Just gonna stand there and watch me burn? That’s alright because I like the way it hurts

Sooooo, I made the mistake of watching the movie “7 pounds” tonight. I knew it was a bad idea from the start. Way too sad but I wanted to see if I would feel anything from watching it. I’ve kind of been freaking out that my medication is making me numb to everything. I don’t want to be numb, but I also can’t handle all the pain that comes with all of this. Reality check! I can still feel pain because I ended up locking myself in my bathroom with all the lights off and crying like crazy. For those of you who haven’t seen the movie, I dare you watch it and try not to cry. Impossible. I also sat in my bathroom and pinched myself about a dozen times, just to make sure this is all still real. That is something I used to often do before all of this; to make sure my perfect life was real. I felt the pinches. But I wish I wouldn’t have.This whole not crying for a few days has not been good. I need to let a lot of this out and I feel better when I do.

Overall it was a good day. Spent the entire day at home with the boys and then Wood, Liam and Quinn went off to the ASU game. Ronan and I hung out here and my friend, Danielle came by for a bit. Ronan was a little shy but ended up letting her stay for a while. I always love spending time with her and she lives pretty close by so that’s a bonus:)

Ronan is curled up beside me, sleeping sweetly. There is nothing more I love than waking up with him in the morning. I usually wake up before him and just watch him sleep. This morning, I was pretending to be sleeping as I saw him stirring. He sat up and goes, “Good morning, Mom!” Then he started rubbing my head and kissing me. I cannot explain to you how little things like that make me feel. It’s the best feeling in the world. I’m tired tonight and we have some friends coming to visit tomorrow so I am going to try to get some sleep soon. I hope you all are having a great long weekend with your loved ones. Sweet dreams to you all. xoxo