched. The friend whom lets me drop my crew off to play with her crew while I went to my therapist. The friend who let me rant and rave all while agreeing with me that this is bullshit, and she knows because she has lived through it. The friend who drops off boxes on your doorstep so you can try to pack up your life and send it to New York. This all happened today; these amazing woman helped me though today without me even having to ask. I don’t know how I got so lucky. Thank you, Melissa, Gay, Tiffany, Pam, Stacy and Bethany. You all will really not let me fall, no matter how hard I try.
Today was busy indeed. I had a mild meltdown on the way to see “The Good Doctor.” A panic attack, an almost nervous breakdown… I had to call Marisa on my way so she could rationalize everything for me. I don’t know how I made it to my appointment without getting in a wreck. But I did. The good doctor took one look at me and knew I what a mess I was. We went over my prescriptions, the doses, and we had a short but productive talk. I felt a little better after leaving there, but my nerves were shot. I am doing my best but this week has been especially hard. I have been trying my hardest to enjoy my time with Liam, Quinn, and Ronan but the littlest things put me on edge now. Any little argument between my boys is enough to make me want to lock myself up in an insane asylum. My patience is worn thin and I have the patience of a saint. I am struggling with trying to be a normal mom…. whatever that may be. I just want to be the mom I was before all of this but is is so hard.
Woody came home and I slipped out for an hour to meet a friend for dinner. Just what the doctor ordered. We sat outside, ate good food, and the weight of the world seemed lifted off of my shoulders for the hour that I was there. I found myself laughing, enjoying our conversation, and it was just very easy, as it always is. The stars were shining so brightly tonight, I kept looking up to see if I could see a shooting star to make a wish on. I then decided I didn’t need a star, because one of the most beautiful stars was sitting right before me. I made a wish on my friend, the same wish I make 50 times a day. It made me smile. I came home feeling much better about things. It’s funny how certain people just bring out the old me, the funny me, the happy me. The me that is buried so deep down, but when she comes out I so enjoy being her. Tonight was something I very much-needed. An hour of pure bliss and happiness.
Ronan is still in a lot of pain. It’s absolutely killing me as there is nothing I can do. I mostly sit and try to comfort him, get him to take his pain medication, and try not to throw up at the thought of him hurting so badly. I sit back and wonder what it feels like for his little arm to hurt so much. Does it feel broken? Does it burn? Does it throb? However badly it is hurting, I know it is intense. He never complains about a thing and watching him with this is like daggers in my heart. I cannot wait to get him started on Monday for his next round of chemo. I never in my life would have thought I’d be so happy about getting back on his magic medicine but I cannot stand to see the pain he is in. He needs it badly.
New York is going to be good. And I am going to be good once I get there. It is my Ro baby’s city that is going to heal him; I just know it. We are going to get there, get into our routine, and get him better. I know he is going to respond well to his treatments; I have all the faith in the world. New York really is a magical place and I honestly feel that energy when we are there. We always do so well and we can do this. We will do this while refusing to let go of the rope we are holding on so tightly to. We are just going to keep tying knot after knot so we can keep hanging on. We are never letting go of our rope and I am never going to let Ronan slip and fall. I will hold on to him for the rest of my life and I will be thankful for every second of it. I never knew how precious life really was until all of this. It all seemed so trivial to me…. just another day in the life of Maya Thompson. Now I know how precious our time here on earth really is because I am watching my 3 year old fight for it every second of the day. It is so wrong, so sad, but so inspiring. Ronan has made me realize that my time here is meant to change the way certain things in the world work. He is laying out a path for me and I am not sure where it is going yet…. but I am going to keep following it until I figure it out. I love him so much. My sweet little seal.
Tomorrow, we have the clinic visit for blood and possibly platelets. We will say our final goodbye’s for now, but not forever. We will be back to see our angels at PCH soon. Ronan will be back and feeling much better:) Cannot wait for that day. Fernanda is going to come to the clinic with me to work on some things. I.LOVE.HER. so much. I swear she could rule the world. Beautiful people everywhere and I never even knew it. Thank you to all of you who are keeping up with Ro and his journey. We are so thankful for the love you send his way. Someday, when this is all over and Ronan is well, we will have a big party and all 264,578 whom are reading this are invited:) Wouldn’t that be amazing?? I am totally going to get Eddie Vedder to throw a Charity Concert for Ronan. Or Tom Petty. Or Neil Young. Or all of them combined. How awesome would that be? Mark my words. Done and done.
Goodnight to my dear friends, old and new. ❤ Goodnight to each and every one of you. Love and blessings to you all!!!!